Regular Crack
by pinkluver93
Summary: What happens when you mix an awesome show with random crack pairings? Total non-regularness!
1. RigbyXMuscle Man

**~1st crack pairing: Rigby and Muscle Man~**

It was a Monday afternoon, and as usual, Mordecai and Rigby are playing video games; Broken Bones to be specific.

"Ooooooooh!" Mordecai cheered as he threw his controller down in victory. "My 7th win!"

"Pfft," Rigby replied, crossing his arms. "It's not fair! You always win cuz of your experience on the joystick!"

"Eugh, that sounded so wrong!" Mordecai said with disgust while chuckling.

Rigby rolled his eyes. "Whatever, man, I'm not leaving until I get a win on this thing." Rigby restarted the game.

Mordecai got up, putting the controller down. "In that case, I probably shouldnt be playing with you for 10 years straight. I'm headin' back to work."

"Yeah sure whatever.." Rigby said, preparing to start a game.

Rigby was about to start a game when..

"Hey loser!"

Rigby looked to where the voice came from. "Oh, hey, 'fat' man."

"What?" Muscle Man said as he angrily sat down on the couch.

"You heard me. You're as muscley as a pudding pop!"

"Yeah right, bro," Muscle Man replied. "My muscles got the ladies waitin' in line!"

"Starla doesn't count!" Rigby realized what he said and bugged his eyes, glancing at Muscle Man's face, who still seemed content.

"Uhhh...sorry bout that. I just uh-"

"No, it's fine. We broke up."

"Whoa, really?"

"Yeah," Muscle Man laid back, taking the other controller. "She said I didn't know how to work the joystick right."

"Uhhhh...what?" Rigby asked, getting grossed out.

"She beat me at every video game I owned!" Muscle Man said, tearing up a bit. "Then..she called me a wimp, broke up with me, and...RAN OUT!" He started to cry.

Rigby was getting a bit uneasy. _How can you hate the guy when he's pulling the water works on you?_

Rigby sighed, patting Muscle Man's shoulder. "It's okay, dude. There's other chicks out there! Plus, I bet you could always beat me at video games!"

Muscle Man wiped his face. "Really?"

"Yeah. I don't even remember the last time I've won one game."

Muscle Man picked his character and was ready to begin. "Let's do this!"

As they played, Rigby wasn't doing as bad as he did with Mordecai, but, in the end, the winner was never a surprise.

"Woooooo!" Muscle Man cheered. "You were right, bro! You really do suck hard! You know who else sucks hard like you? My mom!"

Rigby just sighed and frowned. "Thanks, thanks a lot."

Muscle Man put a hand on Rigby's shoulder. "Look, don't take it so hard. Some of us aren't good at workin' the joystick. It's natural."

Rigby just cringed in disgust. "Yeah, don't say it like that."

Muscle Man was about to walk out the door when he looked back, smiling. "You should practice some more, bro. Maybe you'll actually beat me next time!"

Rigby smiled.

"Fat chance!" Muscle Man said as he laughed, walking out the front door.

Rigby simply sighed and set the controller down.

_Yeah, he's one to talk.._


	2. MordecaiXEileen

**~2nd crack pairing: Mordecai and Eileen~**

"I'm finally gonna do it!" Eileen excitedly said to Margaret as she fixed two cups of coffee.

"Really? Wow, I wish you the best! I'm going on break, so you gotta tell me the details!" Margaret said as she smiled at her friend.

"Thanks, Margaret, I will!" She almost walked out the door, but stopped. "But...what if he says no.."

"You'll never know until you try, Eileen! Just be confident!"

Eileen proceeded to bring the coffee to the dynamic duo who sat in their usual seats.

"Here's your coffee, guys."

"Thanks, Eileen." Mordecai smiled as he took a sip.

"Yeah," Rigby said with a face that screamed 'Go away'. "What he said.." He took a sip.

Eileen would usually go serve other customers by now, but alas...Mordecai and Rigby were their only ones at the moment.

Eileen swallowed and smiled, trying to be cool. "So uh, Rigby, one of my friends gave me these two tickets for a comedy show, and uhh.."

She couldn't help but notice that Rigby was looking in another direction, clearly uninterested in what she had to say.

"I was wondering if you wanted to..uh, go..see it...with me." She smiled, waiting for an answer.

Rigby sipped the rest of his coffee, then gave her a blank look. "No. Not ever."

Eileen's smile instantly turned into a frown. "B-but, it's a comedy show. It's funny and I thought you'd like it cuz you're funny-"

"Can't you take a hint?" Rigby said aloud. "I. Don't. Want. To. Go. Out. WITH YOU!"

Eileen did nothing but cower at Rigby's now-loud voice. Mordecai wasn't pleased.

"Uhh Rigby that wasn't ni-"

"Dude, let me finish, okay?" Mordecai kept his mouth shut, not wanting to interfere.

Next, Rigby facepalmed and shook his head.

"Seriously, Eileen," He continued. "I was gonna continue to be nice about this whole thing and hope that you get the hint, but no! You continue to be this weirdo psycho and hope that I would be stupid enough to actually fall for **you.**" Rigby somewhat chuckled.

Eileen was tearing up a bit. "I. I'm sorry, Rigby."

Rigby nodded. "Yeah, I'm sorry too." He whispered to his friend loudly. "Sorry she was last in line for good looks."

Eileen heard this and ran off to the bathroom, wiping her eyes. Rigby was laughing at his own cruel joke.

Rigby continued to laugh until Mordecai punched him.

"Ow! What the 'H' dude?"

"Seriously, Rigby? **Seriously?**"

"What? What'd I say?"

"Pftt," Mordecai crossed his arms. "You said enough. I can't believe you'd be that cruel! I mean, you could've just nicely said no."

"Dude! She's been weird to me for a long time, so maybe now she'll back off. If anything, it was conductive criticism."

"Constructive criticism." Mordecai coldly corrected. "And you didn't have to be rude about it! Chicks have all these feelings and hormones that we don't have. Every little comment hurts them, man!"

Rigby scoffed, and got up from his seat. "Yeah whatever. Go stick up for the ladies like you always do. I'm headin' to the arcade."

"Fine. Lemme know when you aren't being a jerk anymore." Rigby simply crossed his arms and walked out.

Mordecai decided to get up so he could see where Eileen went.

_Let's see. Where do chicks go when they don't wanna be seen?_

He kept walking past the bathrooms. Just then, he heard some low sobs coming from the girls restroom. He went inside.

"Eileen?"

He could see little feet underneath the stall to his left.

"Hi Mordecai." She said while sobbing a bit.

"I'm here if you wanna talk." Mordecai said, feeling so sorry for the poor girl.

Eileen opened the door and came out, hanging her head. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong."

Mordecai lifted her head up. There was no fooling him. "It sure doesn't seem like it."

She sighed. "Rigby hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, Eileen, trust me. He's just...I don't know, weird."

"No," She fiddled with her hands. "I'm the weird one. I should've taken the hint like Rigby said." she walked up to the mirror, looking at herself. "Maybe he'd like me more if I was more like Margaret."

Mordecai shook his head and walked next to Eileen. "You shouldn't try to change yourself just to get a guy to like you."

"But I **should** change myself. I suck."

"I don't think you do." Mordecai smiled at her. "One thing you gotta understand about Rigby is, well..he doesn't know how to react with girls. He's never been on a real date before, he's never had a crush, he hates intimate magazines, all that. I mean, he doesn't even think Margaret's hot, same goes for any of the super models on TV."

She smiled a bit.

"But even the prettiest girls face rejection too, no lie. There's plenty of fish in the sea you can catch. Rigby's just not the one, that's all. But I'm sure you'll find someone one day, you just gotta keep your head up."

Eileen smiled. "Thanks Mordecai." She pulled out the two comedy tickets. "You can take Rigby to the comedy show if you want. I hope you guys enjoy yourselves."

Mordecai smiled and took the two tickets. "Cool, thanks. But I was wondering. Did you wanna come see it with me?"

Eileen blushed a tiny bit. "Really? But, Rigby's your best friend. Dont you wanna go with him?"

Mordecai continued to genuintely smile. "Meh, I always spend time with him. I never spend time with other people. Plus, I think it'd be fun to go with you. Wanna go?"

Eileen's smile was twice it's size. "Sure! I'd love to!"

Mordecai looked at the tickets. "Looks like our Saturday night is full. I'll pick you up around 7?"

She nodded. "Okay!"

He smiled, but realized something. "I better go catch up with Rigby." He was about to walk out the door when he looked back. "Eileen?"

"Yeah?"

He smiled. "Don't ever change." With that, he walked out.

Eileen silently cheered and walked out of the bathroom. For the very first time, she had **confidence.**

_And it feels so good..oh so good.._


	3. DonXMordecai

**~3rd crack pairing: Don and Mordecai~**

It was a Saturday afternoon. Rigby and Mordecai sat watching TV.

_Knock knock._

Mordecai continued to watch TV. "You get it."

"You get it." Rigby replied.

"Rock paper scissors?" Mordecai got his hand ready as the person still knocked. "Loser gets the door."

"Fine."

Mordecai drew rock, Rigby drew scissors.

Mordecai grinned. "**You **get it."

"Fine, whatever." Rigby said as he got up to open the door.

_Ah great.._

"Rigbone! Gimme some sugar, bro!"

Rigby simply sighed. "What, Don?"

Don was taken aback by this, but continued to smile. "I just came to visit my lil bro."

"What? 'Lil' bro? I'm the BIG bro, you know that!"

"I-I was just saying it as a you know, a pet name!"

"Hey Don." Mordecai said as he walked up to the door.

"Mordo! Sugar?" Don happily opened his arms.

"Anytime, dude." He gladly gave Don a hug.

Rigby rolled his eyes. "Ugh! Get a room!"

Mordecai frowned. "What's your deal, Rigby? I thought you were over the whole jealousy thing."

"Well yeah, but I didn't ask him to come visit me!"

Don looked startled. "I, I'm sorry, Rigby. I I didn't mean it I-"

"Whatever." He walked back to the couch. Don followed, hoping he could regain his older bro's respect.

"Whatcha watchin', bro?"

"Nothing you'd like. I don't watch the crappy shows you watch. Now shush, it's a new ep."

Don gave up, sinking his head. "I-I guess I'll see you later, Rigby." He walked away.

"Call next time you come over so you don't interrupt my show." Don closed the door behind him.

Mordecai just frowned at his friend. He was about to open the door to follow Don.

"Mordecai, you gotta check this episode out!"

Mordecai kept the anger to himself. It's no use. It's not like he could change his friend's opinion.

"Uhh, I gotta talk to Skips about...something." He quickly walked out the door, trying to find Don.

He searched around the park. _He brought his car. Why didn't he just drive away?_

He continued his walk, when all of a sudden his foot got stuck in some gum on the ground.

"Ah sick! Benson droppings!"

He looked at his foot, trying his best to get his foot out when he felt a hand on his wing.

"I'll help pull you out."

Mordecai looked up to see Don. He facepalmed.

"Dude, this is majorly embarassing."

"Ah, happens to me all the time. I'll pull on 3. 1..2..3!"

With that, Don's incredible strength was able to pull Mordecai's foot outta the gum. The worst part is the gum still stuck to the ground.

"Thanks Don."

Don simply sighed. "No problem, Mordo." He simply walked away. Mordecai, of course, caught up with him.

They continued to walk back to the house.

"I promise I'll get Rigby back for being such a jerk to you. I don't know what his deal is."

Don smiled. "It's always been that way, Mordecai. He's just not a sugary kinda guy. I'm used to it."

"Well, yeah, but still. You don't need an invitation to come see him or any of us."

"Really? I mean, I don't want Rigby to get mad or anything. I hate when I get him mad."

Mordecai put a hand on Don's shoulder. "You're not the reason he gets mad. **He's** the reason."

"Is it because of the whole high school thing?"

"It's Rigby's own fault he dropped out, man." Mordecai replied. "He could've been successful like you, but it was own choice. He definitely has no right to be mad at you for being awesome."

Don couldn't help but smile. He stopped and bear-hugged Mordecai. "Mordo, that's so nice of you. I don't know any guy outside of family that's nicer than you!"

Mordecai could barely breathe. He was turning bluer than his face. Don noticed and let him down.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry!"

Mordecai coughed a bit and noticed Don's worried face.

"It's okay, dude."

"I-I didn't mean to steal sugar from you, I-well...you made me feel a lot better, Mordo."

'Mordo' smiled. "You can always steal sugar from me, man. People call me the candy man."

Don laughed and put an arm on Mordecai's shoulder. "Good to know, Mord, good to know."


	4. MordecaiXRigby

_Thank you guys for the reviews! Feel free to leave any crack pairing suggestions in your review and I'll happily write 'em out for you! ;)_

**~4th crack pairing: Mordecai and Rigby~**

"Yeayuh! Guess who got tickets?" Rigby happily waved them in the air as he came into the house.

Mordecai, who was watching TV, looked at Rigby. "Tickets? For what?"

"Dude! The fair's back in town! Instead of splurging on Butt Busters 2, I got us 2 tix for Saturday night!"

Mordecai somewhat had a blank face. "Dude, what are we, 8 again? We never go to the fair anymore. It's just gonna be the same old rides, same disgusting food, kids barfing all over the place, and let's not forget the old ladies working the fun houses." Mordecai shuddered at that memory. _That horrible memory.._

"Nah, man, it's supposed to be better this year! I checked online! There's gonna be newer rides, new kinds of food, and.." Rigby nudged his friend. "They don't let anyone work there that's over 30."

Mordecai didn't get the hint. "So..?"

"You know, hot girls? Not old ladies gropin' your butt when you walk into the Crazy Maze?" He laughed at his friend's horrible experience.

"Dude, shutup! I told you that day we'd never ever talk about it ever again."

"Whatever, I was saying that they don't have old pervs there anymore. It's all young people! Plus, like I said, it's supposed to be WAY better than when we used to go. Please Mordecai? Can we go pleeeease?"

Mordecai chuckled and waved him off. "Okay, okay, we'll go, as long as you cut the baby act."

"Awesome!" Rigby happily said as he high fived his bro.

It was Saturday night, and they walked past the fair entrance. Mordecai observed all the lights, the kids of various ages, the smells of fried cinnamon buns, fried cream cheese and fried salad...

"The fair was always better at night." Mordecai announced. "I mean, aside from the creepy carnies and..." He shuddered again. "The old ladies.."

"Yeah, man," Rigby agreed. "The rides light up and everything. Plus the sun isn't giving you a rash." He looks to his left and sees bumper cars. "Dude, look! I love bumper cars! Let's do these first!"

Mordecai chuckled as they got in line. "You still love the baby rides, I see."

"What, everyone loves bumper cars!"

"No dude, I meant that you can't handle the big boy rides. You know, like Twister, Gut-Wrencher, Stone-Smasher, and worst of them all...**The Annihilator.**"

Rigby felt his stomach turn, but remembered what he read online. "Well, they put new rides in place of those, so, I can't do them anymore, now can I?"

"Actually, they left those alone." A guy in front of them said. "They left those four but replaced the other ones."

Mordecai was now excited. "Ah man, those are classics." He nudged Ribgy. "Dude, we're so doing those."

"I don't know, I uh.." Rigby had to find some excuse. Those rides scarred him for weeks as a kid! "I recently got this condition, man. You know, something with my heart."

"Pfft, no you don't. You're just too wussy to get on them."

"No I'm not!"

"HEY!" A carnie at the front of the line yelled. "Keep the line moving and pick your cars."

Mordecai and Rigby walked onto the bumper car floor.

"Wussy.." Mordecai said as he walked past Rigby.

Rigby just got into his car, crossing his arms. "Hm, hm."

_I'll show you how wussy I am.._

Everyone soon began driving their bumper cars. Rigby spotted Mordecai's car from behind and sneaked up behind him, ramming him. Mordecai got shocked and looked back, evilly grinning.

"Oh crap.."

Rigby quickly drove off. But..too late. Mordecai hit the side of Rigby's car, causing it to spin until Rigby got dizzy.

Rigby rubbed his head as they exited the ride. "Man, that was intense.."

"Pfft, you think that's intense? You couldn't handle...**The Annihilator.**"

"Hey, those cars were only intense cuz you sent me spinning!"

"That's the whole point of the ride!" He saw they were walking by the food stands. "Some food should take away the dizziness. C'mon."

As they sat down to eat their corn dogs and lemonade, Rigby made a suggestion.

"I heard they have these cool new optical illusion things this year." He pulled out the brochure and turned to the attractions. "The woman with the ten foot beard, the fattest dog in the world, the first vampire pig, oh cool! This guy's got wings literally coming outta his back! Maybe he's like half-fairy or something."

"Ugh, those things are so fake it's rediculous! I'd rather ride rides. Atleast they benefit you more than some stupid fake half-man, half-fairy thingamajig.."

Rigby looked away, crossing his arms. "Pfft, you're no fun. There's more to fairs than just rides, dude!"

"Rigby," Mordecai shaked his head. "We both know why you wanna watch see some stupid optical illusions. You're too afraid to do those awesome rides."

"No I'm not! You don't know anything!"

Mordecai grinned. "Hm, hm. I know you're a wussy."

"STOP TALKING!"

"Okay, look," Mordecai proposed. "If you do the Annihilator with me once, we'll do anything you want for the rest of the night."

"Even get our faces painted? And the hamster races? And...**the farting balloons?**" Rigby practically squealed happily at the last one.

Mordecai sighed and nodded. "Yes. Even that lame, baby stuff-"

"Okay, I'll do it!" Rigby shook hands with his bro.

_But I sure as hell won't like it.._

_Holy crap balls._

The Annihilator. It's no ordinary ride. Best way to describe it: half thrill ride, half roller coaster. You start off sitting in a centrifuge that spun you around and around, 80 feet off the ground. The seat you and your partner sat in was also part roller-coaster car, so you'd be oh-so anxious, wondering when your car would be quickly dropped down onto the track.

...And Mordecai and Rigby were next in line. Rigby was so shaken he couldn't speak.

"Still wussied up, huh?" Mordecai chuckled.

"I-I don't even know how scary this'll be, Mordecai. Remember when you went on it and I waited for you by the exit?"

"Yeah, but now you can face your fear of the ride, dude."

"We'll be so high off the ground! What if I die? I'm so not ready to die yet!"

"Take your seats, guys." The carnie instructed.

Mordecai and Rigby sat beside each other, letting the shoulder bars come down on them.

"You won't die, Rigby, trust me. I rode this before and look, I'm still here."

Rigby looked away. "Doesn't mean you'll survive this time around.."

Mordecai put a wing on Rigby's shoulder. "Dude, we're not gonna die. They tested all the rides a million times so freak accidents don't happen."

The ride began to spin.

"YEAYUH!" Mordecai looked to see that Rigby was shaking already. "Don't drop your stones, dude!"

"Heh, I'm not!" Rigby lied. He held onto the shoulder bar with his dear life as the ride spun faster and faster. Rigby tried not to look down...

Of course he looked down..

Below the riders was the rollercoaster track. Rigby closed his eyes and tried to get closer to Mordecai for comfort. Mordecai noticed this and patted Rigby.

"You're doing awesome, Rigby!" He yelled, then continued to 'WOO' along with the others riders as they spun. Rigby watched a car drop and screamed, holding onto Mordecai.

"I know, right? I hope we're next! OOOO-"

Mordecai couldn't complete his chant...since they were next to fall.

"!" Rigby yelled, closing his eyes and practically tearing up the shoulder bar with his claws. His heart returned to its usual place as they landed on the track. The car proceeded to climb a hill.

"Man, that nostalgia tasted so good, dude. Rigby, you okay?" Mordecai said as he looked at his friend.

"I think...my heart fell out-what the?" Rigby looked and saw they were climbing a hill, ahead of them was tons of 'fun'. "I thought the ride was over!"

"Pfft, it's not over yet. We still have to go through tons of loops, fast drops, inversions, and **total darkness**."

Rigby's eyes bugged. "...I should've went to the bathroom before I got on here."

The ride was half-way up the hill. Mordecai smiled at his friend, reaching his wing out. "You can hold my wing if it makes you feel safer and...more comfortable."

Rigby took his wing, and for some reason, felt at peace, somewhat. "Wow, it works."

"Yeah," Mordecai nodded, and grinned. "That way you'll know if you fell outta the car or not."

"Stop it, man, my stomach's turning sideways."

All of a sudden, their car proceeded into darkness. It stopped.

"...what the.."..."!"

Their car literally went from 0-120 in 5 seconds flat. Rigby did nothing but scream and close his eyes, along with using one hand to hold Mordecai's wing and the other gripping the shoulder bar oh-so tight.

All that Rigby could hear were his own screams and his friend's ecstatic screams, and all he could think about was his past, his future, hell, everything was running through his mind faster than the coaster thrill ride could go.

Rigby continued this as the ride came to an end. Even as the shoulder bars were lifted. Mordecai punched him.

"Ah! Why?"

"Because...**you survived.**"

Rigby came back to Earth and realized the ride was over. They were back down on the ground, safe. They both realized that they were still holding each others' hand and let go, blushing, but pretending like it didn't happen.

"OOH!" Rigby cheered. "I'm not a wussy anymore! I've become a **MAN!**"

"Heh, not exactly." Mordecai jokingly said as they exited the attraction. "You were scared crapless the whole time."

"You're just hatin' cuz you gotta get your face painted! OOH! In yo' face!"

Mordecai rolled his eyes and smiled. "I know, I know. A deal's a deal."

As they walked, they noticed some of the kids exiting the Annihilator were puking. Rigby felt something weird in his stomach.

Rigby shrugged it off and chuckled. "Man, this place hasn't-" Rigby stopped and felt something come up. He gagged and finally puked all over Mordecai's foot.

"...changed." He wiped the remains off his face.

Mordecai grinned. "Neither have you, Rigby. Neither have you.."

_The centrifuge part of the Annihilator is half-inspired by this ride called Insanity, which is located at the Stratosphere Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. Looks pretty rough._

_Anywho, make sure to give any crack pairing suggestions you guys have! I'm writing this story just for you guys! ;)_


	5. RigbyXMargaret

**~5th Crack Pairing: Rigby and Margaret~**

It was the middle of the week, and Rigby and Mordecai are at work, mowing the lawn and watering the plants...

Ha, just kidding. Of course they're not there. They're at their favorite coffee shop...having a heated discussion.

Mordecai sipped more of his coffee. "No way, if superheroes actually existed, we'd have even more problems than we started with."

"Now see, that's where you're wrong, my friend," Rigby stood on his stool to make his argument seem more reasonable. "Superheroes are allies with the law and are totally awesome. They're like average joes but with the ability to fly and shoot lasers and getting hot chicks."

"Lemme get you guys some more coffee." The red robin Margaret said as she picked up their empty cups. Mordecai's eyes smiled and followed the 'angel', not blinking a bit.

"...speaking of hot chicks..." Mordecai dreamily said.

"Ugh, not this crap again." Rigby snapped fingers in front of Mordecai's face. Mordecai still stayed in his trance until Margaret brought them more coffee.

After she left, Mordecai floated back down to Earth. "Dude, I wish I was a superhero, and Margaret was my...girl I save.."

"What? Oh, now you like superheroes? Get your facts straight, dude! You're making no sense!"

"Dude," Mordecai said. "What's your deal with Margaret?"

"Hm, hm. My deal is that I'm afraid you might get shot down...you know, rejected?"

"Uh what?" Mordecai asked. "Care to explain that, Rigby?"

"Dude, she always has boyfriends. They're practically her clothes. You know why a girl gets so many boyfriends? She's **too hot to touch.**"

"...so...?"

Rigby crossed his arms. "She's...kinda outta your league."

Mordecai was beyond offended, and it showed. "Oh, you think so, huh? Well, you're one to talk!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not exactly a chick magnet, you know. You're short, immature and you're almost always rude to chicks, even when it's not neccesary. I'm the exact opposite and you tell **me **I'm out of one girl's league?"

Rigby kinda felt bad now. "Mordecai I didn't-"

"No, I don't care. You know what?" Mordecai got up. "I'd much rather do work than be insulted by my own best friend." He started to walk out.

"M-mordecai I'm sorry!" Too late, he had already walked out the door without another word.

Rigby laid his hand on his hand, slumping in his seat.

_Jeez, what a baby. I was just saving him from being hurt.._

Afternoon soon turned to dusk. Rigby had taken a seat in the back of the coffee shop earlier. Now he had fallen asleep on the table, drool hanging out and all.

Meanwhile, Margaret had closed the shop and was cleaning up for the night. When she reached the back, she noticed Rigby sleeping and couldn't help but giggle.

_He looks so cute when he sleeps._

She went to pat his shoulder. "Rigby?" She calmly said. "Rigby, it's closing time, you gotta get up, okay?"

After a few shakes, Rigby awoke. For a moment, he felt peace, but soon remembered what he did earlier.

"Ah crap, I practically missed tons of work.."

Margaret gave a sympathetic smile. "I didn't even know you were sleeping back here."

Rigby rubbed his eyes. "Yeah. It's...it's been a rough day."

"What's wrong?"

"Huh?"

"Well I mean, you never fall asleep in here. I thought you'd catch up with Mordecai, but you just stayed behind and..slept."

"Oh, yeah."

Rigby couldn't tell her what really happened. _Don't chicks hate it when you talk about how they fit in certain leagues of hotness? Man, I gotta think of something.._

"Nothing, really." Rigby finally said. "I was trying to ask out this girl and...Mordecai said she was...kinda outta my league. Then I got mad and...he got mad and then, he ran out...cuz I got him mad."

Margaret was sad now. She patted his shoulder. "Aww I'm sorry Rigby."

"No no, it's my fault. I mean, I shouldn't be asking out girls like her anyway, I mean...I'm so short and...kind of a jerk sometimes.."

"So what?" Margaret smiled. "Just because a guy isn't what the media would call 'hot' or 'gorgeous' or, even a typical kind of hot, doesn't mean he can't ask out the girl of his dreams."

Rigby smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah! The guys my friends go out with aren't what I would call cute, but what I like is that they had the courage to actually ask them out instead of..you know, waiting for the girls to ask them out. It's pretty cool."

"Wow!" Rigby was a lot happier now. He was holding this whole lie pretty well. "I guess I could try to gain courage and..ask her out. What's the worst she could say, right?"

"Yeah," She said. "My boyfriend Xavier did the same thing and I said yes."

Rigby's eyes kinda bugged. _Of course.._

"I better go check on Mordecai. He's probably still working." He got up and walked out of the restaurant. "Oh, Margaret?"

"Yeah?"

He smiled at her. "Thanks for the talk."

She smiled as well. "Anytime."

As Rigby walked back to the park, he kept wondering which thing Mordecai would be mad about: the fact he left him all that work to do the whole day..

..or that he lied about him right to his crush.

_Eh, he'll get over it, like he always does..._

_I'll be sure to get those requests done for you guys! Keep 'em coming! Oh, keep in mind that some chappies might be longer and/or shorter than others depending on the characters and pairings. Anywho, I'll have the next chappie up ASAP! ;-)_


	6. BensonXPops

**~6th crack pairing: Benson and Pops~**

It was just past sunset. Benson was about to open his car door to go home.

_Yay, another day of work tomorrow.._

"Benson, my good man."

Benson turned around to face the voice.

"Oh, hey Pops. I'll see you tomorrow, okay-"

"But Benson!" He was grabbing his arm now. "Surely you don't have to leave so early. The night is so young and there is so much that can be done-"

"Pops," Benson said with a genuine smile. "I-I'd love to hang out and all but, I just don't-uh..."

_Oh great, he's givin' me those puppy eyes again..._

"Please Benson? Pleeeeease?" He was begging him now.

Benson rubbed his head with frustation. _I gotta go home, I gotta go home.._

"Okay, Pops, okay! I,...I have some spare time."

_This is the 4th time this week I fell for that face. But really, who could say no? I bet even Skips couldn't.._

Pops clapped with glee. "Oh, wonderful! C'mon," He said as he got in the car. "Tell the graceful stallions to carry us off into the sunset!~"

Benson smiled and rolled his eyes as he got in and started the car, driving outta the park.

They drove in one direction for a little bit. "Uhh, Pops? Where'd you wanna go?"

Pops smiled. "Oh, I umm..believe the house needed some groceries!"

"Oh," Benson nodded. "Okay, the store should still be open."

Benson stopped at the front of the store so that Pops was close to the entrance.

"Okay, Pops, I'll wait out here."

Pops sadly hung his head. "Benson, I don't know how to use those magical cards."

Benson looked at him, confused. "Okay..just use money-"

"Can you go in with me? Pretty please, Benson? I will make it a short voyage, I promise!~"

"Okay okay! Let's make it quick." He gets out and walks alongside Pops.

Once they were inside, Pops acted like he was in a wide world of dreams.

"I always enjoy walking into this land of dreams, Benson. Don't you?"

Benson simply sighs. "Yep. It's...really intriguing."

They walked into the drink aisle. Pops picked up a carton of fruit juice.

"Ooh, this one has all types of fruits in it! I want to taste them all!" He giggled as he ran in circles, holding up the juice carton as if it were a lion cub.

Benson simply facepalmed. He couldn't help but smile. "Okay, just put it in the cart and let's get some more stuff."

Pops threw the juice in the cart. "Ooh I have a score of 3 now. Score!" He continued to twirl around in the aisle until he slipped on a puddle, falling right on his bottom. "Oop!"

Benson ran to his aid. "Oh my God, Pops, are you okay?"

"Yes yes, I'm perfectly swell." He took Benson's arm and got himself up. "It's a jolly good thing I fell on my hindquarters, and a good thing it's a fluffy tush, look!" Pops turned around to show his butt to Benson. Benson simply blushed.

"Uh o-okay, Pops, that's nice." He pushed the cart forward.

_He seems more loopier than usual. Maybe I should start hiding those cookies.._

Once they loaded the groceries into the car and started driving again, Pops pointed out a small little carnival outside of a church.

"Ooh, Benson look! A land of merriment!"

"Pops, you're too ol-"

"May we go? PLEEEEASE?"

_Ugh, not the puppy eyes again! Crap.._

Benson turned into the church and parked. As they got out, they observed it all. There were bounce houses, face painters, games, food stands, anything you'd find at a small church carnival.

Pops laughed and ran towards the bounce houses. Benson had a hard time keeping up with him, but managed.

"I'm definitely giving you DIET tea from now on.." Benson said to himself.

When Benson caught up with Pops, he was jumping in the colorful bounce house. He looked as happy as can be.

"Pops, we gotta go, the groceries are gonna spoil."

"But Benson, I'm having so much fun!"

"Okay, five minutes and then we're leaving, okay?" He turned around to head to a bench.

"Wait, Benson?"

Benson was turning red. "**..What?**"

Pops just stopped jumping. He knew that face. Pops put on his sad-panda face. "Oh, I'm sorry Benson, carry on."

Benson sighed, rubbing his face with frustation. "No Pops, what'd you wanna ask?"

Pops rubbed his hands together, looking around. "I was wondering if you'd like to...jump with me?"

Benson shook his head. "No Pops, I'm-I'm just-"

_Old? Not when it comes to Pops. I...hate fun?_

Benson didn't finish his sentence and proceeded to get in the bounce house with Pops...giving in once again..

"Yay!" Pops practically glomped Benson. "So glad you could join me, Benny!"

"Benny?" Benson replied with a grim expression.

Pops started to jump again, still holding onto Benson. "Jump, Benson! It's so much fun!"

Benson sighed. _So embarassing.._ He jumped a bit, trying to smile.

He saw Pops do a backflip as fast as you can blink your eye. "Weeee!~"

"Pops be carefu-"

"I'm fine, Benson, please! Try to enjoy yourself! I will be fine!" He continued to cheer gleefully. Benson continued to smile, enjoying himself. He loved seeing Pops enjoy himself as well. The only thing wrong was that those families were looking right at them, wondering if the world is truly at an end when an old man and an even older man were jumping in a bounce house...together.

A half hour later, Benson and Pops arrived at the house.

"Okay, Pops, I'll see you tomorrow." Benson was clearly tired.

"Yes, of course. Maybe we can run more errands tomorrow!" He happily said.

"Errands? Those were **definitely **not errands."

"Yes yes, but..you enjoyed yourself, didn't you?"

Benson could never tell a straight lie to Pops, ever. "Yes."

"Oh, I'm so glad~."

"Yeah," Benson admitted, nodding. "It was a pretty exciting weeknight, I gotta admit."

"Well yes, because you didn't expect to have jolly good merriment!" Pops put a hand on his shoulder. "Fun comes along when you least expect it."

Benson smiled. "I'll remember that."

"Night night, Benny!" Pops hopped outta the car and gleefully ran into the house.

Benson sighed, driving off.

_Good ol' Pops. He never seems to age.._


	7. MargaretXEileen

_Yay! Thank you for all those suggestions, guys! I'll write them out ASAP! Feel free to mix up the pairing suggestions too, like mixing main characters with not-so-main characters. There's tons more floating out there. _

_Btw, if you have a specific crack pairing or crack pairings you DEFINITELY wanna see, just let me know in a review and I'll be sure to do those first before all the other ones! :)_

**~7th crack pairing: Margaret and Eileen~**

Margaret sat at the bar 2 hours after work ended, laying her head down on the hard bar table. Her face was still wet from crying.

_He seemed so great. Why'd he have to do that to me? _

She picked her head up when she heard the door to the restaurant creak open. She heard a low sob and a sniffle. She looked to see who it is.

_Eileen!_

Margaret ran to her, hugging her.

"Oh my God, Eileen, what's wrong?"

She could barely talk through all her sobbing. Margaret knew Eileen only cried for a few reasons.

_Poor girl..I hope it wasn't what I think it is..._

"C'mon, Eileen, it's too loud to talk here." She wrapped her arm around Eileen and they walked out of the bar.

It was a bit chilly that night, so Margaret kept Eileen warm with her beautiful, red feathery wing. The sweet little mole didn't even have a chance to shiver. She just cuddled into the wing like it was her own bed.

When they got to Margaret's apartment, they went in and Eileen hung her head as she went to sit on the couch while Margaret went to the bathroom. She wiped her face, trying to stop her crying with positive thoughts.

_There's nothing positive or good about me. What am I thinking?_

When Margaret came out, she brought some tissues and gave them to Eileen.

"I'm all ears." She said with an uplifting smile.

Eileen had to wipe her face a little before she could talk to Margaret. "Well, I, um..I took your advice." She said with a bit of sadness in her voice.

Margaret nodded, wanting her to continue.

"I kinda followed him to the park. I mean, not behind him or anything, just close by so he wouldn't notice me or think I'm weird. Or both, I mean, well, he thought I was weird in the end anyway."

Most people would think Eileen's conversation skills were beyond awkward, but Margaret didn't mind a bit.

_It's only super cute when Eileen does it. It's like her destiny or something..._

"So when Mordecai went inside and Rigby lingered outside, all alone...the breeze blowing his fluffy hair to and fro..."

_Eileen approached him. "Hi Rigby."_

_Rigby nearly shrieked as he turned around to see her. His face soon turned dull and blank. "Oh, it's you. Umm, hi."_

_"Hi." She chirped, and twirled her hair a bit. "So um, there's this new Girls in the City movie coming out Friday and I was wondering if you wanted to go...see it with me."_

_Rigby was clearly uninterested, crossing his arms and looking away. "Ugh, no thanks."_

_"Well that's okay! We can see another movie. Not many people like those girlish movies. How bout Blood and Guts 2?"_

_"No."_

_"Well how bout.."_

_Rigby sighed, angrily frustrated. "Look, I'm just gonna save you the trouble toots...I. Don't. Like you. And I don't wanna go out with you either, okay?" He turned and walked into the house. _

_Eileen stood there, her face blank and tears starting to fall..._

Tears started to fall as Eileen finished. "I don't get it." She shook her head. "He...he seemed like the one, Margaret. Why?"

Margaret's smile flipped and she put a wing on her little friend's shoulder. "Some things just aren't meant to be. I know rejection is hard to handle, but it's a part of life for everyone."

Eileen crossed her arms, looking away. "You never get rejected."

"Of course I do." Margaret said as she looked in Eileen's eyes. This meant she was **definitely telling the truth**. They could always tell if the other was lying or not.

"But...you're such a cool girl and you're so pretty!"

"You are too!" Margaret retorted. "And look, you got rejected! You remember when that biker guy came by the shop, right?"

"Oh yeah, the one with the grape mohawk?" Eileen nodded. "He seemed nice."

"Well, me and him were kinda socializing after I took his order, so I wrote my number on his check. I've never done that before either. He was **that **amazing in my eyes. Anyway, he called me during the shift and I told him to meet me after work."

"Oh," Eileen remembered now. "Did it go well?"

"He was super cool, complimenting me and all. He just seemed so sweet! No guy's ever been that way to me before. So I invited him to the bar and restaurant where we both were earlier."

She layed back on the couch and looked at the ceiling, Eileen did the same. "I waited like a half hour, and he wasn't there yet. He struck me as a guy who wouldn't blow off a date, so I called him."

_"Kyle, I thought you were gonna be here at 7:30." _

_Kyle coughed a bit. "Yeah, so?"_

_"...Well, it's like 8:05. Did something come up?"_

_"Jeez, chill out birdie. What are you, a time expert or something?" He chuckled._

_"Birdie? Kyle, are you okay? You're acting like a jerk."_

_"A jerk huh?" Kyle seemed irritated now. "If you gotta know, I was a little loopy when I was talking to you earlier."_

_"So?"_

_"Well, I tend to be a little bit of a player when I'm that way. I'm better now. But when I saw the pic you texted me. Well, uh..."_

_Margaret waited for an answer. "Well what?"_

_"You're not really that hot at all. Not to mention you're a freakin' bird. The hell was I thinking?"_

_"But Kyle I-" She heard a bunch of chuckles in the background before the call ended._

"Oh my gosh!" Eileen took Margaret's hand. "He hung up on you?"

She nodded. "Turned out he was just a jerk playing with girls' hearts."

Eileen shook her head. "Looks like both our hearts were played with."

Margaret smiled and shrugged. "Guys are jerks. Who needs 'em?"

"Yeah!" Eileen nodded approvingly. "Girls before guys, right?"

Margaret chuckled approvingly and roped Eileen in for a hug. "That's so right!"

They hugged for a few minutes, sharing each others' warmth. Then Margaret came up with an idea.

"I just remembered! I have cookie dough in the fridge." She smiled down at her friend. "Wanna make cookies?"

"Sure, those sound good right now!"

After they spread out the cookie dough, Margaret looked in some of the cabinets. "There's some shape cutters in here."

Eileen instead took some of the pieces and formed them into plus signs.

Margaret put the cutters on the counter and noticed Eileen's shapes. "Oh cool, are those plus signs?"

"Yeah. They're more than math symbols," She looked up at her friend, smiling. "They remind me to keep a positive attitude towards life and its obstacles, no matter how bad it gets."

She hugged Eileen again, loving that her friend was so smart and full of positivity all of a sudden. "Aw! Eileen, that's a great idea! Let's make all the cookies in that shape!"

As they continued to shape the cookies, they smiled at each other from time to time, more than they usually did. As they enjoyed their time together, they each thought the same thing:

_Why can't guys be more like her?_


	8. HighFiveGhostXBenson

**~8th crack pairing: Benson and High Five Ghost~**

"Alright, guys," Benson was talking to the group on the stairs. "The park annual "Eye-grabber" show is 2 weeks from now."

Some of the guys seemed interested and kept listening.

"Now most years, we'd have local bands and musicians come out. A long while ago, we even had the Yonkees come out and play."

"Whoa, bro," Muscle Man stood up. "**THE **Yonkees?"

Benson wasn't amused. "Yes."

"Whoa!" Mordecai, Muscle Man, High Five Ghost and Rigby said at once.

"They've had like 60 number one hits in their whole 15 year career!" Mordecai exclaimed.

"Yep, they sure got the crowds comin' out." Skips nodded.

"Due to budget cuts, the show's probably not gonna attract any crowds this year. We couldn't afford to book anyone." Benson looked at his clipboard. "Only things we could afford would be magicians, but there's no demand for those."

"Ooh, magic spells arise~!" Pops chirped.

"Anyway, Mr. Maellard's coming and he's expecting a show, so I need all you guys to perform ANYTHING on that stage. Music, dancing, talents, stunts, anything that crowds would like."

"And...what if we don't wanna?" Rigby carelessly shrugged.

"You HAVE to, Rigby! Unless you wanna be out in the streets like the rest of us. Mr. Maellard's expecting a 2 hour show, so you all are obligated to perform, no matter how crappy you might be. I'll give you till next week to practice, but you have to tell me what you'll be doing by the end of the day."

Everyone walked away and started to discuss what they would do. Muscle Man and HFG high fived each other.

"Woo! We're gonna rock that show, bro!" Muscle Man said as he high fived his friend.

"Yeah!" HFG said. "I uh-"

"We should use some sticks and make 'em into those fire things you twirl around, or we can both use our fighting skills to beat up 20 dummies within a matter of minutes!"

"Uhh yeah," HFG forced a smile. "But uhh..I actually had another idea."

"Does it involve tacos, man? Cuz I could go for some of those right now-"

"No, Muscle Man, I was thinking I could..you know," HFG smiled and shrugged. "Sing a song, maybe one of Fist Pump's slower songs."

"What!" Muscle Man seemed irritated. "No way, bro. Don't embarass the crap outta yourself. We're doing that fighting thing, bro, that's final." He finished and started walking towards Benson. HFG flew in front of him.

"But I wanna sing! I'll wow the crowd!"

"Dude, no offense to you, bro, but you're not good by yourself at all, at anything."

HFG was angered now. "I can be good by myself!"

"No you can't, bro, I know you! Besides, we're a team. It's boring to watch one person up on stage unless they're awesome or something."

"OH!" HFG yelled. "So I'm not awesome, am I? Well, you know what Muscle Man? You can find another BEST FRIEND!" He quickly flew off past Benson, who'd heard all the yelling. He approached Muscle Man.

"What's going on?"

"I was saving Fives from failure! He was gonna try to SING by himself on stage instead of do some cool stunts with me!"

"So?" Benson said without emotion. "He's allowed to sing by himself if he wants. Anything works as long as it's 'eye-grabbing'."

"No way, that'll make him the park loser! When he sings in the shower, I can hear him from outside and he sounds like a dying cat. Everyone'll boo at him bro, **he can't sing bro!**"

Benson sighed. _I'm really getting sick of all this 'bro' stuff..._

"I'll go talk to him. I'll tell him what you said, but if he insists on singing at the show, you'll have to deal with it!" Benson walked away.

"But Benson-"

"**No! **High Five Ghost is his own person and you **don't own him!"**

This kept Muscle Man speechless for sure.

"Now stay outta my way and don't bother High Five Ghost or you're fired!" With that, Benson left to find the tiny little ghost, leaving Muscle Man to stand there...without his comrade.

Benson began his search for HFG. It was tough since he could've went anywhere.

_God, my job sucks sometimes..._

He kept walking until he saw Skips trimming a bush.

"Skips, have you seen High Five Ghost?"

"Not since the meeting. Why, what happened?"

"Long story. He ran off because of something Muscle Man said. I just need to find him so I can talk to him about the show."

Skips nodded. "He's so quiet, he could be anywhere."

Benson facepalmed. "What am I gonna do, Skips? He needs to be in this show."

"Hmm." Skips was in thought for a few seconds. "I usually don't like lending this out, but it seems like you actually need it." With that, Skips pulled out an infrared thermal scanner. It sure looked like any fancy gadget you could get at the electronics stores.

Benson was handed the device. "What is this?"

"An infrared thermal scanner. High Five Ghost is a ghost, so the average temperature of a place drops when he and other ghosts are in a certain area. Just keep it pointed in a forward direction and you'll be able to find him."

"Thanks Skips!" Benson said as he rushed to find HFG.

It was about 20 minutes later, and Benson still couldn't find HFG. The temperature still stayed the same according to the infrared thermal scanner(ITS).

He was about to give up when he was finally by an old abandoned area in the park. It was blocked off by old trees and debris, but pushed to the side as if it were a part of nature. The ITS then stated the temperature went down about 10 degrees.

"High Five Ghost? I gotta talk to you." He said.

No answer.

"This is serious, Fives. This area of the park hasn't been safe in 10 years. I know you're here so...just come out."

Finally, HFG floated out, with a depressed face.

"I don't wanna go back."

"Well, you have to. Look, I talked to Muscle-"

"He's right," HFG interrupted. "If he told you I'm a bad singer he's right. But I don't care, I wanna sing. I like it. It makes me feel...at peace."

Benson's eyes widened. _He's never talked like this before. God forbid he speaks 3 sentences a day._

"Actually, at first, I thought Muscle Man was lying because he wanted you to be his partner in the show."

"Only partially the reason. The other part is because I suck at singing."

"Ah c'mon, you can't be that bad." HFG handed Benson an mp3 player with headphones that played a sample of HFG singing a song.

Of course, Benson cringed. He quickly took the headphones off.

"Okay, I won't sugarcoat it either, you **really **suck." Benson rubbing the back of his neck, feeling a little guilty. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Benson," HFG smiled. "I'm glad you're honest with me."

"I'll allow you to sing in the show. Muscle Man's just gonna have to deal with it."

"Ah sweet!" HFG cheered as he high-fived Benson. "Actually, I might have Muscle Man do some cool stunts while I sing! Yeah, that's what we'll do!"

Benson wrote it down, hesitantly. "Uh okay, you got it."

As HFG flew away happily, Benson walked back to the park, still in thought.

_I should probably talk him out of those stunts. I can't afford to-_

Benson shook his head and smiled.

_Something's bound to happen anyway. Plus, it'll make the little guy smile..._


	9. MordecaiXBenson

_Okay, this one here is my OTP at the moment, but I'm sure you all will enjoy it, no matter what pairing you're a fan of. Remember, if you have a crack pairing you DESPERATELY wanna see and it isn't here yet, let me know! :]_

_Btw TMNT, RigbyXEileen isn't really a crack pairing, but I'll do a seperate oneshot for you if you want. (Yes, I do take other seperate requests!) Any pairing at all is fine unless it's canon in the show. So far, the only ones are RigbyXEileen and MordecaiXMargaret, so you guys got tons to look forward to! :P_

**~9th crack pairing: Benson and Mordecai~**

"Glad you guys could join me before the crack of dawn." Benson said to his employees sitting on the steps. Everyone else looked pretty awake except Mordecai and Rigby, who SERIOUSLY looked like they needed coffee.

"Now, I couldn't help but overhear you all talking the other night about how your jobs aren't interesting enough and that at times, work can be a rut. So, I decided on something to help motivate **All **of you to work," He looked at Mordecai and Rigby as he said all. "You can each suggest a fun way you'd like to get your work done this week. Skips?"

"I wouldn't mind listening to my radio while I work."

Benson nodded and wrote on his clipboard. "Sure thing. Pops?"

"I want to dance the night away!~"

Benson hesitantly wrote on his clipboard. "Uh sure, okay. Just be careful though. Muscle Man and High Five Ghost?"

"We wanna be able to eat while we work! And if we wanna get more food, we can!"

Benson rolled his eyes, writing on the clipboard again. "Okay, sure."

"WOO!" Muscle Man and HFG cheered as they ran off to get food.

Benson sighed at who was left. "Mordecai and Rigby?"

"Uhh, we gotta talk about it first." Mordecai said.

They each walked into the house.

"Dude!" Rigby said. "We should be able to play portable video games while we work!"

"I dunno," Mordecai shrugged. "We do that anyway when Benson's not around."

Rigby thought aloud. "Ooh! We could bring music and jam out hard!"

"Eh," Mordecai shrugged again. "That's the thing, dude. We do those fun things while we work anyway. Or well, when we're SUPPOSED to work."

"So what?" Rigby said. "Atleast this time we won't get yelled at for it, right?"

Mordecai thought about something, something way out of the ordinary. "I got another idea." He grinned as he whispered in Rigby's ear. Rigby slyly grinned, while chuckling as well.

"He can't say no to it either!" Mordecai exclaimed.

"Cuz he can't!"

"Ooooooooohhhhhh!" They chanted, as lowly and sly-like as they could.

They finally went outside to approach Benson.

"Have you guys thought of anything yet?"

Mordecai grinned. "Yes we have." He went a bit closer to Benson, looking right in his eyes.

"**Role reversal**."

These two words alone caused Benson to drop his clipboard. "What? You guys want **my ** job when you can't even do your own?"

"Yeah, totally." Rigby happily nodded, not seeing any problem with it.

Benson just laughed. "Okay, really. What do you guys want, you wanna watch TV while you work?"

"We're serious, Benson." Mordecai said. "We wanna see what your job's like."

"It's ten times the work you slackers get, and you can't SLACK OFF."

"Yeah yeah we get it," Rigby swatted him. "We boss people around and act uptight, we know."

"Yeah, you guys should pick something else, you're not ready-"

"No way, Benson," Mordecai started. "You said ANYTHING. And besides, if we see how hard your job is, we'll appreciate our job even more."

Benson was quite surprised.

_Mordecai always seems to know the right thing to say, doesn't he..._

"Fine." Benson grinned indignantly. "But I'm already sure you guys can't handle one minute in my shoes."

Mordecai picked up the clipboard and glare-grinned at Benson. "We'll see about that, **slacker**." With that, Mordecai gave Benson a rake that magically appeared out of nowhere.

As they each walked around, they felt like they'd gotten an ego boost.

"Dude, this is great!" Rigby exclaimed. "I feel like ten pounds of shiny gold!"

"Yep. My mind spews the best ideas." Mordecai sees Muscle Man. "Hm, hm. Follow me."

Muscle Man was trimming a bush and eating a 2-foot long churro covered in syrup and cheese when he noticed the duo in front of them. "Whassup, ladies? I bet you want some of this 2-foot long stick!"

Rigby sniffed the yummy fried snack. "It does smell good!~"

"Get your own then!" Muscle Man chuckled. Mordecai and Rigby proceeded to cross their arms.

"Hm, hm. That's no way to talk to **park managers**."

"Keep dreaming, Morde-chunk. You WISH you were a park manager!"

"I did, and Benson granted it."

"We told him it'd make us appreciate our real jobs better. It's called role reversal, baby!"

Muscle Man saw Benson walking by, raking leaves. "Yo Benson, are they really the managers this week?"

"Yes, so you do as they say, Muscle Man." Benson said monotonously. Muscle Man glared at them.

"Ooooooooohhhh!" They chanted.

"Now get back to work or you're fired with a capital p!" Rigby clearly had too much fun acting like Benson.

"No way am I gonna take orders from a twerp!" Muscle Man started running away, and Rigby followed.

"I don't have a problem firing you dude!"

Rigby continued to chase Muscle Man, but Mordecai stayed behind. He saw Benson close by and walked toward him.

_Let's see how he'd like a taste of his own gumballs. Heh heh.._

"Hm, think you can work any faster, Benson?"

Benson glared up at Mordecai. "I'm going as fast as I can. It's hot out here."

"No excuse." Mordecai crossed his arms. "And don't go off to slack or I'll..I'll have to punish you, yeah."

Benson raised an eyebrow. "Interesting. Sure, Mr. Mordecai, I'll keep working, **sir**."

Mordecai smiled. "That's better. You **better **keep working." Mordecai chuckled as he walked away.

A few hours later, Rigby and Mordecai met up again.

"Dude," Mordecai frantically said. "Have you seen Benson?"

"Pfft, I dunno. I thought you put a radar on him for sure since you've been following him around all day."

"What? No I haven't."

"Dude, I've went to Skips, Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, even Pops! You've been on Benson's back for the past two hours..." Rigby grinned. "Literally." He chuckled like a hyena.

"Dude, shutup! I'm onto Benson because I wanna show him I'm not a slacker, and that you're not a slacker, and that we can handle our work, no matter what."

"Okay, fine!" Rigby said. "Jeez, I didn't mean to defile your boyfriend." He chuckled again.

"Whatever man, I gotta find Benson." As Mordecai walked off, Rigby sighed indignantly.

"He digs the dude."

Mordecai had searched all over the park for Benson for a while now. He was doing his work for a while, but he'd disappeared all of a sudden. He was nowhere to be found.

_Wait. I haven't checked the house yet._

Mordecai smacked his head. How could he have forgotten that? He continued on into the house.

"Benson? Are you in here?" He stopped and noticed the living room. "Whoa."

The whole living room was a mess. All the pictures were off the walls, the TV was flipped over but not broken, garbage was all over the floors, even the chair was flipped backwards.

He continued to look around. He heard something smash in the kitchen and he ran to see...

_Benson?_

Benson knocked over the coffee maker, then he noticed Mordecai. "Oh, hello. **Sir**."

"Benson, did you do all this?"

"Yeah, why?"

Mordecai shook his head, not believing this. "Okay, why though? Did you get mad again?"

Benson grinned and shrugged. "Yeah, let's go with that. I felt like I needed to vent, and all of this was the result."

"Well uh," Mordecai rubbed his chin. "This isn't acceptable. I uhh..." Mordecai was never the 'boss' type, and it showed. "I won't have my employees break things without my permission."

Benson crossed his arms and grinned. "Oh well, deal with it." He tried to walk away, but was stopped by Mordecai, who seemed to have taken on a stricter attitude.

"No, I'm not gonna let this slide, Benson. I told you to do your work or else you'll have to face a punishment."

"Pfft, whatever. What are you gonna do, force me to play your stupid video games?"

"Nope, way worse." Mordecai took his arm. "Let's go, we're heading upstairs."

Both Benson and Mordecai were blushing the whole time. They'd never held each others' hands before, and it seemed like it added even more to this upcoming moment, whatever it was gonna be. Benson couldn't help but ponder.

_I really hope he's not thinking what I'm thinking...well, if he is, than it's not so bad I guess..._

They were now in Mordecai and Rigby's bedroom.

_...I have no comment. At all._

"What are we doing in your room?"

Mordecai turned to face him. "I figured it'd be the perfect place to, you know, punish you...accordingly."

"Wow," Benson rolled his eyes. "You sure know some big words now, **boss**."

"Yep." He got a bit closer to Benson. "I was bored and read a dictionary." He put his wing on Benson's crank.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Punishing you, now keep it down."

Mordecai turned the crank a few times. It was hard to turn it though, since, of course, Benson would never allow anyone to touch his crank.

"Uhh-um, this is-AGH!"

Benson was about half-enjoying this, and Mordecai could tell. Benson felt like Mordecai was a torturous devil carrying him all the way to heaven.

But all Mordecai wanted was a gumball...or a few.

_Cuz dude, they were tempting me like crazy..._

As Mordecai continued to turn the crank and mess with it, Benson acted like a loopy person on the verge of screaming happily.

_Ching!_

A couple gumballs came into Benson's slot and Mordecai happily took them and placed them into his mouth, chewing them.

"Mm, wild cherry-berry flavored. You must be mad cuz they usually look grape flavored."

Benson came out of his happy trance. "I can't believe this. All the different punishment methods in the world and you **had **to choose that one!"

Mordecai blew a bubble. It grew large by the second. When it reached Benson's face, it popped, spreading all over him.

Benson's face was blank. He didn't know whether to look totally grossed out...or totally aroused.

Mordecai grinned. "Best punishment ever, even **you** liked it." He was about to turn and walk away when Benson spoke up.

"Mordecai?"

He turned to smile at Benson. "Yeah?"

Benson smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uhhhh, you're doing a good job. I uh...I might actually have you be a manager more often...if that's okay."

Mordecai beamed. "Oh cool, thanks!...Benny." Mordecai playfully said as he walked out of the room.

Benson felt his face turn hot from that whole event. He'd never felt this way before.

He walked downstairs to clean up the mess. He remembered that Mordecai and Rigby(especially Mordecai) would still be managers for the rest of the week. He grinned.

_Time to find out what else grinds Mordecai's gears..._


	10. BensonXMargaret

_I noticed this suggestion coming up a lot, I was excited to try it! Hope you enjoy :)_

**~10th crack pairing: Benson and Margaret~**

Benson was sitting in his office, doing some paperwork as usual.

_Where are those idiots with my coffee? They've been gone like 2 hours!_

Soon enough, Mordecai and Rigby came through the door.

"Sorry we're late, Benson. We got your coffee." He set it down on the desk.

"Better late than forever, right?" Rigby chuckled at himself.

"Uh, it's never, dude, not forever." Mordecai corrected.

"Same diff-"

"Why on Earth did it take you guys **2 hours** to get me one small coffee? I can't believe you guys actually SLACKED OFF on getting coffee!"

"Nono Benson, we just got caught up!"

"Yeah," Rigby said. "Mordecai wouldn't stop talking to 'Maaaargaret'-AH!" Mordecai punched him.

"It'll never happen again, Benson. I promise."

Benson raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure." He took a sip of the coffee and put it right down. "Ugh, it's all cold and weird-tasting now." He got up from his seat. "You morons can drink that coffee, I'll get my own!" With that, he left.

Rigby chuckled. "I can't believe he actually took a sip."

Mordecai raised an eyebrow, but held back a laugh. "Ah dude, did you?"

"Yeah, I peed in it and put an ice cube in it to hide the taste! Hahahahaha! High-five!" He waited.

Instead, Mordecai was beyond grossed out. "Ah sick dude, I thought you farted in it."

"No way, I took it to the next step! The CLASSIC step!"

"That's gross, even for you, dude." Mordecai shook his head.

"Pfft, whatever. It was worth it."

Benson saw that the coffee shop was straight ahead, and he continued on.

_As usual, I have to do things myself if I want them done right. Even when it comes to a freakin' coffee..._

Benson entered the coffee shop. It was the middle of the afternoon so it was pretty dead with the exception of a few customers. It was nice and quiet; just what Benson needed.

He found himself a small table and sat down, rubbing his head that seemed to be full of frustration at the moment.

_Freakin' idiots. FREAKIN' IDIOTS. I've never met scum as dirty as them before. I swear they're from another planet if they think raking the leaves is REAL LABOR. They have no idea. Why why why can't I-_

"Can I help you, sir?"

Benson looked up to see a tall, red robin smiling at him. He took a deep breath.

"I-I've never been here before. Do you have a menu or anything? Miss uh-"

"Margaret. Oh, and of course." She happily gave him one. "I'll give you a few minutes to look it over." She walked away, seemingly graceful.

He looked over the menu. It had all kinds of coffees, frozen beverages, teas, soups, sandwiches, salads, pastries, cakes, macchiatos, lattes, expressos, and every other fancy 'coffee shop' item you could think of.

Benson closed his menu as Margaret came back a few minutes later.

"Whatcha havin'?" She smiled.

"I'll just have a small coffee. Extra caffeine, if you can."

"Really?"

Benson raised his eyebrow. "What do you mean 'really'?"

"There's tons of other beverages you can try. My personal favorite is the caramel cream macchiato."

Benson chuckled a bit. "Oh, those are kinda fancy for me, I'll just stick to the coffee."

"It's not about fanciness, sir, trust me. If you're trying to get extra energy by the caffeine, the regular coffee's not really gonna help you. Something like the lime tea expresso or even the lemon mocha latte will give you an extra kick because there's more ingredients than just...you know, essentially coffee beans."

Benson looked at the menu again. He tried to find one of these fancy shmancy drinks that would taste good AND give him a good kick. "Okay, how's your green tea macchiato extreme?"

"I like it! The customers seem to enjoy it too. Not only does it keep you awake, but the green tea is good for your health too."

Benson nodded approvingly. "Green tea machi-whatever for me."

"Cool, I'll put your order in. Try not to fall asleep though, okay?" She jokingly said as she saw the gumball machine was a bit drowsy. She smiled as she walked away.

"Yeah, I'll try!" He called back. He rubbed his eyes and realized something. Margaret is one hell of a saleswoman.

_Wait, Margaret? The girl Mordecai always mentions?_

He watched her smile and flawlessly collect cups and walk into the kitchen.

_Wow, so graceful, and so convincing! _

Benson shook his head and chuckled.

_She's way outta his league for sure._

A few minutes later, Margaret brought out the machi-whatcha-callit.

"I hope you enjoy it."

"I hope so too." Benson took a sip, then widened his eyes with happiness. "Wow." He looked at Margaret. "This is..amazing!"

Margaret nodded. "See? Better than coffee, right?"

Benson felt like he was on air. "Probably. Wow. Just wow! It's like I forgot every crappy thing that happened to me today!"

Margaret chuckled. "It does that, I've noticed."

Benson chuckled. "I mean, earlier I was mad at my employees for bringing back my coffee so late-"

"Wait, Mordecai and Rigby work for you, right?"

Benson rested his head on his hand, sighing. "Unfortunately."

"They're really cool friends of mine."

Benson shrugged. "It's different when they work for you. They can't even do the simplest jobs, it drives me nuts!" He sipped the beverage again.

Margaret nodded. "My boss yells at me sometimes too. I'm kindof guilty of what you're talking about."

"Really? I can't see why. You're such a good waitress."

"It's tough though," Margaret explained. "See, we have to make a certain amount of money per month and if we're like, way under the quota, she yells her head off at us."

Benson smiled. "Well, she certainly shouldn't blame it on you. It's not your fault if the customer doesn't want an expensive thing on the menu."

Margaret smiled and sighed. "Bosses, right?"

"Yep," Benson started thinking of Mr. Maellard. "They yell at you for the dumbest things."

Benson then changed the subject. "What's a dessert you reccomend?"

"Wow, it's hard to pick one. I really enjoy the chocolate lemon supreme."

"Okay, I'll buy you one as well as one for me." Benson handed her a bill and smiled.

"Aw, you don't have to. It's-"

"But you don't look that busy." Benson said as he looked around. Margaret smiled.

"Okay, but only if it'll make your day better."

Benson smiled and nodded. "My day's already looking up, thanks to you."

"I'm glad to hear that. I'll be right back."

Benson sipped more of his drink, happily sighing.

_Wait, I just asked Mordecai's crush to have some cake with me. Maybe I should say no..._

Benson shrugged.

_Hey, his loss. Maybe next time he'll bring my coffee back faster._


	11. PopsXSkips

_Here's another one I saw requested a lot. I did my best with this one, hope you all like it! :)_

**~11th crack pairing: Pops and Skips~**

The sun was about to go down. Skips just got finished working on one of the park's golf carts, wiping sweat off his face. He started heading for his room.

_I'm gonna sleep good tonight, that's for sure-_

"Skips?"

Skips turned around. "Hey Benson."

"I hate to ask, but I gotta ask a big favor of you."

Skips wiped some more sweat off his brow. "Sure, what is it?"

"Well, Thanksgiving's coming up in a few weeks. For some strange reason, Mr. Maellard wants Pops to be there way early."

"Hmm." Skips nodded with no emotion. "Which one of the 8 homes is he staying at for the holidays?"

Benson crossed his arms, showing his sheer hatred for the crappy big-head owner.

"The one that's 150 miles from here. The one with the three pools and in-home 'special' services."

Skips shared the same hatred for him, but it never showed in cliche ways. The old lollipop man constantly threw his money around. "Ah. Perfect.."

"But look, I have tons of papers to fill out before we hit our quota. I need you to drive him up to that home before noon tomorrow, Maellard's orders."

Skips scratched his head. "What about-"

"Don't worry, I'll have Muscle Man cover you while you're gone." Benson pulled out his wallet and handed some bills to Skips. "Here's money for gas, food, anything you need. You know what to keep Pops away from, right?"

"Sugar and anything shiny, gotcha."

"Okay, thank you Skips. It takes about 2 or 3 hours to get there, don't be late." Skips nodded, understanding fully.

Skips was on the road with Pops at about 8:30 the next morning. Skips took his chances and let Pops sit in the passenger seat. One thing's for sure, he felt better than he usually did most mornings.

_All that work knocked me right out. Otherwise I'd be falling asleep at the wheel._

"You don't gotta use the bathroom, right Pops?" Skips asked.

"Oh no no, of course! I went right before we left."

"Okay, good."

The car was silent after that. Pops twiddled his thumbs a bit. He really enjoyed chatting with Skips when the time was right.

_The gentleman just loves solitary peace most of the time, unfortunately._

"So Skips, what are you going to be doing for the Thanksgiving coming up?"

Skips shrugged. "Eh, probably nothing."

Pops gasped. "But Skips, the Thanksgiving is about spending time with family! You don't want to be alone do you?"

"I've been alone in the past. I'll be fine."

Pops did nothing but frown. "No Skips, you shall not be alone this Thanksgiving. Atleast have a turkey dinner with your coworkers, they're like family!"

"Nah, everyones' got plans."

"Oh my," Pops sulked. "Even Benson?" Pops knew that Skips and Benson were close friends.

"Yeah. I think he's visiting his parents." Skips ended it at that.

Pops was a sad panda now. _Oh poo. I don't want Skips to be alone! Hmm. OH! Unless.._

"Skips! Spend Thanksgiving with me and my family!"

"I can't, Pops."

"Now why not?"

"It's a time for family, Pops. I ain't your family."

Pops sighed. It wasn't a normal sigh though, it was one of those depressing sighs. Skips noticed.

_Crap.._

"Pops, I didn't mean it like that, okay? I don't wanna interfere with you guys. Plus, your father isn't even that fond of me."

"He favors you more than anyone there, Skips." Pops smiled. "He believes you're hard-working and quite strong for a fellow."

Skips slightly smiled. "That's nice of him."

"So, you'll come stay with us, yes?"

Skips hesitated. "I'll think about it."

They continued to drive. They were about to come up on a rest stop on the highway, so Skips turned into it and decided they'd go get a bite to eat.

It looked like any highway rest stop, with a little food court, convenient stores, even brochures for theme parks that were like hundreds of miles away.

After Skips took some food to a nearby booth, Pops came over, giggling and holding a brochure.

"Skips, we should go here during the Thanksgiving week! It has so many splendid things to do!"

"I dunno, ask your dad. Here, I got you a chicken noodle soup." Skips sat down with his large hoagie.

Pops did nothing but gleefuly stare into his soup, watching the noodles float around as he giggled.

Skips rolled his eyes and smiled. _No one's as happy as Pops, that's for sure._

Skips noticed that Pops didn't have a spoon for his soup and handed one to him. "Here's a spoon."

"Ooh!~" Pops took it and stuck it to his nose. "Look, I'm a walrus!" He giggled.

"C'mon, Pops, you gotta eat. We've still got a long ride." Skips still continued to smile genuinely.

"We'll make another stop on the long dirt road, yes?"

"Nah I gotta get you to the house by noon. Otherwise your father'll blow a fuse."

Pops took the spoon and played with his soup. "I wish my father was a bit more heart-ful, Skips."

Skips nodded, fully agreeing. "Me too, Pops. Me too."

Soon, they were on the road again. Pops, again, found it to be way too quiet.

"Skips, may I listen to some music?"

"Sure." Skips turned it on and it was some loud rock group. They were a Fist Pump knockoff band.

"Wow, I sure do hope their parents aren't at home!" Pops said, as if he was a little boy doing naughty things himself. He giggled once more, bobbing his head.

Skips just turned the music down a bit and cringed.

"Whatever happened to real music? I can't listen to the radio anymore without hearin' garbage like that."

"Aw now Skips," Pops scolded. "All music is real. If it wasn't real, why, it would only be in our wildest dreams~"

Skips simply sighs. _Even in arguments he never gets me mad. I don't say that about everybody. Well, everybody but Pops._

"I just mean the quality of the music. People don't write any good lyrics anymore. All these bands today only seem to want one thing."

Pops perked up. "What is that?"

_Uhh..._ He looked to his right to see a sign that said they were only 20 miles from the exit. "We're almost to the house. You excited?"

Pops sighed. "I'm afraid my excitement gland is not jumping for joy."

"Why? You don't like stayin' in huge houses with pools bigger than the average lake?"

"It isn't that, my good man. I've just...well, I've learned that I enjoy long rides with you, Skips." Pops shifted in his seat a bit, glancing at Skips. "Now I'll be staying with my father and...I can never talk to him like I can talk to you. He simply never listens."

Skips now started to feel that rare heartfelt emotion. He usually kept things strictly no-emotion, but this...this tugged his dusty heart strings quite a bit.

_Maybe I shoulda kept talkin' about the bands. _

"You can try. Maybe his old heart'll change for the holidays, you never know."

Pops didn't smile as he looked out the window, seeing nothing but trees and wildlife. "One can only hope he'll change this year."

Skips didn't know what to say after that. He kept quiet the rest of the ride.

Thank goodness they were already close.

When they got off the highway, it wasn't hard at all to find the house. It was like the skyscraper of this small town. Even the tiniest ant could identify it.

Skips went inside the open gate and stopped right in front of the house.

"Have a good Thanksgiving, Pops."

Pops smiled. "You too, Skips." He got out of the car. He started to sulk inside.

"Wait, Pops."

Pops turned around to see Skips opening his arms for a hug. Pops gleefully took the offer and gently hugged the bigger man.

"If I can, maybe I'll come up to see you on Turkey Day, okay?"

Pops gasped. "Oh my, you will? Oh thank you, Skips! I certainly hope you can! It'll make my day!"

"Yeah, I don't got no other plans, and...after this ride, I kinda favor other peoples' company...sometimes."

Pops smiled. "I'm glad to hear you changed your mind. I will ask my father if you can stay and I'll certainly let you know the details!"

Skips looked at his watch. "Its 2 to noon, you should head in."

"Oh yes, of course!" Pops waved. "Tata for now!" Pops giggled as he went inside.

Skips could still hear the giggles from outside. He smiled as he went back into the car and drove off.

As Skips drove on the highway, it was far more quiet without Pops around. As he thought about this, he felt that feeling in his hear again.

_And the loneliness begins..._


	12. Muscle ManXHigh Five Ghost

**~12th crack pairing: Muscle Man and High Five Ghost~**

It was Saturday night. Most people are out partying, spilling cans of soda down their throats, and trying to get some lady pecs.

Muscle Man and High Five Ghost?

...Yeah, they're like most people. They were waiting in line to get into the newest club that opened up called "Bing a` la Pole". The duo had seen the good-sized building change club names forever it seemed. When a club wasn't "hip" anymore, the name changed and suddenly it was hip again.

"WOO! I'm ready, bro!" Muscle Man high-fived his ghost friend. "I bet this club won't suck like the last one!"

"Yeah!" HFG chirped.

"Next." The muscley bouncer said.

Muscle Man and HFG went up to the bouncer.

"We're ready to get our party on, dude! Let's DO THIS!"

The bouncer simply observed them, no "party" in his face. "Sorry man, no Halloween costumes allowed."

He wasn't commenting on their everyday wear, just the two of them in general. Everyone else that was getting into the club were just regular people...and a few occasional animals.

"What? We look fine! Just let us in!" Muscle Man was a bit irritated now.

"No, now get lost."

"What's the reason we can't get in?" HFG asked.

"Hmm. Oh, I don't know, you guys look like Halloween permanently barfed on you, especially the ogre-lookin' one," He glanced at Muscle Man and chuckled. "Were you an accident or just a failed abortion?"

"What! Bro, that crap is really rude, bro! You HAVE to let us in now!"

"Nope, now get lost. Maybe there's a costume party going on somewhere." The bouncer said, waving them off.

"Let's go, I wanna go in!" A dude behind them complained.

"Fine, you know what? Let's go, Fives. This place blows anyways." They started to walk away, but Muscle Man went up to a part of the building wall.

HFG chuckled. "Ah you gonna do it again?"

"Yep!" Muscle Man unzipped his pants and started taking a giant leak while HFG made him look inconpicuous. "Ahhhhhhh~" Once he was done, he zipped back up.

"That's the same exact spot I sprayed when this place was "Rango Bangos"."

HFG looked upset. "We couldn't get into Rango Bango's either."

"Let's forget that blow-chunks club, I bet there's some awesome wrestling on anyway!"

Alas, there wasn't. Apparently the Wrassle Frassle wrestling matches happened the night before.

Instead, the duo were watching a marathon of the Socky(Rocky Balboa knockoff) movies on DVD for the 10th time in a matter of 2 weekends.

HFG sighed. "Why can't we watch anything other than these, man?"

"Bro, you don't remember?" Muscle Man started. "They shut our cable off. We spent our paychecks on this awesome soda!" Muscle Man said as he grinned and held up sparkly soda in a glass. "And it was WORTH IT! WOO!"

HFG chuckled. "Cheers to that!" They clung their glasses together and drank even more.

After about 4 more glasses, the boys were barely watching the movie anymore.

Muscle Man glanced at his friend. "Fives, when's the last time you had a girlfriend?" 

HFG sighed. "Forever."

"Ah what! That's messed up, bro."

"Yeah. Girls see right through me, even the short ones."

"That blows. You deserve a good piece of lady pecs any day."

HFG smiled at his friend. "Don't feel bad for me, atleast you have Starla."

"Well yeah but bro, I mean," Muscle Man scratched his head. "I don't know how to put it but...she's not really a man's woman."

"What?"

"She's becoming more girly for some reason. When we go to the mall and stuff, I'm like her shopping cart sometimes, which is okay I guess since she's so hot and all."

"Hmm."

"But what really gets me is that she's trying to keep me to herself so I can't hang out with you and all, but she knows I live here. She's like 'well you can move in with me my house is nicer' and I'm like 'baby cheeks, where I am now is closer to work. We can still see each other but now's not the time to be moving places and stuff.'"

"How'd she take it?"

Muscle Man laid his head back. "She hasn't been talking to me that much. She's probably still mad, but she'll get over it." He grinned. "She always comes runnin' back to the Mitch-meister."

"I'm glad you told her that, though." HFG said. "It's so awesome living with you and all. You're the best friend I've ever had, man."

"Hey," Muscle Man said. "You know I'd never leave my best friend behind in the dust, you're everything in my eyes, bro."

They smiled.

"Plus," Muscle Man said. "You'd be like peanut butter with no jelly if it wasn't for me."

HFG chuckled. "You're right about that!" They high fived.

Muscle Man poured more soda in both of their glasses. They rose their glasses.

"Best friends before best breasts always!"

"Always!" They cheered and gulped the bubbly soda.

They laid back and laid their eyes on the movie again.

"But just so you know, bro," Muscle Man said. "Whatever happens, I could never go through life without lady breasts. It's impossible."

HFG nodded. "Me either, Muscle Man, me either."

Muscle Man grinned. "You know who else could never go through life without lady breasts?"


	13. RigbyXBenson

**~13th crack pairing: Rigby and Benson~**

Mordecai and Rigby sat on the couch watching TV. It was a Saturday, and Saturday meant relaxation.

Rigby wiped his mouth, feeling it was dry. _Stupid mouth._

"Hey Mordecai, do me a solid and get me some soda."

Mordecai simply glared at him.

"What?"

"Dude, I'm never doing solids with you again."

"Ah man, why not?"

Mordecai scoffed. "You don't remember what happened last time? How you almost messed the house up? And you almost destroyed my rep because of the..you know.."

Rigby started to chuckle. "Oh yeah, I remember. That was awesome." He chuckled.

"Hope you enjoyed it, because I'm never doing that again, same goes for the solids."

"What? C'mon man, my mouth's dry and my feet are asleep. Please?"

"Fine." Mordecai grinned. "But I have a solid for you once I get back."

"Pfft, bring it on, man. You suck at giving solids."

Mordecai went to get him a glass of soda. As he came back, he smiled gleefully as he watched the raccoon guzzle the soda. When he was finished, he saw Mordecai staring at him. It was actually pretty scary.

"**Rigby..**"

Rigby gulped. "Y-yeah?"

Mordecai gave the most evil smile of them all. "Do me a solid and...**make out with Benson**."

Rigby jumped to his feet and terror instantly flashed onto his face. "WHAT? No way, man! No FREAKIN' way!"

"You have to, dude!"

Rigby waved him off. "No! No! No no nono NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Mordecai laughed. Rigby was practically forcing himself to gag.

"Duuuuude!" Rigby whined. "That's so gross! I'd rather eat farts than do that! You're INSAANE!"

"Hm, hm!" Mordecai grinned. "Should've thought about that before you made me do that terrible solid AND recorded it!"

"I'll do any solid but that! PLEASE!" Rigby begged.

"No, Rigby! I can't change solids, that's not how it works. You have to do it and get over it."

"AGH! I can't just go up to him and smack lips with him, he'll fire me! Is that really what you want, Mordecai?"

Mordecai thought about it. _Maybe it was an intense solid to give. But whatever, that fateful solid'll always be worse. He'll embarass himself in front of one person, big deal. Rigby made me embarass myself in front of everyone I know, including Margaret! Revenge is sweet, Rigby, revenge is sweet.._

_I gotta help him with it though. He's still my best friend.._

"Look Rigby, you're better off getting even than getting mad."

Rigby crossed his arms. "I'd rather get mad."

"No dude, I know a way you can do the solid without it being sudden and getting Benson nuts. But you have to promise me you'll never do solids with me again. Promise?"

Rigby sighed. "Promise." They shook on it. _I guess I'll have to get everything on my own from now on..._

Rigby crossed his arms as he walked up to Benson's apartment door. He has the whole plan under control, atleast that's what Mordecai is thinking, and what Rigby thinks he thinks. He took Mordecai's advice and put some super sticky strawberry-flavored glue on his lips.

_Being glued to Benson's lips already sounds puke-worthy.._

He sighed and knocked on the door. Bensom came to open it and saw Rigby.

"What is it?"

"Uh, hey Benson. Listen, I uh, I came to tell you..I'm sorry for peeing on your desk, and..throwing clangy objects at your head.."

"And stealing my lattes, flinging dirt on the truck, the list goes on, Rigby. I could stand here all day if I wanted to.." Benson did nothing but glare at the raccoon.

"Well uh, I wanted to make it up to you."

"Make it up to me? Why? All you'll do is slack off like you always do."

"Benson, I'm-" He tried his best to keep a straight face. "I'll help you around the house, man. What can I do? Any chores?"

"Hmm." Benson thought. He walked inside, Rigby followed. "There is some garbage to take out."

"Okay, that's easy-" Benson pulled out a big trash bag from the kitchen.

"Here, take this to the dumpster."

"Pfft, yeah right I can't-" Rigby almost snapped, but stopped. "No problem." He had to drag it out the door it was so heavy.

Rigby kept mumbling to himself as he got closer to the dumpster.

"Ergh, stupid solid. I'm not even getting paid for this." He struggled to lift it and throw it into the garbage.

Rigby came back into the apartment.

"Okay, I'm back."

Benson sat on his chair in the living room. "Good. I have some dishes in the sink. Wash those and put 'em away."

Rigby sulked to the kitchen. "Yeah...right on it."

He barely cleaned them, though. He got some of the food off them, but not much, enough for Benson to notice.

_Pfft, not like I care if he catches a sickness.._

Soon, Rigby returned to the living room with his hands wet.

"Done."

Benson raised an eyebrow. "That was quick. You did ALL the dishes?"

"Yeah, all the ones I saw."

Benson still eyed him, and ran to the kitchen and saw the dishes were "absolutely" clean.

_Wow, he's actually useful.._

Benson returned, a half-smile on his face.

"Wow Rigby, I gotta say, I'm actually surprised. Here." He handed Rigby a bagged lunch. "I don't know if you'd eaten yet."

"Whoa cool, thanks!"

"Once you're done eating, let me know. I'll be outside getting some fresh air." Benson said as he walked away.

Rigby sat at the table, and opened to see what was inside: ham and cheese sandwich, a cookie, and a soda. Rigby somewhat chuckled at this.

_He'd make a good mom. Ha!_

To Rigby's surprise, the food was well made and tasty. Not poisoned or anything.

Rigby would deny it up and down, but he actually enjoyed the weekend Benson. He seemed...a bit calmer.

Once Rigby finished, he went outside and approached Benson.

"Okay Benson, I'm done."

Benson glanced at him. "Well, you sure didn't slack off at eating."

Rigby shrugged. "Food's good, what can I say? Speaking of that, that was some good eats!"

"Yeah, I make those bag lunches myself." He looked out a bit and looked back at Rigby. "I have another task you can do, but I gotta have your trust first."

"You can trust me, Benson." Rigby said, smiling.

Benson gave him a raised eyebrow and shook his head. "No, I really can't, usually. Today I'm just in a good mood." He gave him an envelope. "Here, take this to the office."

"The post office?"

Benson facepalmed. "No. The apartment office. That envelope has this month's rent payment. When you get to the apartment office, hand it to the guy named Teddy."

"Teddy?" Rigby chuckled. "Sounds like a tool."

Benson smiled and rolled his eyes. "He's known for that. But the matter at hand is you give that envelope directly to him, NO ONE ELSE. I'll know if you give it to anyone else."

"How would you know?" Rigby was curious.

"...I'll be evicted and you'll find me living at the house." Benson replied monotonously.

"Oh. Be right back." Rigby said as he walked off with the envelope.

Benson watched him leave.

_Please, please, PLEASE, of all the things you screw up, PLEASE don't screw this up.._

Once Rigby got to the apartment office, he went to the receptionist's desk.

"Excuse me, is there someone here named Teddy?"

"Why yes, he's right in that office." She pointed to the door on the right.

Rigby walked over to it and opened it. Inside was a man with a wrestler's build around his later 40s. And...he's playing with dolls?

"Yes yes I know, Pammy," The man said in a high pitched voice. "But you gotta keep your clothes on or it won't work-" He looks up to see the raccoon and puts the dolls away. "Uh h-h-h-how cna I help you?"

"Uh yeah, are you Teddy?"

"WHO'S ASKIN'?" Teddy hid a bit. "It's not those big girls is it?"

Rigby was confused. "Umm, no? I'm...just dropping off this month's rent."

"Oh. Okay sir, just set it down in that stack." Rigby sat it down and stood there for a sec, feeling awkward and trying to hold back a laugh.

"Whatcha waiting for, the next new year? Go, man-coon, go!" Rigby quickly ran out and Teddy continued to play with his dolls.

Rigby laughed all the way back to Benson's apartment. Benson heard him walk in and walked up to him.

"What's so funny? Did you drop the rent off?"

Rigby tried to stop laughing. "Heh, yeah, I got it all covered."

Benson raised an eyebrow. "Did you give it to Teddy like I told you?"

"Yeah, I told you."

Benson narrowed his eyes. "What did Teddy look like?"

Rigby grinned. "Hes big and muscley, and plays with dolls. Edgy too."

Benson rubbed his chin. "Hmm, I trust you for now. But it better be there."

"Yeah yeah," Rigby waved him off jokingly. "What else do I gotta do?"

Benson put his hands on his hips. "Hope you like a full plate."

Throughout the next hour, Rigby did many sets of chores: laundry, vaccuming, replacing the carpet, making the bed, cleaning the kitchen and fixing the TV.

Soon, Rigby took a break and had some tap water.

Meanwhile, Benson came back from a walk and noticed the difference in his apartment.

_Rigby...really did all his chores! I never thought I'd say that!_

He walked into the kitchen where Rigby was.

"Rigby, wow." He smiled at him. "You've really outdone yourself. I-I'm speechless."

Rigby grinned. "I'm just awesome like that."

"It's too hard to believe. Really."

Rigby glanced around. "Huh?"

"C'mon Rigby, what's up with you?"

"What?"

"Well, first of all, you told me you were sorry. While it was nice, you're never really apologetic. Second, now keep in mind I **FULLY APPRECIATE IT**,..." Benson leaned on the kitchen counter while looking at him. "You did everything I asked of you and you're not at work."

Rigby shifted his eyes around and shrugged. "I'm just feeling...good."

Benson simply raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. There was really no fooling him when it came to his employees.

Rigby looked down and sighed. _Oh well, say good-bye to the chill Benson.._

"I-I had to do a solid that...involved me coming here."

"Ah I see now. You did all this work because it was a solid."

Rigby couldn't tell if Benson was hurt or just being neutral.

"That makes sense. I mean, you doing all this work? Even a toddler wouldn't believe it!"

Rigby crossed his arms. "I feel a lot better."

Benson chuckled. "No no, Rigby, I appreciate the work you've done here, really! I thank you for it! But..." he looked up and sighed. "That's a classic solid. Whoever came up with it was a genius! Was it Mordecai?"

"Yeah but-"

"It couldn't be though, maybe it was-"

"Benson!" Rigby now had his attention. "T-this work stuff wasn't my solid." He turned away and backed up a bit, not wanting to be nearby Benson. "My solid...was to...make out with you."

Benson's face suddenly went blank.

"I just...didn't wanna do it upfront and...get you mad."

Still blank. He looked like he just saw two birds get killed with one stone.

"Yeah, stupid solid, right? I'll tell Mordecai to just skip-"

"Yeah," Benson said. "There's no doubt in my mind that Mordecai gave you that solid, now that I think about it."

Rigby rubbed the back of his neck. "It's my fault, I should've left the solids alone."

"Well," Benson looked around. "It's a solid, so it's gotta be done or else. But you keep it secret or I **will **fire you, no questions asked. Deal?" Benson held out his hand.

Rigby shook the hand. "Deal. Definitely deal."

Benson looked down at Rigby, thinking of how this was gonna happen. He was so small.

Benson sighed. "Uh, sit on the counter."

"Why?"

"Just do it, trust me."

Rigby did what he was told and sat on the counter. Sitting down, he was at Benson's level.

Benson walked closer to Rigby and inched close, closing his eyes. Rigby closed his eyes too.

They both reached out, puckering up their lips, and finally...they touch.

It was simple, no noises except the low smacking of their lips. Rigby seemed to get into the moment as he grabbed Benson's hand, taking it in his own. Benson used his free hand to take Rigby's other hand. Despite this, they still kept their eyes closed.

After about two minutes of making out, they attempted to pull apart, but alas, their lips were stuck together. Rigby widened his eyes, remembering earlier.

_Ah man, thanks Mordecai..you turd._

They attempted to pull harder and harder. After about 20 seconds of hard pulling, their lips were finally apart. Benson looked startled.

"How the heck did that happen?"

Rigby violently shook his head. "I don't know, my mouth's been actin' weird all day!" He wiped his mouth, Benson did the same.

Benson crossed his arms, feeling oh-so awkward. He looked around. "I think you did everything that needed to be done around here, Rigby." He gave him a genuine smile. "Great job."

Rigby smiled. "Thanks." He jumped off the counter. "But I got a question. How come you didn't freak out when you found out my real solid?"

"It's a solid, it's gotta be done no matter how you react to it, so I just shrug it off my shoulders."

Rigby smiled and nodded. "You took it pretty well though, I'm impressed."

Benson smiled.

"I better go though. I gotta slap Mordecai for giving me that solid." Rigby was about to head out the door.

"Rigby?"

"Yeah?" He looked back.

Benson smiled. "Give him a punch for me, okay?"

Rigby nodded. "For sure, man. See ya Monday!" Rigby closed the door behind him.

Benson simply sighed and grinned.

_And to think I was gonna close the door on him. How silly of me.._


	14. EileenXBenson

_I thought this would be a good pairing to try out. Maybe you guys'll like it better than MargaretXBenson, we'll see :)_

**~14th crack pairing: Eileen and Benson~**

"Alright guys," Benson said to everyone on the steps. "I know we were gonna have our game night tonight, but a few hours ago I saw a flier that said the annual Casual Ball starts tonight at 8. So, this week, our game night is gonna be..."ball" night." Benson said that last sentence oh-so dryly.

Muscle Man grinned. "Ah yeah! This Prince Charming's gonna steal all the Cinderellas!" He chuckled and hi fived HFG.

"Pfft," Rigby started. "Prince Charming? More like prince barfing!" He directed a finger at his throat pretending to gag and Mordecai held back a laugh.

Muscle Man glared at him then grinned back at HFG. "He's just jealous."

Benson continued. "For those of you that haven't gone before, it's strictly casual even though the event is gonna be covered in fancy decor."

"Ooh!" Pops called. "Do I get to wear my special knickerboxers along with my frock coat?"

"Uh no Pops, it's strictly casual. Just wear what you always wear."

Pops looked a bit down now.

"Same goes for all of you. You don't need any impressive suits or anything like that, just come wearing what you would wear if it was a friend's party."

Benson looked at Mordecai and Rigby now. "And you two better not skip out on tonight either or I'll have you clean the gutters with nothing but your fingernails."

Rigby shrugged. "That's not so bad."

Benson glared. "...**for the next six months.**"

Mordecai and Rigby had bug eyes now. "Yeah, we're definitely going."

After a long day, it was finally 8 pm, and the ball was already jammin'. It's one of those events that draws everyone, from the most well-mannered people to the coolest losers around.

Speaking of which, Mordecai and Rigby were sitting at a table, watching people dance.

"Ugh, how long do we have to stay?" Rigby said. He clearly wasn't enjoying himself. "Dances are such a waste of time, man."

Mordecai crossed his arms. "Yeah, same thing you told me when you convinced me not to go to prom. You're still a jerk for doing that, dude!"

"Oh barf." Rigby waved it off. "It's not like Rachel wanted to go with you anyway!"

"You're just jealous no one wanted to go with you!" Mordecai retorted.

"Hey, all dances are overrated, especially prom, egh." He took a sip of his drink. "They're only decent when you can get a chick to go with you."

Rigby then noticed Mordecai going into a trance. Mordecai saw Margaret dancing with Eileen, though he barely noticed Eileen, only Margaret and her stunning 'casual' look. "Duuuude, Margaret's heeere.." He entered a trance and started walking over to where she was. Rigby followed.

"Ugh," Rigby said. "I'm gonna barf up my lunch if you don't quit the ooey gooeyness!"

"Hey guys." Margaret said. Eileen stood beside her and smiled.

"Hey Margaret," Mordecai smiled. "It's nice to see-" He looked down and saw Eileen and his eyes widened. Eileen was all prettied up it seemed. Her hair was down and had a red headband in it. This complemented her red dressy t-shirt, jean skirt and red flats. She still wore her glasses.

"Eileen, you look so...awesome."

Eileen blushed. "Thanks Mordecai. I wanted to look nice tonight."

"I helped her out with her look." Margaret said, then she whispered in Mordecai's ear. "She wanted to look nice for Rigby."

Mordecai smiled and looked at Rigby, who was looking somewhere else. "Rigby, me and Margaret are gonna go get some punch, you and Eileen should talk."

"No wait!" Rigby cried, but they had already walked away. That's when Eileen walked up to him, genuinely smiling.

"Hi Rigby, you look nice tonight."

Rigby looked at himself. "I always look like this."

Eileen rubbed the back of her neck. "Oh oh I know that, I was just saying it to be...nice." She heard an upbeat song on. "Ooh, I love this song!" She held her hand out to Rigby.

He looked like he saw a ghost. "What are you doing?"

"Umm..." She blushed. "W-wanna dance...with me?"

Rigby crossed his arms. "Agh, this dance already sucks. Don't make it worse for me, okay?"

Eileen looked down, feeling heartbroken. "Um, okay."

Rigby walked away. "I'm getting punch."

"Can you get me some?" She looked back to see if he was still there, but of course, he'd already walked away from her.

Eileen sulked where she stood, feeling a few tears roll down her face. She saw there was a bunch of people around her, so she hung her head and walked to an empty table that was near the buffet tables. She rested her head on her hand, sighing.

_He didn't even notice my new look. Why is his heart so hard to win? Maybe I should grow taller or something, I really want him to notice me..I really like him, I really do. _

She started to get emotional and cried a bit, laying her head down.

_My luck is the worst..._

Meanwhile, Benson and Skips stood by the buffet tables, sipping down shots of red soda.

"So.." Skips said, roaming his eyes around.

"So.." Benson retorted.

"...where's your date?" Skips asked.

"Where's yours?"

"C'mon, don't be a copycat. I wanna know."

"No really, where's your date, Skips?"

Skips sighed. "I've been alone for years. Most guys need a woman to be happy, but me? I rely on mother nature to give me what I need."

Benson rubbed his head. "That's quite the anecdote."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"C'mon, Benson, you've been alone a long time. When's the last time you had a girl?"

Benson crossed his arms. "No one since 'she who shall not be mentioned'."

Skips nodded and furrowed his eyebrows. _Veronica. Of course.._ "No reason why you should be alone though."

Benson sighed and looked up at the ceiling, pretending like there were stars there. "She was like no other."

"You gotta move on."

"It's hard to."

"Yeah but it's better than wasting your life wonderin' what coulda been." He noticed Benson was now looking somewhere else. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

Benson was looking at a table, where a certain short brunette girl was laying her head down. "Look at her, Skips, she's all alone at a dance."

Skips let out a chuckle. "You two got something in common."

Benson continued to look at her, wondering and wondering. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Go on, talk to her."

Benson sighed. "Okay."

He slowly walked to her table. He tried to be quiet so she wouldnt' hear him take a seat beside her.

Eileen still sobbed quietly, almost falling asleep since she was becoming mentally tired from the crying...

"Are you okay?"

She almost shot her head up to see who it was, but refused. She didn't want anyone seeing her soaked face.

"Yeah."

Benson could hear the sobs in her voice. He tried to smile. "You don't have to hide from me. I'm just here to talk."

Eileen sighed and rose her head up slowly. Her face was noticeably tear-soaked and her makeup was all smudged.

Benson simply offered a napkin, and she happily took it, wiping her face.

"All that makeup on and you're alone at a dance?" He felt bad for her.

She sniffled. "Not exactly." She smiled to herself. "I was trying to impress someone I liked."

"How'd it go for you?" Benson mentally facepalmed himself. _The answer's all over her face, you idiot._

"It was actually going well, until I kinda struck his nerve, I guess. I think I was asking too much of him when I asked for a dance. Then..he kinda walked away from me."

Benson seemed angry now._ She's so pretty! What idiot would just walk away from such a cute and lovely girl? _

"That was rude of him. This is a dance, there's nothing wrong with asking someone to dance with you."

Eileen shrugged. "I think it's me. If I was someone else who was less weird and all, he'd probably be more willing to dance and...go out with me."

Benson put a hand gently on her shoulder. "I understand. It can be tough sometimes to get a person you really like to ask you out." He instantly thought of 'her'. "Maybe it wouldn't have been worth it anyway, miss..."

"Eileen." She beamed.

"Miss Eileen." She liked the way he said that. She even blushed a bit. _He's such a gentleman.._

He'd taken her hand off her shoulder and was giving her a sympathetic smile. "It could've been a sign, you know?" He looked off into the air, looking nowhere in particular. "It could've stopped you from getting yourself into a relationship that would go from good to extremely horrible."

Eileen sighed and nodded. "You're right. I don't need him, I just have to learn to-"

"Move on and move forward." They both said together. They noticed this and looked at each other, and nervously giggled.

"It's like you read my mind." Eileen smiled.

Benson rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Yeah, I tend to do that at the right moments." They were both quiet for a second.

Benson finally spoke up. "I'm Benson."

She took his hand into hers and shook it. "I'm so happy to meet you, Mr. Benson."

Benson blushed. "I-I-I appreciate the flattery, but Benson's just fine." Benson grinned at her. "Well, unless Mr. Benson sounds better to you."

Eileen giggled and blushed again. "Anything that makes you happy."

Suddenly, the DJ put on a slow dance song. While Benson was looking at the people dancing, Eileen held her hand out and sheepishly smiled.

Benson looked back at her and saw her hand was reached out towards her. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Eileen shrugged and smiled. "I don't know, you're the mind-reader, right?" They giggled again. He gladly took her hand, and they walked to the dance floor.

As they held each others' hands tight and danced close together, they smiled and stared into each others' eyes.

He smiled at her. "Thank you for enhancing my night."

She nodded and smiled, holding his hands tighter. "My pleasure. Thank you for dancing with me."


	15. RigbyXEileen

_You guys seem to like RigbyXEileen, so I'll go ahead and do one for you guys even if it's not a "crack" pairing. Rules were meant to be broken right? ;)_

_Anyway, I hope you enjoy :)_

**~15th crack pairing: Rigby and Eileen~**

It was an ordinary Tuesday afternoon and Mordecai and Rigby were doing what they do best: sippin' joe, bro style.

Mordecai sipped his coffee and smacked his lips a bit. "Dude, Benson's totally gonna kill us." He said this carelessly. It seemed to be one of those days.

Rigby sipped his coffee in the same fashion. "Yeah. But it was worth it."

"No it wasn't," Mordecai argued. "Benson's gonna know we threw food at those kids!"

"Hey, I had to do something! They were throwing rocks at us before we even threw food at them!"

"Well yeah, but it's not like the food was free to throw. Benson said we have to-"

"I know, I know, 'act in an orderly way' blah blah blah." Rigby replied, rolling his eyes. But looked back at Mordecai. "But none of that matters when my animal instinct meter turns on! Those kids had it coming!"

"Hi guys."

They looked to see Eileen refilling their coffee cups.

Mordecai smiled. "Sup Eileen?"

"Oh, the usual."

"What?" Rigby asked. "Bugging us while I was telling a story?"

"A story?" She gazed at him. "What's the story about, Rigby?"

Rigby turned away from her and sipped his coffee. "Nunya."

Eileen seemed confused.

Mordecai gave her a shrug. "He was uh, trying to say it's not your business."

Eileen silently nodded. She wasn't always clear on common slang.

Mordecai gave her a reassuring smile. "Nah, it's anyones' business. Rigby's just being a total jerk."

"What? No I'm not." Rigby glared. "I was defending myself out there. Those kids HAD IT COMING!"

"Oh no!" Eileen asked, glancing at Rigby. "Did the kids hurt you?"

"Pfft, no way. They totally didn't leave one scratch on me. Stupid kids and their rocks.."

Suddenly, Eileen got an idea.

"I'm gonna go make some more coffee." She walked away into the kitchen oh-so quickly.

Rigby sighed with relief. "I don't think she'll ever take the hint."

"Dude, you're never gonna get a girlfriend with that attitude."

"What?"

"You just turn girls away without giving them chances."

"Who, Eileen? I don't even like her!"

"Yeah you do. If you actually disliked her, you would've actually told her by now. You just sound like you're having trouble with your emotions or something."

Rigby just blankly stared. _What the 'H' is he talking about? I never liked Eileen! Even if she IS weird and...nice-_

Suddenly, Mordecai's walkie talkie started beeping. This usually meant that he was needed back at the park, and he WAS indeed needed..

"Ah, we gotta go back." Mordecai said.

"Yeah right, I'm not going back there til Benson's gumballs are cool and blue."

"Dude, we gotta face him one way or the other."

"No! I'm staying here!"

Mordecai was confused at first, but then slyly grinned. "Oooohhhh...okay."

"Huh?"

"No no, it's fine, I'll cover you, you just stay here...**and be back before midnight**." He chuckled suggestively and walked out the door.

"Dude! What are you talking about?"

Too late, of course. Mordecai was already walking back to the park.

Rigby simply sat in his stool, rolling his eyes. _Back before midnight, pfft. What's he even mean by that?_

Meanwhile, Eileen was walking in circles, thinking.

_So...a bunch of kids threw rocks at Rigby. Rigby __**says **__he doesn't feel hurt, and there aren't any scratches.._

She smiled, rubbing her chin a bit.

_But what if I convince him he's hurt? Rigby's cute, but he can be so naive sometimes. I'll just tell him I volunteered at a doc's office, and it'll all go uphill from there.._

She cheered silently and did her own little victory dance. Maybe Rigby would finally be nice to her!

_I'd give anything to be his girl.._

While Rigby was pondering about Mordecai's words, he saw Eileen come out of the kitchen with a sandwich and facepalmed himself.

_What's his deal? I DON'T LIKE-_

"Here, Rigby. This sandwich should help ease your pain a bit."

"I'm not in any pain!" He picked up his sandwich. "God, why's everyone keep saying that?" He was about to take a bite when-

"Oh no, be careful with your arm, Rigby!"

"What?" Rigby asked, confused.

She smiled. "Well, when any of your ligaments are hit with any type of hard matter, it's best to rest their respective body parts shortly after the attack occurs."

He stared blankly at her. "English?"

She approached him a bit. "Give your arms a rest, they're probably all brittle from that rock fight."

He simply gave her bug eyes. _Okay, what? How did she know I was hit with rocks? Let alone hit on my __**arms**__?"_

He ignored this for a second and remembered his hunger. "I can't rest my arms, Eileen. How else am I gonna eat this sandwich?"

She smiled. She already knew how he was gonna end up eating the sandwich, but she just wanted to test him for fun.

_I'm just glad he's finally talking to me.._

She rubbed her chin. "Try your feet, maybe?"

He reached his feet up and felt a little twinge of pain. "Ah man, my legs too?"

Eileen gasped. "Oh no, looks like you gotta rest the legs too!"

Rigby was frustrated now. "Ergh! How the heck am I gonna eat this sandwich? The smell is TEEEEEMPTING MEEEE~~"

"Hmm." She 'thought'. "I could...feed it to you?" She smiled, waiting for an answer.

His face expressed no emotion whatsoever.

"...yeah, no." He shifted in his seat, feeling uneasy. He wasn't sure how to feel about that at all. "I'll just...use my mouth."

With that, he proceeded to go facedown into his sandwich. He looked like a little piglet munching away at his grub.

But Eileen was still feeling a bit playful. She pulled out a pair of tweezers and inched it down to his neck, pinching his skin real hard. She quickly pulled them away as he came back up, groaning and rubbing the back of his neck.

"Agh, of all things, it has to hurt to eat?"

She shrugged and innocently smiled. "Maybe I should've just fed you." She shook her head. "Silly me.."

Rigby all of a sudden felt weird twinges of pain around his body. This changed his state of mind quickly. "Crap! Why's all the pain coming on now? I swear I wasn't feeling it earlier."

She looked up in thought, rubbing her chin, then looked back at Rigby. "Well, I remember a doctor told me the pain increases as the say goes on. That goes for any injury you get, whether it be a sprain or even a little boo-boo."

Rigby scratched his head, somewhat grinning. "Wow. How do you know so much of this stuff?"

She blushed a bit. "I volunteered at a doctor's office. The knowledge I picked up there helped me a lot."

"Huh." He smiled a bit. "I guess if you hadn't told me about the whole pain-matter-whatever thing, I'd probably be covered in casts by now."

"Well, you know, not exactly.."

Rigby smiled. "No no, you really did help me! You're a genius, Eileen!"

She beamed. _That's the sweetest thing he's ever said to me.._

"But question: If my muscles are being wacko, how am I gonna get back home?"

She smiled and nodded. "I know the perfect solution, but you're gonna have to cooperate."

The sun was already setting. After Eileen had closed the shop, she and Rigby were walking together.

...well, except Eileen was carrying Rigby bridal style.

Rigby somewhat blushed as he shifted in Eileen's arms. "This is-uh, this is nice and all, but...how strong are you? You sure your chick arms won't drop me?"

"It doesn't take much strength to carry you, Rigby. You're light. Even if you were chubby, I'd still help you back home."

"Pfft," He chuckled. "Yeah right, you're just kissing my butt, aren't you?"

"No, you'd have to get home somehow right?"

Rigby shrugged a bit. "I guess so."

After that, things went quiet, all except for their pondering minds, each thinking this:

_Looks like my little lie went a long way.._


	16. SkipsXBenson

_Here's another I think you guys will enjoy! And Jelly I'm afraid I can't do crossover pairings. It's strictly Regular Show crack, but crossover pairings seem like a good idea though :P_

_Anyway, enjoy guys! :)_

**~16th crack pairing: Benson and Skips~**

It was another pleasant day at the park, and Skips was planting the last oak tree. He carefully placed it into the ground as he had done with the other trees.

"There, that should be deep enough," He quietly said to himself.

"Good tidings to you, Skips~!" Pops said as he skipped in front of Skips.

"Hey Pops," He said. "How's your-" He looked up and saw Pops was wearing an abnormally large amount of green.

Skips half-smiled. "You look lucky, don't ya?"

"Oh yes! It's the most wonderful day of the year! St. Patrick's Day!"

Skips's eyes bulged. "Its-its-it-a-what?"

"St. Patrick's Day!"

"No!" Skips pounded his head.

"What's wrong? Don't you enjoy the leprachaun day of gold and joy?"

Skips sighed. "It's a long story. I gotta go." He skipped off, mumbling random things.

He frantically skipped now, his mind playing tricks on him. He started seeing a bunch of peril around him-

"Hey Skips!"

"AH!" Skips stopped skipping and saw the devious duo in front of him and sighed.

"Oh hey guys." He sees that Mordecai and Rigby are wearing green shirts that have arrows pointing left and right, saying "He farted" and "He licks feet".

"Nice shirts."

"Yeah, they're perfect for St. Patty's day. The joke store had 'em on clearance." Mordecai said.

"Yeah man, and you can wear 'em all year," Rigby glances at Skips and approaches him. "Ah, no green huh? Looks like you're gettin' PINCHED!"

Skips grabbed his arm. "I don't like celebratin' this holiday."

"How come?"

Skips sighed. "You wouldn't understand." Suddenly, he hears some sort of noise and skips off.

Mordecai watches as he leaves. "Dude, maybe he hates the holiday because he has no green. We should get him a shirt or something."

"No way! I was SO gonna pinch him but he pulled the 'I'm big bad and macho' card!"

Mordecai crosses his arms and shakes his head. "One..track...mind."

Skips continued on. It was already the afternoon so he had to make his trek fast.

_She'll kill me if I don't do it this year, but how am I gonna get-_

"Hey Skips."

Skips stopped to see Benson was walking in front of him.

"Benson, hey. I gotta-"

"Okay, I know this is short notice, but this is good news!" He happily pulled out two coupons. "These take 15 dollars off each entree at the Shimmery Bucket."

"I-I can't-"

"So if you're not busy, we can go get some finger lickin' chicken plates after work-"

"Benson." Skips loudly interrupted. "I uh, I gotta go do something..I'll be right back."

"Well, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just..gotta go. I'll be back later." He skipped off quickly, leaving Benson with a blank face.

_Everytime I'm nice, stuff like this happens. Oh well..._

Skips continued off into the forest. He really didn't wanna leave Benson hanging like that, but after missing 3 St. Patrick's Day rituals in the past 3 years, he just had to go do this one, even though Skips truly wanted to go to dinner with his boss instead.

He looked for her among the trees and bushes, **Gally Lox. **She was a gnome-looking girl that cursed the 'chosen' people for her own pleasure. Skips was one of them, chosen several years ago.

If you're chosen, you have two options: you either bring her a 50 gallon pool of melted titanium, or you have to participate in a painful ritual that lasted the whole day, which really felt like a whole year.

Obviously, Skips has always chosen the latter option. But Skips has skipped the past 3 rituals 3 years in a row. After years of pain, what's wrong with taking a break, right? Skips simply gave the gnome extremely believable excuses, and she foolishly believed him, but now...

**Boy, was Skips in for a surprise...**

"SKIPS!"

Skips stopped dead in his tracks as he looked down with fear. There stood the 3 foot tall gnome girl with a heated expression.

Even though he always feared Gally, he still kept his content face on. "Hey Gal, uh, how's your day?"

"Well Skipper, it would be even more delightful if you **set your priorities straight**."

"Is this about the rituals? Look, I'm sorry, okay? I had stuff come up but-"

"Really now?" She smiled devilishly and crossed her arms. "Three holidays in a row you **just so happen **to have something come up?" She shook her head and sighed. "I'm getting sick and tired of it."

"Look, I came back this year, alright? I'll do three rituals if you want so I'm up to speed-"

"**NO!**" She was clearly agitated now, and her face seemed to change a bit. "You listen here, Skips, this year you're going to find me a tub of titanium **OR ELSE!"**

"But Gally, that stuff's hidden underground, I'll never reach it-"

"**THAT'S IIIIITTTTT!" **Gally now seemed to grow a head past Skips height and snatched him up. Her kiddie voice now mixed with a satanic voice.

"**I've had enough of your petty excuses!" **Meanwhile, Skips wriggled in her arms. "**You're useless to me now, so now...you're going to help me create my own titanium! To the cauldron we go!**" She laughed maniacally as she easily carried Skips to the cauldron.

Meanwhile, the sun was setting, and it'd been 4 hours since Skips was supposed to "be right back". Now, Benson was walking through the forest, looking all around for Skips.

"Skips? Skips?" He started to hear distant yells. They seemed loud and..

_...manly sounding.._

"HEEEELP!"

Benson gasped. _That IS Skips! _He reached behind him and grabbed an old ripped book, reading it while he ran and followed the noise.

Skips was now hanging above a boiling pot of unknown juices, tied to a rope. His feet were oh-so close to the liquid. He could feel the steam touching them. He tried to lift his legs up a bit.

Skips tried to reason with Gally. "Isn't there an alternative here, Gal? I'll do anything!"

"**No!**" She angrily replied. "**You've fooled me long enough! I've decided the world does not need you anymore, Skips. So...when this liquid is heated up just right, your whole body will be merged into titanium!"** She started to laugh again while Skips tried to untie himself, but alas, she'd tied him up really well. He just rolled his eyes.

_Oh well, life was okay. I don't mind going to-_

All of a sudden, he saw Benson hiding behind the cauldron.

"**It's just about ready, Skips...**"

Benson put his two hands on the cauldron.

"**Don't you worry, I'll make good use out of you.."**

Benson started to push and push the large cauldron with all his might.

**"Too bad no one cares enough about you to come and save you..."**

"I do!" Benson said as he used all of his strength to the max and pushed the cauldron to the floor, the liquid harshly dissolving into the ground.

"Benson?" Skips said as he saw Benson. Bensom simply smiled at him.

Gally was now ten-times angrier than she was earlier.

"**NOOOO! How dare you interrupt my activity! You'll PAY FOR THIS!"**

Benson quickly opened the book to a page. "Not if I have anything to say about it!"

"**Wait, what is that book?"**

"Gnome away, gnome away,"

Gally started to bubble. "**No stop!"**

"Think and think your final thoughts as you decay,"

She suddenly rose into midair, bubbling even more. "**NOOOO! HAVE MERCY!**"

Benson evilly smiled and continued to read.

"Your foolish life must now take a joyful turn,"

Her whole body except her face bubbled, while her face was filled with fear.

"You will now dissolve into nothing...and **never... ever... return."**

All of a sudden, a portal opened. The screaming gnome turned into juice and was then sucked into the portal. After that, the portal disappeared, with everything turning back to normal.

Skips couldn't believe what just happened. He simply attempted to untie himself, but Benson decided to do it for him.

"Uhh Benson I-"

"It's okay, Skips, I understand." He pulled out the old book. "I found this on your bed, I kinda figured I'd need it when I found you." He gave it to him.

He looked at the title, _How to Get Rid of Gnomes. _"Yeah, I was gonna use it today, but I forgot." He looked at Benson. "Sorry I almost got ya killed."

"It's fine. I just didn't know you had to do those rituals every St. Patrick's Day."

Skips chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, it was uh, kinda embarassing to bring up."

Benson smiled. "Well, you don't have to worry about it anymore, right?"

Skips looked through the book. "According to the book, it looks like you're right. I really appreciate what ya did though, Benson. I'll make it up to ya."

Benson put a hand on Skips's shoulder. "How bout tonight?"

"What about tonight?"

Benson pulled out the two coupons, smiling a tiny bit. "There's still time for chicken plates, I mean, if you WANNA go. If not, it's fine..."

Skips genuinely smiled. "I'd love to."

They walked off out of the forest.

Benson glanced around a bit, grinning. He reached his hand near Skips hand...and pinched him.

"Ah!" It actually hurt. "Look, I didn't mean to get you killed, alright?"

"That's not why I pinched you, Skips."

"Huh?"

Benson got a bit closer to his ear. "You're not wearing any green."

They laughed a bit and continued to walk. Skips rolled his eyes and sighed.

_I had it comin', didn't I? What a holiday..._


	17. StarlaXHigh Five Ghost

**~17th crack pairing: High Five Ghost and Starla~**

High Five Ghost flew up to the door of the trailer, case of soda in his hand. With a free hand, he opened the door.

"I'm back I-" He stopped and saw Muscle Man and Starla kissing on the couch.

HFG's smile flipped. _Here come the insults.._

They stopped kissing. "Oh look, baby, ghost brought us some soda! Hook it up!" Muscle Man got up and grabbed the sodas.

HFG just stood and floated randomly in the air as Muscle Man shook one of the sodas extra fast.

"Dude," HFG cried. "You'll blow up the trailer!"

Muscle Man just laughed. "Listen to him, Star, he's such a wienie!"

Starla laughed. "Yeah!"

HFG couldn't believe it. "But the trailer DID blow up last time! It'll blow up again, man!"

"Chill your grill, bro! I'm just havin' some fun!" Muscle Man was shaking the can suggestively in front of his babe. "Check this out, Starla! It's Fives's idea of fun!"

They laughed together. HFG looked like he was gonna tear up. Everytime Starla came over, Fives was always the butt in every conversation.

_I hate him sometimes. I just wanna punch him.._

"Oh Mitchy," She smiled. "I love your sense of humor!"

He grinned. "You know who else loves my sense of humor?" He opened the can towards Starla's upper body. It sprayed all over her shirt. "That can of soda!" He laughed.

Starla seemed to blush a bit as she chuckled. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Fives float out of the room in embarassment. "I didn't bring an extra shirt, Lumpkin."

Muscle Man suggestively grinned. "That's fine, baby. You don't need a shirt."

Starla just blankly stared at him. She gave him her house keys.

He grabbed them and sighed. "Fine, but I'm not rushing back." He walked out, closing the door behind him.

Meanwhile, Fives sat on his bed in he and Muscle Man's room, writing in his journal. Every thought that came to his mind, he put in the journal.

_Ever since they got back together, he's been such a jerk! I mean, I don't mind that she comes over and all, but I mean...I wish Muscle Man wouldn't make me look like such a wussy. Then again, he's always been like that for as long as I can remember.._

He stopped for a minute and saw Starla go to the small kitchen to wash her hands. He picked up the pen.

_I can totally see through her. Everytime Muscle Man makes a 'joke', she laughs. Everytime HE laughs, SHE laughs right along with him. I mean, c'mon! He's not that funny. He is sometimes, but there's no doubt in my mind that she's just pity laughing and_

He hears the faucet turn off and he looks up to see Starla..

_Ah man, she's doing that shake-dry thing with her shirt again. God, everytime she shakes that shirt, I feel myself mentally smile._

She shook some more water off the white shirt and soon left it alone.

_...Oh God, I can see right through her shirt..now I feel all tingly and...energized. _

He looked up and saw her open the fridge. She bent over to grab the pudding at the bottom.

_I love that she wears those short skirts, oh God I love it! Now I know why Muscle Man puts all the goodies at the bottom of the fridge.._

Starla ate some pudding while walking to her man's room.

_and why he has it where you can see the fridge from the couch.._

"Hi Fives."

HFG looked up to see Starla eating some pudding, and discreetly hid his journal.

"Oh, hi Starla."

She swallowed and scooped up a glop of goodness, pointing it towards him. "Want some?"

He couldn't help but nervously smile. "U-um, I'm fine, thanks."

She sat beside HFG, putting the pudding down.

"How come you came in here?"

HFG looked away, showing embarassment. "I just...wanted to give you guys alone time."

"Oh." She glanced away for a second. "Mitch sometimes hates alone time."

HFG nodded. "He hates a lot of things."

"Yeah." She replied. "He can be a real jerk sometimes.."

_Tell me about it..._

"More to me than you, though." He half-smiled. "That's a good thing."

She gasped. "No it's not, Fivesies!"

He couldn't help but half-blush at the nickname. She'd call him so many things before: Fiverino, Fivey Five, but Fivesies...that was icing on the cake.

"Yeah it is." That's all he could say.

_How could I say anything else?_

"No it's not. He was being so mean to you earlier. Wait. Is that why you came in here?"

He somewhat shrugged. "I'm used to him being like that."

"He shouldn't say all those mean things, especially the part with the soda can."

"Ah, it's what friends are for, right?"

"I mean," she continued. "I think you're a really special person."

HFG's mouth opened as wide as a small grapefruit.

_I don't even think she's listening to what I'm saying, but-_

"You really are." She took his hand. "You're right, Mitch is always gonna be the way he is, Fivesies, but don't let his words hurt you."

"Umm uh uh.." He looked up and she was indeed holding his hand, **and **she was being helpful to him!

"Aww don't be sad, Fivesies!"

"I'm not, I'm just..." He smiled. "You made me feel a lot better, Starla."

"Yay!" She quickly pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. Though HFG begged for air, he was more focused on the certain body area he was being forced against..

_I'm getting that energized feeling again..._

She finally let go. "Wanna watch TV, Fivesies?"

"Maybe in a lil bit. I gotta finish something."

"Okay! I'll be watching TV!" She smiled as she walked out.

He pulled out his journal.

_Now that I think about it, Muscle Man should've stayed and let Starla walk around without a shirt.._

He was about to write again when he saw her bend down to get more pudding. The thoughts came back.

_Well, I probably wouldn't have gotten a 'bone-crushing' hug if that were the case.._


	18. MordecaiXMuscle Man's Mom

**~18th crack pairing: Mordecai and Muscle Man's Mom~**

Mordecai and Rigby had gotten one of the easiest jobs at the park today: raking the leaves.

Well, it's easy for **almost** everyone..

"Ugh, man, it's too hot to be raking leaves." Rigby whined, glaring at his rake.

"C'mon, Rigby, let's just get it over with." Mordecai replied, oh-so optimistically. "Besides, atleast it's not as bad as the snack bar."

"Ah, don't remind me of that. I'm still glad I was right about the whole thing, huh dude? Mordecai?" He looked up to see his friend was staring off into space again.

Not exactly..

Mordecai's eyes were beaming, pointing towards a medium sized woman with a green complexion and glossy brown hair.

"...Dude, she's so...stunning."

"Agh, not another chick!" Rigby hated that lovesick part of Mordecai. He saw that he was still in some sort of trance and shook him. "Dude, did you forget about 'Maaargaret'?"

Mordecai' dreamily smiled. "But duuude, this chick is just soo...wow..ah, she's coming this way!"

The woman was heading towards the twosome.

"Quick, how's my hair look?"

Rigby crossed his arms. "Hm hm, hardly noticeable.."

"Hello boys." The woman smiled at them. "I'm looking for my son."

Mordecai was automatically interested in her story. "What's he look like? I can help you."

"Oh my, you can?" She had a somewhat high-pitched voice. "That'd be so amazing if you could."

"I so can." Mordecai smiled. He dropped his rake. "Let's go."

"Mordecai wait!" Rigby tried to stop them. "We still got tons of raking to do!"

"Pfft," Mordecai shrugged carelessly. "It can wait. It's not like anyone expects us to finish it anyway"

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Rigby saw that they'd already left and pouted. "Tough crowd.."

Mordecai and the woman continued to walk. He glanced at her dreamily, while she just had a somewhat depressed look on her face.

"I just don't know where he'd be." She said.

He snapped back to reality. "Well, think back. When's the last time you saw him?"

"Oh, it's been months and months..."

Mordecai raised an eyebrow. "Months? Is he in the missing child ads or-"

"No no, he isn't, sweety. Mitch is a bit too old to be in that section-"

"Wait, Mitch?" They stopped. "You mean..Muscle Man?"

She chuckled. "Muscle Man? I'm afraid I don't understand."

"Well, I mean..." Mordecai was so confused right now. "That's what he goes by at work. We kinda found out his name was Mitch a while ago but..." He shook his head. "Okay, I'm confused again."

She laughed, trying to take it all in as well. "He works at the park, huh? I think we're both talking about the same person. He's got my skin, you know, some other features."

He looked at her. _There's no way! She looks too hot to be-_

"He doesn't like to spread it around often but...I'm his mother."

Mordecai's eyes bugged. _Okay, no WAY is any of that true.._

"But miss I but-b-but uh.." He couldn't believe that a woman so stunning and breathtaking could birth something so...Muscle Man-ish..

"You..look so young."

She genuinely smiled at this. "I get that a lot, umm.."

"Mordecai." He took her hand and gently shaked it.

"You can just call me Em."

Mordecai shyly rubbed the back of his neck. "Umm..if you're not doing anything later, maybe we can, you know, go do something."

Em smiled. "We could walk somewhere nice and quiet." She smiled gently. "I do enjoy nice, long walks."

"Uh sure, sounds good. Wanna meet me at the park entrance around 7?"

She nodded. "Sounds good. I'll see you then." As she walked away, Mordecai simply stood in a dream land. Then he realized something.

_...I just asked out Muscle Man's mom..._

He had a weird feeling about the whole thing, but shrugged it off.

_Eh, big deal. It's not like it's any of his business or anything.._

It was a slightly chilly night, and the two walked down the block together, window-shopping and just enjoying the city night. Em wore a sweater that complemented her fit-looking body well. Mordecai, however, walked in his usual bare attire.

She was a bit concerned. "Mordecai, how come you're not wearing a coat or anything? You could catch a cold."

He smiled at this. _The mom title totally fits her.._

"I'm fine, Em. I'm just toughin' it out, ya know? I can handle anything, even a measly little cold."

She chuckled and smiled. "Well, you're just a bigshot aren't you?"

Mordecai grinned. "Only the best."

They continued to walk down until there weren't any people walking by them anymore. Neither seemed to acknowledge it though.

"I still can't believe you're Mitch's mom, Em. I mean, you just look so young and...well..beautiful and all."

She chuckled. "Yeah, he didn't exactly get the looks, but hey, atleast he's got his muscles."

"Hm, I guess so." They stopped and sat on a bench. Their hands were close together, and they both noticed.

"So uh.." It was so awkward, not just for Mordecai, but for both of them. "I'm having a good time. Are you having a good time?"

"I sure am." She smiled.

He rubbed the back of his neck a bit. "Sorry I'm..you know, kinda acting weird. I'm not really that experienced in the dating department..and all."

"Really?" She grinned. "That's a shame, you look like a real catch."

Mordecai smiled. "Really? You think so?"

"Of course." She crossed her legs a bit. "You've been so sweet." She looked at him. "Plus, I'd bet all my money that all the girls that look at you just fall for your charm."

Mordecai sweetly grinned, getting closer. "Hm...that they do, Em-em, that they do."

Their faces were dangerously close to each other. They smiled at each other and closed their eyes, their lips getting closer and closer to each other by the minute.

She smiled. She was about to go in for the kiss. "You know who else fell for your charm?"

"Hmm~" He cooed. "Who?"

"**MY MOM!**"

"Wait what?" Mordecai realized that wasn't Em's voice and opened his eyes. "AHHHH!"

Muscle Man's head was poking out of what was Em's body. He proceeded to rip the "costume" off while he laughed. Mordecai looked supremely grossed out.

"Muscle Man? WHAT! UGH! What the-"

"Psh," Muscle Man grinned. "That's what you get for even **thinking **about hitting on my mom in the first place! It was the best prank EVER!"

"DUDE!" Mordecai glared at him. "What is WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Hey!" Muscle Man shrugged. "It's a pre-warning, Mordecai. Next time you even **think **about hitting on my mom..." He grinned. "You won't wanna kiss anyone...**ever never again**.."

Mordecai shook his head, looking like he was about to puke, thinking of all the disturbing images. He ran away faster than you could say 'My mom!'

Muscle Man simply guffawed. "GOTCHA DUDE!"

_Lol, you weren't expecting that ending, were you? ;)_

_Happy Halloween :)~~~~_


	19. DonXEileen

**~19th crack pairing: Don and Eileen~**

Mordecai and Rigby sat at their usual spots in the coffee shop, drinking their usual joes. Instead of having fun and doing things like everyone else does on Sundays, the pair just slumpe din their seats dreadfully.

"Man, I can't believe it's already Sunday." Mordecai said as he sipped some joe.

"Yeah," Rigby agreed. "But hey, atleast yesterday was fun, right?"

"Yeah, up until you got us chased out of the movie theater."

"Ah c'mon, dude! I thought a popcorn fight would be fun! Plus, the movie sucked anyway, it's not like anyone was enjoying it."

"Sounds fun." Eileen, being her natural peppy self, had listened to the last part while she came with a coffee pot. "You guys need refills?"

She filled them anyway without any answers. Rigby just pouted.

"Good job, Eileen. You interrupt me while I was about to finish my story, and now I can't even remember the rest of it!"

"I'm sorry, Rigby, I didn't know!"

Mordecai punched Rigby. "Dude, quit being a jerk."

"Hey, she was the jerk first!"

Eileen was in a tough spot she definately didn't wanna be in. "I-I'll just be in the kitchen, if you guys need me."

As she sulked off to the kitchen, Rigby somewhat glared at his best friend.

"Seriously, man, I hate when you side with her!"

"It's not about taking sides, it's about being nice and not just being a total d-bag!"

"Well, nice isn't my forte! Plus, niceness is for losers."

"Rigby! Gimme some sugar!"

They turned around to see that big ol' lovable raccoon, none other than Don.

Rigby simply layed his head on his sand, painfully groaning. "My Sunday is ruined!"

Mordecai waved him off. "Dude, quit being a 2 year old."

Don approached them and spread his arms, genuinely smiling. "It's been so long, guys! How are my favorite sugar cakes?"

Mordecai got up to hug the stronger man. "It's goin' good, Don. Nice to see you again."

After the exchange of sugar, Don approached Rigby. "Rigby, how's my big bro? Com'ere and gimme some of your cinnamon!"

"I don't feel like it right now, man!"

"Well, maybe later?"

"Agh!" Rigby was so annoyed. "Why'd you come here anyway? Did you want something? How'd you find us?"

Don was a bit taken aback. "Well, I just wanted to visit you guys! Plus, I figured you'd be here!"

"But you-you don't even-how'd you-"

"I just know, Rigbone!"

"No way! Mom told you where we hang out, didn't she?"

Don smiled big and shrugged a bit. "Yeah, she did."

"Ugh, that traitor! Now I won't have any privacy EVER!" With that, he laid his head down.

Mordecai noticed the younger brother's sad eyes. "Sorry, Don. He's not a sugar fan, as you know."

Don nodded. "All too well."

"Did someone need sugar?" Eileen said as she brought out a container of sugar packets, still keeping the smile on her face. She saw the stronger gentleman.

"Oh, hi there, did you need a menu?"

"Oh no, it's fine, miss. I just came by to see my bro and his best friend."

Eileen then took notice that the man was a raccoon...just like Rigby!

"Wow, Rigby's your brother? You guys do look alike." She blushed a bit.

Rigby shot a glare at her. "We are NOT alike! We're just blood related, that's it!"

Mordecai punched his friend again. "Rigby, be cool!"

"I can't believe you all turned against me!" Rigby stood up. "You know what? I'm gonna go hit the arcade, later, TRAITORS!"

Mordecai shook his head, looking at the two. "I swear I need to put a leash on him. You're not too upset, right Don?"

"Ah Mordo, don't worry about me. I'm used to it." Then he glanced at the much smaller girl. "But I will take a coffee, if that's okay? Miss.."

"Eileen."

She pulled her in for a hug. "I'm Don, nice to meet you, Eileen."

She blushed, hugging him back. "Um uh, nice to meet you too, Don, heh."

Mordecai smiled a bit as he watched her face turn as red as a tomato.

As he let her down gently, her face was still flushed in burning red. "I-I'll get you that coffee right away. I'll-I'll make it special too...just for you!"

Don watched her walked away, and sat down next to Mordecai, sighing.

"She's sweet, isn't she Mordo?"

Mordecai grinned. "Yeah, she might get you a 'special' coffee if you know what I mean." Mordecai nudged him a bit.

It took Don a bit, but after a few seconds, he finally understood. "Ah, you sly dog you!"

"You were thinking it, man, you know it."

"She seems more than that, Mordecai. She...seems really nice. She's quite quirky too."

Mordecai smiled a bit. _Love happens way too quick.._

"Here you go, Don." She had made the coffee special. "It's got whipped cream and I drew a smiley with chocolate syrup."

Even though that was obvious, Don found it sweet she'd point it out. "Oh Eileen, it looks wonderful!" He took a sip. "I should come back here more often."

"Well you don't live too far away, right?"

"A little bit far away, but I'll squeeze in time to come here since this coffee is just scrumptious!"

"Uh guys," Mordecai stopped them, coming up with an idea. "Why don't you guys..you know, hang out or something? It's a nice day out."

Eileen twiddled. "I wish I could but-"

"I could cover your shift if you want. I mean, Don's gotta work tomorrow and since he's around...maybe you guys could, you know, get to know each other more while you still can."

"Wow, Mordo, you would do that for me?"

"Yeah, it's no problem."

"Yay!" Both Don and Eileen cheered. They each hugged him at the same time.

"Thanks, Mord, I definately owe ya one! Lemme go clean myself up!"

As Don walked to the bathroom, Eileen could never thank Mordecai enough as she gave him a uniform to wear.

"Oh my gosh, Mordecai, you're so sweet for doing this! You know what to do, right?"

"Yeah, take orders and serve orders, got it."

Don came out of the bathroom and waved Eileen over as he walked to the exit.

She excitedly followed him. Mordecai smiled as he watched them walk out together.

_If Rigby was nicer, he'd get the fuzzy feeling I'm feeling right now. Oh well, his loss._

The two walked along the sidewalk, looking around them.

Don broke the silence. "What do you like to do for fun?"

"I like watching ducks communicate with each other. It's such a nice sight."

Don smiled. "That does sound fun! I'd never thought of it!"

The two walked through some grass to see the lake right ahead of them. They went to sit close to the lake, and sure enough, there were some ducks splashing around in the water, quacking happily.

"It's their way of beating the heat together. Did you know they prefer to sleep in the water so they can avoid predators?"

Don chuckled. "I didn't know that at all! But hey, I'm just an accountant, so I guess I'm pretty one-track minded."

"Aw don't say that. You're very smart!"

"Thank you, but...I'm only smart when it comes to the certain things I do. If someone were to ask me something completely random, I could never answer it!"

"There's nothing wrong with that at all." She rested her hand on top of his, which made them both blush a bit. "We're all different, Don. I only know so much trivia because my Christmas gifts always consisted of world record books."

"World record books? I just had a nostalgic kick! I always liked looking at those when I was younger!"

"Me too! I have all of them memorized in my brain."

Don smiled big. "You color me impressed. I know! I'll ask you some questions, and I'll see if you get the answers!"

"Bring it on, Donnie, I can handle it." She felt happy when she joked around with him.

Don grinned playfully. " We'll see about that, umm..well, I'll think of a nickname sooner or later!" He thought of a question for a second. "What's the longest cucumber?"

"47 inches."

"Hmm, how about the largest whoopie cushion?"

"10 feet in diameter."

Don had his mouth agape. "Y-you, well, how bout-"

"86 decibals, 455, 10 feet, and $2500 is the most expensive pizza currently." She grinned and crossed her arms in triumph.

Don simply took her hands, smiling bigger than he ever has before. "You...are one heck of a woman! You read my mind!"

She chuckled, blushing. "It's weird, I know."

"Weird? Never! I mean, sure, not everyone knows all the world's records but my gosh, Eileen! You have quite a talent there!"

She blushed even more. "I'm so glad you think so."

Don still continued to hold her hands. They looked out to see that the ducks were still playing as the sun was beginning to set.

She was a bit sad as she watched the sun set. "Aw no, I can't believe the day's almost over. I've been having so much fun."

"Now now," He put his hand gently on her cheek. "It's not the end of the world, we can always find ways to see each other! Plus, the sunset isn't just beautiful to look at, it also means that a good day must end on a good note, right?"

"Oh, like the saying 'All good things must come to an end'?"

"That's most definately right, Ellie."

They both blushed at the nickname, but they smiled. They'd finally found each others' nicknames, Donnie and Ellie.

_It clicks well.._

They got up out of the grass.

"Well, Ell, I don't go to bed early, do you?"

"Of course not, I'm a night owl kinda girl."

He smiled and took her hand. "Then let's milk the rest of the day while we still can!"

As they walked hand in hand, Eileen wondered something.

"Rigby won't mind, will he? I don't wanna make him mad or anything."

He snuggled her close as they walked. "Aw nonsense! He's not that overprotective at all."

She smiled, cuddling into Don's fur.

"Besides," He added. "With things this way, we wouldn't be bugging him as much."


	20. MordecaiXHigh Five Ghost

_Yay for the 20th chappie! Here's to much more crack *cheers* Enjoy :)_

**~20th crack pairing: Mordecai and High Five Ghost~**

Muscle Man and HFG had just finished taking the trash out using the cart, so now they were joyriding back towards the house.

"I think we did everything. Did we do everything?" Muscle Man asked.

HFG looked at the list and smiled. "Uh huh."

"Oh yeah! Time for me to get relaxing!" Then he slows down a bit as he sees Mordecai ahead, gently raking leaves. "But not 'til I do this!"

Muscle Man pulled up next to the tall bird, grinning at him.

"Hey grandma, why isn't Rigby helping you with your dentures?" He chuckled a bit, HFG smiled as usual.

Mordecai glared at the green man. "He's sick with the flu. What's your problem?"

"Awww, he misses Rigby! You know who else misses Rigby? No one but Mor-bleh-cai!" He laughed so hard he started banging the steering wheel. HFG had a slight smile.

Mordecai had an uneasy glare on his face. "You guys are jerks."

"I didn't say anything." HFG spoke up.

"Well, why haven't you? Go on Fives, make him cry like a little girl!"

HFG looked away. Muscle Man was usually the one who would make the jokes, HFG was just the one laughing along. It's a similar situation to a comedian and his entourage.

Muscle Man nudged his friend. "C'mon, man, make him feel like a wussy!"

"Maybe he doesn't want to." Mordecai said with anger. "Some friend you are, thinking he'll be just like you, ordering him around and all."

"Hey bro," Muscle Man got close to Mordecai's face. "Just cuz you don't have your best friend right now doesn't mean you can tell me how to act, right Fives?"

Fives shrugged.

"What's that for?"

"Well," Fives started. "You were being kinda harsh."

"Say what?"

"Well, I mean, his best friend's sick, and we're just tearing him down without him being defensive. Plus, two against one isn't even fair."

Muscle Man crossed his arms. "What's your point?"

HFG flew out of the cart. "My point is that I don't wanna hang out with you right now."

Muscle Man watched as his best friend flew next to Mordecai and scoffed. "Fine, but don't cry to me when his loser-ness rubs off on you!" With that, Muscle Man drove off.

"Wow," Mordecai smiled at Fives. "That was pretty brave. I'm surprised he didn't punch you."

HFG smiled back. "Heh, he'll probably get me back later."

"Well, I can't thank you enough for doing that, Fives." He high-fived him.

"No problem. Hey, wanna hang out or something?"

Mordecai dropped the rake. "Sure, I don't have anything better to do anyway."

They walked on the sidewalk, enjoying the quiet afternoon. Mordecai glanced around randomly.

"Hey, Fives?"

"Yeah?"

"...How are you and Muscle Man friends in the first place?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's kindof a jerk most of the time, plus...the whole shirtless thing..."

They chuckled and HFG nodded. "Yeah, I kinda got used to it, I guess."

"I know, but..I mean, you're like the definition of 'cool' compared to him."

"Well, opposites attract right?"

This made Mordecai think of him and Rigby. "Yeah, I guess I never thought of it that way."

"It's the same way with you and Rigby. You're an awesomely awesome guy and Rigby is...well, you know.."

Mordecai chuckled. "Totally the opposite of me."

"Got that right." They were near the snack bar. HFG floated in and grabbed two cold sodas. He came out and threw one to Mordecai.

"Aw yea-uh, a cold one in the hot sun!"

HFG lifted his can and shook it. "We should make a toast."

Mordecai smiled. "Good idea, man!"

They both lifted their cans.

"Here's to dealin' with our bros' shenanigans while still staying cool."

"Cheers!" They both said in harmony as they clinged their cans together and sipped down their sodas.

Later on, they were randomly laying down in the grass, watching the sky.

Mordecai spoke up, pointing to a cloud. "Dude, look at that cloud right there."

"The one with the puffiness sticking out?"

"Yeah. It looks like Mr. Maellard if he raided a Radi-Cola factory."

HFG chuckled at that. "It also looks like Muscle Man if he was wearing a dress."

Mordecai chuckled, then remembered what happened earlier. "Ah man, I can't believe he hasn't even attempted to look for you."

"Doesn't surprise me." HFG said blandly. "If he gets mad at me or doesn't wanna be around me, he usually just goes off to some party with random dudes from his old gym class."

"Ah, that's lame."

"Yeah," HFG nodded. "He usually stays out all night sometimes. Next morning he's got like 10 ice packs on his head."

"That's so messed up!"

"What, the hard partying?"

"No no, the fact he doesn't even tell you where he's going! He just leaves you stranded!"

HFG shrugged. "I can't tell him what to do, I'm not his mom."

Mordecai nodded. "Yeah, but I mean that he leaves you here at this boring ol' park instead of inviting you along to party! Plus the fact that he doesn't even bother to talk with you, his best bro, to try to resolve the fight." Mordecai crossed his arms and glared. Even though Rigby was usually a nuisance, he'd never ditch him!

Mordecai decided to have a final assumption that Muscle Man doesn't know the meaning of bro-ships. "He's just a total jerkbag, man, no offense."

HFG nudged Mordecai's shoulder a bit, smiling. "Hey, opps attract, remember?"

Mordecai sighed. "Yeah." They looked up at the sky again, then Mordecai came up with an idea. "You know, if Muscle Man ditches you or whatever, you can always hang out with me and Rigby. We do some pretty wicked cool stuff too."

HFG perked up. "Really, Mordecai?"

"Yeah, we have our own cool club with jackets and all that." Mordecai loved adding humour to uplifting conversations. "You can be a part-time member."

"That sounds awesome, man! Count me in!"

"It's a deal then, bro." They hi-fived again, walking off together.

"How bout tonight we go get some tacos and prank Rigby?"

"Yeah," HFG smiled. "My apparition skills'll scare the flu outta him!"

"Well, don't scare it out of him just yet," Mordecai said, smiling and looking at HFG. "I wanna spend more time with my other bro."

HFG couldn't help but blushly smile. _Mordecai appreciates me more than Muscle Man does in a whole six month period. 'Loser-ness' has never felt this awesome and bro-mazing.._


	21. MordecaiXStarla

**~21st crack pairing: Starla and Mordecai~**

The Doo Wop Bop Diner wasn't an ordinary place. You could chill out here, come here with your friends, and..you could even go on special dates without paying so much for a fancy dinner and still get quality food.

This is exactly what Starla and Muscle Man planned to do tonight.

Muscle Man waited at his table for her. She was in the bathroom changing into special evening wear.

"Can I get you a drink, sir?" The waiter asked.

"Just two root beers on the rocks." After the waiter left, he opened his menu and focused himself on the menu.

Meanwhile, Starla was finishing up her hair in one of those bathroom stalls that had a sink in them. Instead of her normal pigtails, she wore her hair down. She wore a blue dress that somewhat hugged her body a bit, some white heels, and of course, she wore makeup that brought out her face, enhancing her appearance.

But it still didn't help 100%. When it came to looking good on a date, she always felt self-conscious about herself, even though her and Muscle Man have been going out for a while. That and she didn't like the other girls looking at her.

"It's such a cool night tonight!"

_Speaking of other girls.._

Starla was about to come out of the stall when she peeked out the crack. There was a medium sized blonde and a thin red robin checking themselves in the mirror, chatting amongst themselves.

Starla glared at them as she peeked through. _Stupid skinny girls. I bet they came to barf in the toilets too.._

"So, you think he's the one?" The blonde asked.

"I don't know, I hope so." The red robin in fit jeans and pink tank top added. "He's a really cute and sweet guy and I've known him for quite a while."

"Oh, is he one of those guys in your friend zone?"

The robin chuckled. "Yeah, it's been like that for a little while. I'm gonna tell him how I feel tonight! Wish me luck?"

"I totally will!" They both walked out, happily chattering among themselves once again.

"Ugh, finally!" Starla groaned to herself as she slowly walked out of the bathroom stall. As she looked at the other mirrors one last time, she finally felt good.

_He'll totally think I look good, he will! I'll look like his dream girl!_

Meanwhile, Mordecai sat in the same restaurant, glancing around nervously. He had a 'date' with Margaret, who would be here any minute. Well, he asked if she wanted to grab a bite, so that still implies that it's a 'date' date, right?

He started to sweat a bit. _Ah man, I hope she comes. Maybe she got stuck in traffic? Maybe she figured out it was an actual date and she got grossed out. Or she found another guy to be wit-_

"Hey Mordecai, sorry I'm late."

Mordecai jumped out of his thoughts to see the girl of his dreams sit down across from him.

"Hey Margaret! Uhh, it's okay, just glad you came!" He looked at how nice she looked. "Oh, you look good! Did you get a haircut?" He mentally facepalmed himself.

She chuckled a bit. "No, I was just fixing myself up in the bathroom. It's kinda why I took so long."

"Hey, no no it's fine just uh, glad you're here!"

A waiter approached them. "Can I get you guys some drinks?"

"Water for me." Mordecai said. "Margaret?"

"Just an unsweetened iced tea."

"Okay, I'll be right back guys." The waiter said as he walked away.

Mordecai glanced around nervously, hating the sudden silence.

_C'mon, man, just tell her already!_

"Uh, Margaret?"

"Yeah, Mordecai?"

"I was uh, wondering if you uh..wanted uh..help..picking what you wanna eat?"

Margaret looked at him uneasily. "Uh no, that's okay. Thank you for asking though."

As she looked down at the menu, Mordecai fought the urge to slam his head into the table.

_Man, I'm such a loser.._

Meanwhile, Starla finally got to her table, wanting to surprise her man, who still focused on the menu like a hawk.

"Hey, lumpkin!" She said, somewhat sensually.

As Muscle Man looked up, his eyes bugged.

"Hey, baby! Uh, that's a cool dress thing."

She blushed. "Thanks! I knew you'd like it!"

As she sat down, he couldn't help but hear a weird squishy noise.

_Where'd she get that dress, a baby store?_

"I spent a long time dressing myself up. I look good, right Mitch?"

"Uh yeah, you look wicked cool!" _So does that arm fat hanging out of the sleeves.._

"Yay!"

"What do you guys wanna eat?" The waiter said as he came back with the root beers.

Muscle Man closed the menus. "I'll have the triple decker burger with extra onions and bacon, and tons of chili on the fries."

"For you, m'am?"

"She'll have a greek salad, hold the dressing." Muscle Man spoke up.

"Huh? I don't want that!"

"Why not? It's good, Starla, trust me!" _Any more fatty stuff and that dress is gonna explode! _

"I don't want it, pumpkin, sorry. I'll have the chicken pot pie with extra gravy and extra butter, with a side of mashed cottage cheese!"

"Alright, sounds good! I'll put them in right away."

Starla glared at her man as the waiter walked off.

He saw her and shrugged. "What?"

"Why did you try ordering for me?"

"I don't know! I just thought you wanted a salad or something!"

"But baby! You know I hate salad! Plus, the pot pie is the best thing here!"

"Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a bunch!" He layed his head on his hand as the date turned awkward...and tense.

_Can't hurt a dude for trying.._

"Really? That's pretty cool." Margaret said as she sipped her tea.

"Yeah! I mean, it's my highest score on that game. Well, anything higher than 50 points is better than Rigby's scores in general."

"Well, you guys are both better than me."

"Nah, you gotta be better than Rigby!"

"Not really. I never really play video games much these days."

"Oh, that sucks."

"I guess it's because I'm so lost in my job and school and everything. I never have time for anything anymore."

"I get what you mean. But atleast you had time to come here, right?"

"Yeah, I'm glad I came! You're totally awesome to be with."

Mordecai bugged his eyes and smiled, sweating. "S-same to you!" _Holy crap, now's the time, man, tell her! She totally likes you! Don't just sit there like an idiot, TELL HER!_

"Uh Margaret, I gotta tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"I uh, I really like uhh...like like..you know, uhh..."

"Hey Maggie."

They both looked up to see a man with long, blonde hair and casual clothing.

"Oh, hey Michael! Glad you came!"

Mordecai just looked at the guy, upset to the highest degree.

"Oh, Mordecai, meet my good friend Michael. Michael, that's my friend, Mordecai."

"Hey, bro." He nodded to him.

Mordecai waved back. "Hey."

"So, you wanted to hang, right?"

"Yeah, I gotta talk to you!" She waved to Mordecai. "I'll see you later, Mordecai, I gotta run!"

"W-wait!" Mordecai called to them before they walked off. "What about your food?"

"Just tell 'em to cancel the order! Oh." She came back and gave Mordecai a few bills. "Here's money for the tea. Have a good night!"

Mordecai watched them leave. "Y-you too.."

Meanwhile, Starla stared bug-eyed at Muscle Man, graving falling from her lips. Her looks looked ready to kill.

"I didn't know any other way to say it, Starla."

"So, I'm fat? Is that what you mean?"

"I didn't mean it I-"

"That's what you meant! You want some ugly skinny girl that'll break in half!"

"Look baby, I-"

"And you can't even look in the mirror! You're just as fat as me and-"

"Starla, listen!" He yelled. "I didn't call you anything! All I said was the dress is too tight on you, okay? You can't fit into those types of things!"

She cried, all the makeup smearing on her face.

"I'm so sorry, I can-"

"Just leave me alone!"

"You know what? Fine! I'm gonna go hang with my bros! When you stop acting like a little girl, come find me!" With that, Muscle Man got up from the table and walked out, leaving Starla to cry, all alone.

Mordecai decided to cancel his order and leave as well. What was the point of eating alone, no one sitting with you but your own loneliness?

As he was about to walk out, he saw a girl crying into the table, all alone. Curiousity got the best of him as he walked over to her.

"Uh, miss? Are you okay?"

She picked her head up and looked to where the voice came from.

Mordecai flinched when he saw who it was. "Oh, hey! What's up?"

She tried to wipe the tears and makeup from her face. "What do you want?"

"Uhh, well, I was about to leave, but I saw you crying. And, you know, I guess I got curious."

She crossed her arms and looked in the other direction. "Nothing's wrong, you can go with your friends now."

"I've got time." He said as he sat down in a chair. "I can be your therapist if you want."

Usually, Mordecai would avoid Starla, being that she's so weird and...scary. But he'd never saw her cry before, and he couldn't help but feel sympathy for her.

She wiped more tears from her face and sighed. "Mitch called me fat and said this dress looked bad on me."

Mordecai glanced away a little bit. _He's right about the dress. I mean, she looks like she's putting ten pounds of flour into a grocery bag, no offense to her._

He had to lie. "Aw what? That's pretty rude of him. I mean, no offense, but Muscle Man has no room to talk, you know?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "He tried to make me order a salad. Like he can control what I eat, ha!"

"Any dude that tries that with a girl is a loser, that's for sure." _Then again, I'm not the best expert when it comes to dating advice.._

Starla smiled. "You're really nice! I feel bad that I freaked you out that one time."

He shrugged and smiled. "Hey, water under the bridge." He felt a lot safer near her this time around.

"You made me feel better though. Wanna share some nachos with me?"

"Sure!"

"Cool! And I can be your therapist too! Well, if you need it."

"That'd be pretty cool. I need one right about now."

"Did you guys need anything?" The waiter asked them.

"A super-size order of nachos!" Starla replied.

"With tons of chili, cheese and awesomeness!" Mordecai said with eagerness.

"Not a problem, guys. I'll have it out soon." He wrote it down and walked away.

She smiled. "Thanks for letting me order on my own!" She said, half-joking.

"No worries!"

"So, you wanted a therapist right? I'm all ears!"

"Yeah! You might wanna get comfy."

And she did just that. Mordecai began to vent, yet he continued to wonder how she was comfortable in that tight dress.

_I guess I'll never really understand girls..._


	22. MordecaiXDougXRigby

_A/N: I'm glad you guys are enjoying these, and you'll be happy to know that they go on 'til question marks, since the number of pairings are endless, especially as the series goes on._

_Also, just to clear things up, I'm only doing crack pairings for canon characters only. I'm not using OC's or characters from other shows just to make it all fair for everyone. _

_Anyway, I decided to try something just once, a triangle crack pairing! Ridiculous, I know, but maybe it won't be so bad ;)_

**~22nd crack pairing: Mordecai, Rigby and Doug~**

Mordecai and Rigby were walking up the steps that lead to the city prison.

"**This **is a new low," Rigby angrily said, pouting the whole way up. "Community service is lame as it is, but going to a stupid prison to do unpaid labor is way off the scale!"

"Dude, relax. We only gotta do 48 hours, then we never have to come back here again, well, atleast I won't."

Rigby stopped when they were in front of the wide, scary building. He glared at his taller friend.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means if you keep mooning old ladies and scaring them half to death, you'll probably get way worse than a day of prison work."

"Whatever, man, you enjoyed watching them lose their dentures!"

"Not enough to get a prison sentence!"

"HEY DINK WINKS! GET IN HERE!" A tall, older man from inside yelled. The two quit bickering and quickly entered.

They went up to the desk where the man was filling some paperwork out. They saw his nameplate, Sargeant Pepperspray. He looked up at them.

"So, you must be those two turds that went around showin' your hidden goods to senior citizens."

The man's voice was just as scary as his overbearing physique.

"Y-yes s-sir.." They both stammered.

"I KNEW IT WAS YOU TWO!" He yelled as he got up in their faces, causing the duo to shake. "You two caused my dear sweet mother to go into shock!" He was actually shedding a few tears that complemented the anger well.

"W-w-we didn't mean it, man!"

"Yeah!" Mordecai added. "We weren't trying to hurt anyone, we were just having some fun-"

"Fun? FUN?" He seethed before glancing back down to his paperwork. "Oh, I'll show you fun. You two drainheads are gonna learn what REAL fun is like!"

Rigby smiled nervously. "Uhh, we're going bowling?"

The two now donned orange jumpsuits and were standing beside some cells that were full of inmates minding their own business .

"Uh, why are we wearing these?" Mordecai questioned.

"This stupid thing's making me itch!" Rigby added, scratching himself.

"You two bozos are in luck. Instead of the same ol' boring stuff delinquents like you two do for community service, you get to spend the next 48 hours...**living like prison inmates**."

"WHAT?" They both cried out.

"But we didn't even commit a crime!" Mordecai said.

"Actually, bird-brain, indecent exposure **is **a crime. In fact, you should be lucky I wasn't the judge, or you would've gotten a life sentence, now LISTEN UP!"

"Yes sir!" They both saluted.

"Common prison rules apply to you worms, so while you guys are locked up, you can read these." He shoved two rule books at the duo, then he proceeded to unlock the cell.

"In the meantime, you two and your cellmate can buddy up until dinner time."

"Cellmate?" They both said.

"I'm back, Peps."

The familiar voice caused the duo to look to where the voice came from. There was a guard holding onto his arm..a very muscular, furry arm...

"DOUG?"

"Schiblowsky!" Pepperspray greeted. "Hey, did you finish up your cardio?"

"Yeah," Doug said with suave in his voice. "But the weights are more my thing, you know?"

"No kiddin'!"

The duo agreed as they glanced at his muscular physique. He certainly had changed appearance-wise since they last saw him. He looked almost as strong as Pepperspray.

"Anyway, you got company." He said as he shoved the two into the cell.

Doug walked into the cell, instantly remembering them. "Alright, thanks."

"No problem." He said, locking up the cell. "Go easy on 'em, okay? They're only temporary."

As he walked away whistling, Doug went to get a towel to wipe his face off.

"Dude, you're ripped." Rigby finally said.

Doug looked back and grinned. "Oh, thanks. I've had tons of time to build up, you know?" He went to stand in front of the duo again. "So, what's your story?"

Mordecai couldn't stop staring at Doug's pecs for some reason.

_Man, it's like he swallowed a wrestler.._

"We were mooning old ladies." Rigby said triumphantly.

Doug chuckled a bit. "I see you guys finally found your bad sides."

"Yeah," Mordecai said, grinning. "We're just cool like that."

The three shared a couple chuckles.

"Anyway," Doug started. "Make yourselves at home."

The duo looked around the small cell. It had a toilet, sink, and a bunk bed.

"Uh, I think we need another bed." Rigby pointed out.

"What?"

"There's only two beds, dude."

Doug laughed. "Look, fellas, this is prison, alright? You get what you get, no questions asked."

"So where is the person without a bed supposed to sleep?" Mordecai asked.

Night had fallen, and they all had settled the bunking situation.

"Dude, not cool," Mordecai said as he was next to Doug on the bottom bunk. "You never beat me at rock paper scissors!"

"Well, this time I did! OOOH!" Rigby happily cried as he looked down at them. "Sweet dreams, lover dudes!" He chuckled a bit until he finally went to sleep.

However, Mordecai just lay awake. "Dude, this is.."

"What?" Doug replied.

"Nothing, just awkward, I guess."

Doug nodded. "Yeah, I know, but prison is different from the outside world. You gotta be sure of your personal preferences in here or you'll get torn apart."

"What do you mean?"

Doug rolled his eyes. "Nevermind. I'll be right next to you if you need me, night."

"Night."

Mordecai tried to sleep, but he just felt so..cold. There were no blankets either, just one cold pillow to sleep on.

_Prison sucks._

Then Mordecai started to stare at Doug's muscles again.

_I wonder if his muscles have some warmth.._

"Uh, Doug?"

"Hm?"

"I know this is totally disgusting and all, but I'm really cold, can you just like, you know.."

Doug hugged his body, already knowing what he was gonna say. "No problem, Mordo. Be sure of yourself while you're in here, okay?"

Mordecai nodded, smiling peacefully as his eyes started to droop.

"Feeling better, right?"

"Totally, dude. Thanks so much."

"Anytime."

They both soon fell asleep, staying hugged together on each others' chests.

A couple hours later, Rigby got up to use the toilet and sink. When he started walking back to his bed, he noticed the two of them sleeping on each other peacefully.

_Hm! Hm! They're probably gonna be boyfriend and boyfriend now! Hahaha-_

Then he really began to notice Doug's muscular arms, and the way they held onto Mordecai, keeping him oh-so warm..

_Well wait a minute, what the 'H'! I was the one that hired that weasel, and now he's smooching all over my friend now? Maybe I wanted a talking blanket!_

Rigby pouted as he climbed up onto the cold bed and lay on his pillow of ice.

_I wish we had played Punchies instead.._

"**GET UP LADIES! THIS IS YOUR 5 AM WAKE UP CALL!**"

"AHHH!" Rigby cried as he fell off of his bed onto his face. The guard's voice in the P.A. was loud enough to start two earthquakes.

Luckily, Doug was there to lift him up.

"Hope your mouth's still intact, we got some breakfast to chomp."

"C'mon, let's go let's go!" The guard yelled to them as he opened their cell.

Doug looked back at the two of them. "Hey I'll save you two some seats, I gotta get food in me quick."

While Mordecai and Rigby walked to the mess hall, Rigby broke the silence.

"So, did you sleep well last night?"

"Uh yeah, dude, you?"

"Of course I did! I was totally comfortable freezing myself to death while you were cuddlin' with muscle boy!"

"Dude, he wanted to sleep on the bottom, and plus, I thought you wanted your own bed to begin with?"

Rigby crossed his arms while they waited in the long line for food. "Yeah, but when they didn't turn the cold off, I didn't want it anymore!"

"Hm, hm." Mordecai smirked. "I guess we shoulda played Punchies for the bed, huh?"

Rigby smiled, remembering last night. "Yeah. We can play it tonight and maybe I'll win this time around!"

They were at the front now. They grabbed trays and let the ladies drop unknown solids onto their plates.

"Dude, first of all, even a baby could beat you at Punchies, and second, even if you wanted to lose, I'd rather hug a dude's muscles for warmth than freeze to death."

"Well, newsflash," Rigby glared at Mordecai. "I FROZE to death last night, so now YOU can freeze to death tonight!"

"No way! That's now how it works! You wanted your own bed, you can have it!"

"No! It's called sharing, man, punchies or no punchies!"

A guard shoved them. "Take your food and sit down, losers!"

They looked around for Doug. They saw him wave at a table.

Rigby raised his tail in excitement, and started running to his table. "Hey, Douggie! I'm right here!"

Mordecai sighed, walking over. "Kiss-up.."

They both sat on both sides of Doug, smiling at him.

Doug simply raised his brows. "Uhh, weird spots, guys."

"Not weird, bro," Rigby said, putting an arm on his strong shoulder. "I just wanted to sit next to you."

"I did too." Mordecai spoke up. "I'm just glad you kept me warm last night, and I wanted to show thanks, you know?"

"Yeah," Rigby spoke up. "He told me in the line that he wanted his own bed tonight, I told him he could have mine so we could be bed buddies! Cool, right?" Rigby nudged him while saying this.

"I didn't say that!"

"Yeah you did, man, you told me in the line!"

"Doug, don't listen to him, he's a liar."

"No I'm not, you're just being selfish, you warmth stealer!"

"I didn't steal anything, you're just jealous, you baby!"

Rigby banged on the table and growled. "I'm not a baby, you are!"

"You are!"

"You are!"

"YOU ARE!"

"Guys, guys!" Doug stopped them, pushing them away from each other before they would start a big enough fight to where the guards would get them into bigger trouble.

"Now what are you two going all girly about?"

They both glanced around a bit. How were they supposed to word it? 'We were just fighting over your muscles because we both wanna be hugged against them at night'?

Mordecai finally spoke up. "Rigby's mad because we shared a bed last night."

Doug glanced at him. "But Rigby, didn't you want your own bed?"

"I did! But then I learned I wouldn't get a blanket or anything, so I was freezing! Then you two were keeping each other warm and I was freezing to death and-"

"C'mon, I'm gettin' old here." Doug joked.

Rigby sighed. "I wanted your warmth, okay?"

"Yeah," Mordecai added. "I slept a lot better last night because you were keeping me warm the whole night by hugging me."

Doug chuckled a bit and grinned. "You guys love my muscles, don't ya?"

"Now that you mention it, I totally do, dude!" Mordecai said, feeling his arms.

"I love 'em more, Doug! I wanna sleep against them tonight!" Rigby said, trying to push Mordecai away.

"No, Doug, don't, he's a total jerk!"

"Shutup, you are!"

"You are!"

"Alright, girls!" Doug said firmly, pushing them to sit back down. "I got it all planned out."

"Really?" They both said.

"Yeah, I know of a way all three of us can sleep happily tonight."

That night, they had taken the top bunk down and placed it next to the bottom bunk, so it looked like a double bed. There was just enough room for all three of them.

Doug was in the middle, while Mordecai and Rigby cuddled up on both sides of him. Doug also had both arms wrapped around the two as well.

"You guys feeling warm yet?"

"Totally, dude!" Rigby said, feeling the warmth from his furry muscle.

"Yeah, I'm feeling good too." Mordecai said sleepily.

"Alright guys, night."

"Night." They said in unison.

The next day, the three were making paper airplanes out of paper they'd gotten at lunch.

"Alright, let's see your airplanes, gentlemen."

They all held their planes up, Mordecai's being the best, while Rigby's looked like a disfigured shape.

"You beat me at everything AND making paper airplanes?"

Mordecai grinned. "Hm, hm. You answered your own question, bro."

"Agh, man, this thing sucks!" Rigby threw the airplane and it flew into Sargeant Pepperspray's hand. He looked at it and finally smashed it.

All three greeted the guard. "Hey, Pepperspray."

"Hey boys. I got good news and bad news for the two of you," He said, pointing at Mordecai and Rigby. "You guys are free to go. I sent a letter to your judge saying you both completed your 48 hours of community service."

"Yeauh!" They both cheered.

"But, here's the bad news..if you two cause my dear sweet mother to go into shock again, I'll LOCK YOU UP FOREVER!" He unlocked the cell and they both came out, and locked it again. "Is that clear?"

"Yes sir!" They saluted.

"Alright, you boys have a good day."

As he walked away, Doug walked up to them, the cell wall between them.

"You guys are finally free, congrats."

"Thanks!" They both said.

"Dude, you're so much awesomer than I thought you were!" Rigby said, high-fiving him.

"Yeah, I get that some times."

"And uhh, thanks for the...you know.." Mordecai hinted.

Doug nodded to them both. "You're welcome, guys, just glad you two didn't freeze to death."

"Maybe we can visit you sometimes!" Mordecai added.

"Yeah! We'll bring cards or something!"

Doug genuinely smiled. "T-that'd be nice, guys."

They both said their goodbyes to Doug and exited the prison doors.

The walk back to the park was nothing but awkward.

"Let's not tell anyone what happened in there, okay?" Mordecai said.

Rigby promised. "Yeah, what happens in prison stays in prison."


	23. MaellardXBenson

**~23rd crack pairing: Benson and Mr. Maellard~**

Benson and Skips sat across from Mr. Maellard's desk, sitting in upright, professional positions while the old lollipop man browsed through the park records, reports and bank statements. As always, his face showed no emotion.

Skips randomly cleared his throat. Finally, Benson decided to speak up.

"Are those all the papers you needed, Mr. Maellard, sir?"

He finally looked up. "Yes, yes, I have everything I need." He looked back down at his papers.

Benson and Skips glanced at each other. Maellard was rarely in a 'content' mood. He's usually nasty and overbearing while he complained about everything, but this time...he was quite pleasant.

It scared the two workers. Plus, the old fool had been staring at those papers mindlessly for thirty minutes when it usually only takes him about fifteen at the most.

"I-Is something wrong, sir-"

"No, there's nothing wrong, Beanie!" He said as he let down the papers. "Everything's in tip top shape!"

"...really?"

"Yes, really."

"But last week, I wrote down on my report that those slackers messed up the sprinklers again, and I figured-"

"Nonsense, everything is fine, end of subject!"

Benson raised an eyebrow with confusion. "Uh okay, well, did you need anything else before you go?"

Maellard formed a tiny smile. "Yes, indeed I do. And it requires your help."

"Of course, sir, anything!"

He smiled. "...Be my maid."

Benson nearly fell off his chair. "What?"

"You heard me, Ben. You see, I had to fire my original one because she tried to sneak her little boytoys in while I was out. You won't do things like that, will you, Beanbag?"

Benson blushed a bit. "Uhh..no."

"Good. You'll be my temporary cleaner boy until I can find a permanent one I can trust. And you," He said, pointing to Skips. "You'll take over Ben's duties here at the park while he's gone."

Skips nodded.

Benson couldn't believe what was happening. "Sir, I-I don't know if-"

"It's settled. You start on Monday, be at my estate at 8 a.m. sharp. Oh, and you'll need this." He tossed a skimpy french maid outfit to Benson, who looked at it with petrified eyes.

"Look, Mr. Maellard, I don't-"

"Go on now, you two, get back to work! Meeting adjourned!"

Benson and Skips exited his office and closed the door.

Benson glanced at the outfit, then at Skips.

"Please don't tell anyone about this."

Skips nodded. "My lips are sealed."

The following Monday morning, Benson walked up the steps to Maellard's estate. It had atleast three floors and was flawless on the outside.

All Benson could think about was how he felt like a peasant compared to his own boss, and the fact that he was temporarily demoted.

_Just when I thought my job couldn't get any worse, THIS happens! I'd rather be locked in a room with those two idiots than be considered a 'maid'! Ugh, I hate him, I HATE HIM!_

Benson ringed the fancy doorbell at the front door, forcing a gentle smile onto his face.

Finally, Maellard came to the door, wearing his usual attire. "Ah, Beancan, you look rather astonishing."

Benson smiled. "Oh uh, thanks, sir."

As they walked in, Benson was about to observe his rich surroundings, but it seems Maellard already had duties for him.

"Make sure everything is clean, from the foyer to the living room to the balconies to the bathrooms to the kitchen to the dining area, pool, library, make sure you don't forget my six bathrooms and poker room on the second and third floors, and of course, my five bedrooms need a sprucing up as well."

"No problem, sir."

"Oh, and one more thing, the only room you are forbidden to enter is the one with the tie-dye colored door."

"Okay. May I ask why?"

Maellard shrugged. "I just don't want you going in there, Benjie, that's an order. Now, get started." He started to walk away.

With that, Benson sulked off to begin his cleaning trek, carrying nothing but a feather duster.

A couple hours later, he was already done with a good portion of the rooms. Even though he felt like the biggest loser, Benson kept a straight face and did what he was supposed to, though he hadn't seen Maellard in a while. He wasn't even by the breathtaking pool area.

_I never thought I'd actually WANT to be around Mr. Maellard. Maybe it's this ridiculous outfit thinking for me..._

"Beandip!" Maellard called from outside the poker room.

Benson was beside the door when he heard his boss call his name. He heard a few older men mumbling as well. He slowly sulked to the door, slowly entering.

All eyes were on Benson instantly. They wolf-whistled and burst into laughter, Maellard as well.

Benson simply blushed. "Umm, did you need something, sir?"

"See?" Maellard ignored Benson as he conversed with his poker buddies. "He looks just like her, thin legs and everything!"

"Oh!" The short one smirked. "Does he do special flavor favors as well?"

Maellard chuckled a bit. "Yes, but he only takes quarters, he doesn't like small change!"

All four men guffawed at the suggestive gumball machine joke. Benson's face seemed to get redder and sadder by the minute.

_I've never felt so humiliated, I can't believe this! My own boss, treating me like this? I should shove a bucket of quarters up his-_

Soon, they stopped laughing.

"That was a good one, Maellard, though very dirty, it's still a good laugh."

"Yes yes, I know, it describes Beancan perfectly-"

"My name is Benson."

They all stopped to look at him, Maellard as well.

"What's that?"

"I said, my name is Benson."

"I know that I don't-"

Benson stepped closer, pointing at him, "And I don't appreciate you treating me like this. Look, it's fine if you don't wanna remember my real name, but don't treat me like I'm the dirt under this duster. You may not like me in general outside of work, you probably hate my guts for all I know, but that doesn't give you the right to disrespect your own employee that does everything he can to maintain the park, and in this case, clean your mall-sized home."

"Benson, I-"

"It's fine, '**sir**', I'll just get back to cleaning your mansion, then I'll go back to my crappy one bedroom apartment so I can come back here tomorrow and feel like the biggest failure in the world, no matter how much work I do."

With that, Benson walked out slowly, leaving Maellard to blankly stare where his unappreciated employee stood.

"You know," One of the men spoke up. "What he says is true. He makes it seem like you hate him by the way he talked."

Maellard raised an eyebrow. "I don't hate him at all, I just..."

He truly wasn't sure what he thought about his employee. Maellard is such a busy man, his numerous credit cards could never buy him time to think about anything! Everything was mixed around in the old man's head, going from his franchises and homes, to his business, to his son sometimes,...to Benson's extreme outbursts, the random thoughts about his gumballs and now his maid outfit..

_Well, he did wear that maid outfit rather well.._

"You should chat with him, Mael."

"Yeah," The short one replied. "He ain't perfect, but c'mon, he seems like he takes care of your park real well."

Maellard nodded, his face filled with regret. "Help yourselves, boys. I've got work to do."

"Good luck, comrade!" The men said to him as he left the card room.

Maellard went off to find Benson, trying to keep himself from shedding a few tears.

_I don't understand, why are my eyes leaking? I know I've been rough on Ben, but why would I get so emotional about it?_

Then he started to remember the many times he made Benson feel like a complete buffoon, and the face he'd yell at him over the most random things, as well as belittling him in front of everyone constantly...

_...Well, I certainly have some explaining to do.._

He looked into the bathroom on the right, where Benson was plunging the toilet.

"Benson?"

Benson stopped when he saw Maellard. He put the plunger down and approached him.

"Yes, sir?"

"I-well," He remembered the secret room. "Come with me."

They walked up to the third floor and walked down the hall to the forbidden tie-dye door.

"You didn't go in here, did you?" Maellard questioned him.

"No, I stayed clear of the door." Benson smiled a bit. "I was tempted though."

Maellard smiled. "Ah. Well, no need for the temptation anymore." He slowly opened the door, revealing the forbidden secret.

"Behold!"

Benson was in complete awe. As they walked in, they saw it all. The walls were a bright neon green, there was a full-service bar, a line of exercise equipment, a movie screen and a set of seats, a small wading pool, and to top it all off, a five-star spa tub that could fit ten people.

"This is...amazing."

"Now you know why I kept it a secret from everyone but family and colleagues. It's simply too flawless for words."

"Very much so."

"C'mon, let's rest our feet in the spa tub."

They walked over. Before Benson sat, he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Should I take this outfit off now?"

"Mmm, not yet." Maellard said, smiling. "However, you do look simply amazing in it."

Benson's face turned bright red again. "Oh, well, thanks, sir!"

He sat down next to Maellard, letting the warm, bubbly water swallow his feet and ankles.

Maellard spoke up. "Benson, I want you to know that..well, even though I can be harsh on you at times, I'm still grateful for all the work you do."

Benson smiled. "Really?"

"Of course! Trust me, if I really despised you, I would've let you go a long time ago. But look, I'm a very busy man, and I also like to have things done right, you know? Maybe that explains all of the complaining and nitpicking I do on your reports and whatnot."

"That's fine."

"Anyhow, when you confronted me a bit ago about how I've been disrespecting you, I-I hadn't realized I was affecting you so deeply! You must understand that I don't mean to cause any harm or damage to your mental well-being. It's all business, so it's not like I'm trying to be your enemy, though I suppose I come off as one sometimes, don't I?"

Benson shrugged a bit. "Sometimes."

Maellard smiled. "I'll be sure to think before I talk from now on, I thank you for your honesty. In the meantime, don't take anything I say personally."

"I'll try, sir."

With that, Maellard took off his clothes and left nothing but some swim trunks on, slipping into the tub. "Well, I'm ready to relax and collect my thoughts."

"Should I go back to work?"

"No, stay with me, it's pretty quiet around here."

Benson glanced down at his maid outfit, then back at Maellard.

Maellard smiles. "Yes, yes, you can take it off now."

Benson took the outfit off and set it aside, slipping into the tub as well. Now that he was relaxing in bubbly warm water, he could actually put on a genuine smile.

_My boss admitted that he appreciated me, complimented my appearance, let me see his secret room AND let me relax in his hot tub!_

These pleasant thoughts slowly drifted through Benson's head as he smiled and closed his eyes.

_I hope I get to be his maid more often..._


	24. PopsXMargaret

**~24th crack pairing: Pops and Margaret~**

It was Monday morning, and Pops sat on the steps in front of the house, dreadfully sighing and looking down at his feet.

"Hey Pops!"

Pops looked up to see Mordecai and Rigby, waving to him.

"Oh, hello boys."

Mordecai instantly suspected Pops' sad face. "How come you look so sad?"

"Yeah," Rigby added. "You're usually all happy and jolly!"

"Well," Pops started. "Today is 'Bring your child to work' day."

"Really?" Mordecai asked. "I thought they took that holiday away a long time ago."

"Wait, isn't that the holiday that kids in school do, when they tell the teacher they're at their parent's job, but instead they're chillaxing at home?"

"What, like you did all through junior high?" Mordecai said to his friend.

"Yeauh, you know I did! I wouldn't have beaten all those video games if I had actually went to my parents' jobs."

"But Rigby," Pops intervened. "Why would you want to miss out on a superb oppurtunity to help your parental guardian at work? It's just so splendid!"

"Uh Pops," Mordecai added. "Why are you upset because of the holiday?"

Pops sighed. "I asked my father if I could stay with him at work today, but he simply ignored me and went about his business. It's like I was invisible!"

"Ah man," Rigby replied. "Invisible to your own dad?"

"Yes, unfortunately. It's very common with papa. I suppose I was too eager about seeing him at his occupation. I'm just so curious about the workforce!"

"Well, if you can't go to your dad's job, you can just visit someone else at their job. They may not be your parents, but..it's still the same, plus, it's good to meet new people, you know?"

Pops smiled at Mordecai's idea. "I adore your idea, Mordecai, but I'm afraid I haven't aquired many aquaintances around town."

Rigby thought for a second and looked at Mordecai. "We know someone."

A half hour later, Mordecai opened the door to the coffee shop and the three of them walked in.

"This place is perfect for you, Pops." Mordecai said. "You'll learn so many cool things here, you won't even care that your dad ditched you."

"Yeah, his job is probably boring anyway." Rigby replied. "Plus, if you're lucky, you could get free food and coffee!"

"Hey guys, welcome back." Margaret said as she walked up to them.

"Hey Margaret," Mordecai said. "We were just bringing our friend over before we went back to work."

"Oh, cool." She held out her hand. "I'm Margaret, nice to meet you."

"I'm Pops. The pleasure is all mine, madam." He gently kissed her hand, causing her to blush a bit. Most men she met would never greet her like that. Of course, most of the guys would end up being exes of hers..

The blush quickly left her cheeks when she wondered why they brought him over.

"So, what's the occasion? You guys never bring friends over."

"It's 'Bring your child to work' day." Rigby said.

"Yeah," Mordecai added. "And Pops' dad ditched him when he asked if he could go to work with him, so we were thinking he could stay with you."

"Oh, I would love that so very much, Ms. Margaret!" Pops said gleefully. "I've always wanted to see the fun of working at a cafe'. The name is quite fun to say as well!" He giggled randomly.

"Sure, it'd be nice to have extra company! You'll love it here, Pops." Margaret said as she smiled.

"I think we better get back to work, see you guys later." Mordecai said as he and Rigby walked out, waving to them.

"Ta-ta!" Pops said, waving back to them.

Margaret started to show Pops around the shop. When they finally stopped at the register on the dessert display counter, Pops giggled with glee.

"This is such a wonderful land of sweets and smells!"

Margaret continued to smile. "I'm glad you love it, it's a pretty cool place, I guess."

"Miss Margaret, are you sure?" Pops seemed to notice that Margaret wasn't in the cheeriest mood. "You look like you are a bit down in the dumps."

Margaret rubbed the back of her neck. "I guess you could say that."

"Oh my, you can talk to me if it-"

"Can I have a hot decaf and a hot cream noodle soup?" A man said as he approached the register.

"Sure," Margaret rung up his order and glanced at Pops. "Pops, can you get me a cup of decaf and some hot cream noodle soup? You'll find the soup on the stove."

"Oh, oh yes of course!" He went back into the kitchen and saw some of the same soup boiling on the stove. He picked up a large bowl and scooped the soup in it. He slowly brought it out.

"Here's your soup, sir-OOP!" Pops tripped on his own shoelaces, causing him to throw the bowl, and the soup ended up getting in the customer's face.

"AHHHHHHH! WHAT THE HECK!" He seethed and yelled.

Margaret quickly wiped his face with towels. "I apologize, sir, he didn't mean it."

"Yes, I'm deeply sorry, sir!" Pops replied. "You see, my shoelaces always come up to trick me at the worst of times!"

"I don't care about your stupid excuses, I just want my order!" The customer raged. "Just go and shrink your head or something, man, and stay away from the kitchen."

Pops' eyes started to tear up.

Margaret noticed. "Pops, don't cry it's-"

Soon enough, he ran off crying into the womens' restroom. The customer simply looked at the robin, who sadly watched him run into the bathroom.

"So, am I gonna get my order this week or not?"

Meanwhile, Pops was sitting criss-crossed on the floor, sobbing into his hands. He felt like such a failure.

_Maybe papa was right to reject my assistance for his job, because of my cursed clumsiness, I can't do anything right! I probably got dear sweet Margaret into trouble too!_

Then he started to think of the happy-go-lucky girl.

_She probably thinks I'm such a neanderthal! Oh, how will I ever make it up to her? She's so sweet, she doesn't deserve my company! I might as well just leave and-_

He hears the door open. "Pops?"

He looks behind him and sees Margaret is there. "Oh, hello, Margaret. Don't mind me, I'm just resting my noodles and wetting my face."

She smiled. "In the womens' bathroom?"

"Huh?" He looked around and definitely noticed that he was, indeed, not in a mens' restroom. He blushed a bit. "Well, I suppose I was too distraught to have notice. I feel like such a jester! I can't do one single thing right!"

She sat down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "That's not true."

"What ever do you mean?"

"Just because you're a little clumsy doesn't mean you can't do anything. Everyone makes mistakes. I still make mistakes and I've been working here a long time."

"But still," Pops said, laying his head on her shoulder gently. "I wanted to properly assist you with your confectionary goodies and whatnot, but I've failed you."

She rubbed his back, smiling. "Jobs can be pretty tough sometimes, I understand, but one thing's for sure, you didn't fail me at all. In fact, I'm glad you came by! I totally love having you around!"

He smiled up at her. "Really?"

"Yeah! You may not be the best at working in a coffee shop, but you being an awesomely sweet person fully makes up for it."

He smiled and blushed a bit. He remembered that she was a bit down earlier.

"Would you like to tell me about why you were so down and dreary earlier? I am a splendid listener!"

"Oh yeah." She remembered, and shrugged a bit. "Just the usual guy problems."

"Usual?" The lives of others always made the naive lolli man oh-so curious. All those years of watching soap operas rubbed off on him quite a bit.

"Yeah," She hung her head. "I just can't seem to find the perfect guy. Every guy I date ends up being a jerk or just tries to sneak around with another girl. It's like they don't even consider my feelings."

Pops hugged her, feeling sorry for her. Truth be told, he wasn't an expert with relationships, but no matter what the issue was, he always liked to help the person feel better.

"Look at it this way, Margaret. You may find that you're only able to pick up the bad apples. But, if you continue to keep your head held high and keep your precious smile, you will look up to see that ecstatic tree calling you over to show you the good apples! Then, you'll pick the best and sweetest one, and your problems will be a thing in the past in no time!"

Margaret smiled, blushing again. "Aww Pops, that's so sweet. I never thought of using expressions before, you've got quite an imagination!"

"I do my best~" He gleefully said. "But it is also my advice for you. To find the right one, not only do you have to find the ecstatic tree, but you must also keep every eye open! The beloved man of your dreams could be right in front of you, or he could be miles away!"

She blushed when he said 'right in front of you'.

"But I know you will have no trouble finding him, you're a very lovely girl indeed!"

"Aww Pops, that's sweet of you. You're really making me blush!"

He blushed as well, giggling. "But I hope I helped! Did I?"

"Totally!" She crossed her arms, smiling. "See? I knew you were good at something!"

"I am! I am good at something, good at advice!" Pops laughed gleefully. "Perhaps we should go chat over some confectionary goodies."

"Sure," She nodded. "I just need to wash my hands and I'll be right out."

"Ooh, splendid! Don't forget your elbows!" He gleefully skipped out of the restroom.

Margaret washed some water over her face, not knowing what she was feeling right now.

_Could it be? He may be! I-I never thought that I'd like-_

She splashed more water on her face, then smiled proudly as she walked out the door.

_Who knows? I'll have to find out when I find that tree.._


	25. SkipsXEileen

**~25th crack pairing: Eileen and Skips~**

It was a Saturday afternoon, and Eileen, Margaret and her friend Callie, a thin burgandy-colored swan, were walking into the woods.

Callie dreadfully sighed, looking at her nails. "We skipped the big blowout sale at the mall for this?"

"Don't worry, guys," Eileen assured. "I just have to find a pure maple tree, that way I can get the heart-shaped maple nut I'm looking for. Then we'll be out of here in a jiffy, I promise."

"But I thought maple trees were hard to find around here?" Margaret asked.

"They are," Callie replied. "The old people were always chopping them down. I told your weirdo friend that ten times before, but she practically ignored me!"

"I didn't, I just had hope that there'd be atleast one maple tree in these parts." Eileen shyly said. "How else am I gonna get that maple nut for my recipe?"

"Maple nuts don't even exist! Just buy syrup at the store like **normal **people do, that way you won't ruin other peoples' days because you wanna drag them along on your stupid kiddie adventures!" Callie snapped.

Eileen looked like she was about to cry, in which Margaret noticed.

"Cal, we'll be outta here soon, just be cool."

She sighed and nodded to her friend. "Fine, fine." Callie, like most swans, has a short temper and could care less about most people. No one would ever guess that since she looked so gloriously stunning.

"I think I found one!" Eileen excitedly said as she ran over to the tree, sniffing and examining it.

Meanwhile, Callie looked up and saw a series of grey clouds.

"Let's hustle!" She cried to Eileen. "It looks like it's gonna rain and I am **NOT **getting my feathers wet!"

"Okay, hang on! I gotta make sure it's authentic first." Eileen continued to observe the tree, studying it.

Of course, Callie grew impatient by the minute and groaned.

"C'mon, Maggie, let's just go to the mall, we don't need her."

"No, we're waiting until she's done! I can't leave her alone in the woods."

"Why not? She'd fit in perfectly with the other rodents-OW!" Margaret punched her.

"Quit acting like that! She didn't even do anything to you!"

They continued to quarrel. After Eileen quickly climbed the tree, she was pretty high off the ground. She tried looking through the leaves, but then the fear hit her, the heights thing. When it did, she couldn't focus on anything else, not even the nut that she 'desperately needed'.

"Oh no, I-I can't do this.." She was shaking.

"What's wrong Eileen?" Margaret yelled up to her.

"I-I can't get down, I'm too scared."

**BOOM!**

After the sudden rush of thunder, rain quickly started to fall. The three girls screamed.

Callie had a terrified look. "MY FEATHERS!"

"Eileen!" Margaret cried. "Get down from there, we have to go!"

"But I have to find the maple nut!"

The three of them all noticed that the ground began to flood.

"I think we have bigger problems right now! Just come down before you get hurt!"

Eileen attempted to try to climb down, but slipped and her shirt got caught onto a branch pretty tightly. Now she was hanging 15 feet above the ground.

Margaret shrieked. "Hold on, Eileen!" She attempted to reach Eileen, but the waters rose higher and higher, quickly forcing the two birds to drift away, both of them screaming.

"Eileen, help!" Margaret cried.

"MY PRECIOUS FEATHERS!" The swan cried.

"Margaret, Callie!" Faster than she could realize what happened, the branch that held her shirt broke off, sending Eileen down 15 feet straight into a random log, quickly knocking her lights out.

Eileen slowly opened her eyes and looked around.

_W-where am I?_

She noticed that she was on some sort of hospital bed. She looked around at her surroundings. It looked somewhat like a tree house, but a little bit more detailed.

"Oh good, you're awake."

She heard a husky voice behind her. She looked to see a strong ape-like creature with an impressive physique. He was holding a couple folders.

"I can't remember anything," She said, rubbing her head, which had a large bandage on it. "What happened?"

"You hit your head on a log pretty hard during that storm." He pulled out an X-ray of her skull. "You're lucky I had the right tools here, or you'd probably be in a deep coma, maybe worse."

She smiled, feeling very grateful. "Wow! I-I don't know what to say-"

He smiled, chuckling a bit. "Hey, don't worry about it. Just be more careful when you're in the woods."

"I sure will, doctor!"

"Skips. I'm not exactly a doctor, ya know."

She shrugged."You still saved my life, Skips. I owe you big time." She shook his hand after he helped her down from the bed. "I'm Eileen."

He smiled. "Pleasure to meet ya. I made some tea, it's in the living room." She followed him to the living room. As she entered the somewhat small room, she couldn't help but notice the beautiful surroundings.

"Wow, I love Zen furniture, especially the sofas with the bicast leather."

He smiled at her, giving her a cup of tea. "Good to hear. Most people your age tend to favor the modern furniture over the antique stuff."

She shrugged a bit as she sat next to him on the couch. "Well, I'm not like most people, that's for sure."

He nodded, glancing away. "I hear ya. You don't follow common trends, you just make your own. You like jazz music and the other kids like pop, the other kids do stuff that's in the tabloids, while you just read about it and laugh."

She giggled. "I've actually done that before."

"Mhm." He sipped his tea. "To put all this in a nutshell, you just do what Eileen wants to do, even if it means the others'll reject you from their 'in-crowd'. But hey, joke's on them, cuz it just gives them the vibe that you're the leader of your pack, and not a follower."

She couldn't help but smile big and blush a bit. "It's like you read my diary." She grinned at him a bit. "You sure you didn't read my mind while I was knocked out?"

He chuckled. "Nah, I'm just good at reading people I guess. People say I know everything, and I agree."

"Really?" She was curious. "Did you know that the average person laughs 15 times a day?"

Skips scratched his head a bit. "Well I-"

"And that turtles have the ability to breathe through their rear ends? Oh! And my favorite one is that you'll shed 40 pounds of skin in your lifetime."

He glanced at her. "Did you know that I'm immortal?"

She gave a surprised look. "No way."

"Yeah. It's one thing you didn't know, huh?"

She rubbed the back of her neck, awkwardly. "Sorry about my smarty-pants enthusiasm. I can get a little nutty when I learn new fun facts."

He patted her back. "Nothin' to be ashamed of. Braggin' rights are good for your self-esteem, no matter what other people say. And you," He put an arm on her shoulder. "You need a good boost to your self-esteem."

She nodded, looking a bit down. "You're right. It just seems like everywhere I look, there's a new obstacle in my way, and then it's hard to keep my head up."

Skips was about to give the troubled girl more words of wisdom, but he suddenly remembered something.

"I got somethin' that'll paint a smile on ya, hang tight." He quickly skipped out into another room. While he was gone, Eileen looked at the different Zen paintings on the wall. They just looked so...peaceful and inspirational.

_No wonder he's so calm and...great at advice. And I'm sure he gets peace from working out, no doubt. Not to mention those hot six-pack abs-_

She stopped her train of thought when she saw Skips skip back with something behind his back.

"I think you've been wanting this for a while." He pulled the item from his back and showed it to her, instantly painting a huge smile on the girl's face.

"A heart-shaped maple nut? Oh my gosh!" She somewhat squealed as she held the medium-sized nut. She excitedly switched her glances from Skips to the nut and back and forth. "How did you? Wha-where did you-"

He chuckled. "Hey, I know everything, remember?"

She quickly ran up to the yeti and bear-hugged his abdomen, the smile never leaving her face. "Thank you thank you thank you Skips, that was so nice of you! You made my year!~"

He smiled and hugged her back, gently rubbing her back. "I'm just glad you're finally smiling. Promise me you won't change anything about yourself except your self-esteem?"

She smiled up at him and nodded. "I promise." Soon, they stopped hugging and it was a bit of an awkward silence until Eileen spoke up.

"I have a good idea. Do you have a kitchen here?"

"Of course. This place is kinda like my second home, why?"

She picked up the maple nut. "Well, now that I have a maple nut, I thought we could..you know, cook something together, if you want?"

Usually, Skips would give a person a blank face if they asked him a question like that, but with a smile like hers, why would he say anything else but..

"Yeah, I'd like that! I got a recipe book in the kitchen."

As they began looking for ingredients and whatnot, Skips noticed that Eileen never let go of her beautiful smile. Then he realized that he, himself, had been smiling ever since she woke up, when most of the time, Skips was like an antonym of the word 'smile'.

_I gave her advice, and she practically gave advice back to me. I guess I can't say I know everything..._


	26. DonXBenson

**~26th crack pairing: Don and Benson~**

_Bing bing bing! Bing bing bing!_

Don's fancy house phone began ringing, and as always, Don quickly ran to answer it.

"Dextrose Don residence!" He chirped.

"Uh, what?" Mordecai asked.

"You know, Dextrose?" Nothing. "Glucose? It's another word for sugar, get it?"

"Oh yeah, I get it now." Mordecai tried to hold back a laugh. Don could be so nerdy sometimes.

"Anyway, Rigby and I need your help, dude."

"With what, Mordo? I'm happy to help!"

"..Well, I think Benson's about to fire us and-"

"**WHAT?**"

Mordecai now heard that tone that meant Don had hung up the phone.

"Don? Crap, he hung up."

Rigby shrugged. "Whatever, we don't need him, it's not like he'd be able to help us!"

_Slam!_

"Rigbone, Mordo!" He yelled as he ran in the room they were in.

"Don? How'd you get-"

"No worries, guys, I got in the door just fine." He had a frown on his face. "Now where's your boss? I'd like to have a word wit-"

"There you are!" Benson yelled as he came in the room. He was as red as a tomato dipped in ketchup. "I should've known not to leave that cash vault unlocked while you two morons were around!"

Don just watched the argument unravel, not knowing what to do at the moment. Mordecai was quick to defend he and Rigby.

"But Benson, it wasn't us, we would never do that!"

"Yeah!" Rigby replied. "It was these two big huge muscley guys, dude! They tackled us and-"

"EXCUSES WON'T GET THAT MONEY BACK!" He was practically seething as the two were trapped against a corner. "I SHOULD TEAR YOUR SKULLS OUT AND STICK THEM RIGHT UP YOUR-"

"Benson-bone!" Don interrupted. "Why are you being so hostile towards these two?"

Benson glared back at the muscular raccoon. "These idiots stole and spent all of the money from the vault earlier this morning!"

"But they would never do that, I know them."

"They were the only ones home at the time, now stop defending them!" Benson coldly replied. Don's eye now began to twitch.

"Dude, c'mon!" Mordecai begged. "I know the money's gone, but we can earn it all back in no time!"

"Yeah man!" Rigby replied, trying to push Benson away since he was way too close to him. "Or we'll find those dudes who did it and-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Benson yelled as he violently shoved Rigby onto the floor, causing Don to gasp and become angered.

"I've had it with you two! You're nothing but trouble, you waste my time and energy and you're worthless when it comes to your jobs! I've been biting my tongue since day one, and I've been letting you guys off scott-free for too long!"

"But Benson-"

"I don't wanna hear another peep from you pieces of scum! You're both **FIRED**!"

"WHAT!" They both shrieked in horror.

"No!" The raccoon yelled as he walked up to Benson. "You can't fire them!"

Benson shrugged and glared. "I just did."

Even though Rigby was never fond of him, Don still stood up for his innocence. "My brother says it was two other guys, and I believe him!"

"Really huh?" Benson coldly replied. "You **really **think Rigby is a perfect little angel? He constantly lies about **EVERYTHING**, so why would I think he'd actually tell the truth this time around?"

Don tried to think of something else to say. "I-h-he wouldn't lie about money! He never does!"

Benson paused for a moment, then shook his head and chuckled. "It's kinda sad that you barely know your own brother."

As soon as Don heard that, he punched Benson square in the face, knocking him down.

"H-how...dare you.." Don stuttered, with tears in his eyes. He proceeded to run out of the room, leaving the duo to blankly stare while Benson groaned and rubbed his face.

"Benson? You in here?"

Benson knew that voice and perked up. "I'm in here, Skips."

To everyones' surprise, Skips came in, dragging two big muscley guys with him.

"These two were carrying big bags of money around with them, similar to the ones in the vault."

One of the men scoffed. "We almost got to the bank, too."

The other man laughed maniacally. "Millionare city! WOO!~"

"Wait a minute, THOSE GUYS stole the money?"

"Mhm." Skips nodded.

Benson scratched his head. "Well, how do we know for su-"

"I know they did it, Benson. I gotta call the cops." With that, Skips dragged the men over to the wall phone.

Benson looked up and shook his head. "I-I can't believe it.."

"Wait," Mordecai said. "So, does this mean we get our jobs back?"

"Dude!" Rigby chirped, wagging his tail. "Don was awesome! Did you see that punch?"

Benson wasn't listening to anyone. "I can't believe I said that.." He walked out of the room, while Mordecai called out to him.

"Benson, wait!"

Rigby laughed. "Man, he should be a wrestler instead of a bank guy, huh Mordecai?"

"Yeah," Mordecai shrugged, then looked at his friend. "Do you think he'll give us our jobs back?"

Meanwhile, Benson was looking all around outside. The afternoon sun was bright and clear, so he figured it'd be easy to find the tall raccoon.

But he had looked everywhere he thought he'd be: the park gym, the flower garden, even the snack bar. He was now walking towards the childrens' playground, feeling all kinds of self-pity.

_Poor guy. I tend to forget he's got such a sensitive personality. I-I don't know what got into me, I had no right making a remark like that to him, regardless if I was about to explode with anger. Good thing Maellard wasn't around.._

He looked to his right where the playground was, empty as could be. It caused him to remember his childhood days, when he'd play on the swingset all alone, just like Don is right now..

_Wait, Don?_

Instead of calling his name, he decided to quietly walk towards the open swing. He looked at Don.

"Mind if I join you?"

Don looked to where the voice came from and slightly smiled. "Sure."

With that, Benson sat down on the swing, instantly remembering the 'good' ole days..

_No no, I'll reminisce later. I have a real issue right now.._

"I actually enjoyed that punch."

Don looked at the other man, confused. "I'm sorry?"

"No really, I did," Benson nodded. "It was impressive. I thought you'd be the last person I would see throwing a punch, especially one like that. I was surprised."

Don sighed. "Hurting people isn't impressive, Ben. When I hurt people, it hurts me."

Benson rested a hand on Don's shoulder. "I deserved that pain, Don. What I said to you was unacceptable. I know it sounds cliche' but, it was like my nasty side came out and forced me to say that. I guess I just turn into this whole other person when I'm angry."

Don smiled and nodded. "I understand, it's alright."

Benson looked up at the clouds. "Rigby enjoyed the punch too."

Don glanced at him. "Really? You're not just making me feel better, are you?"

"No, I heard him! He seemed to be impressed by you! By the way he was talking about you, he made you seem like his own personal hero."

Don teared a bit, smiling.

"In fact, I heard him say that you should go into wrestling instead of accounting."

Don chuckled. "Ah that Rigbone and his wrestling, I definitely owe him some sugar, that's for sure."

"Oh," Benson said , rubbing the back of his neck. "And uh, you were right about Rigby. He was telling the truth."

Don gasped happily. "They found the guys who did it?"

"Our very own Skips found them." He sighed. "I gotta admit, I was wrong all along."

Don grinned, nudging Benson. "Who woulda thought Big Boss Ben would be wrong, huh?"

Benson smiled, blushing a bit. "Yeah yeah, no need to rub it in, I know.~"

Don winked. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

Benson looked down, kicking the sand a bit. Don looked back at him.

"So wait, if those other guys stole the money, what's gonna happen to Mordo and Rigbone?"

Benson smiled at him. "They're getting their jobs back."

"Even though you said all of those things to them?"

"Well, I hate to admit it, but...it wouldn't be the same without those two."

"Aww," Don gushed. "I knew you had a sweet side to ya, Ben. Never a doubt in my mind."

Benson grinned, chuckling. "Don't tell anyone though, alright?"

"I'll keep it locked up tight, no problem." Then he stood up, spreading his arms. "But I gotta steal some sugar from you to keep the promise."

Benson blushed and sighed. "Well, how could I ever say no?" He got up and opened his arms to the raccoon, who picked up the slightly shorter gumball machine and cuddled him. Benson hugged back as well.

"I hope you can forgive me for punching you, Ben." He asked.

"Hey, I'm the one that should be sorry, Don. No hard feelings?"

Don gave him a slight noogie. "I'd never hold grudges against anyone, especially you."

Finally, Don let him down and they started to walk back towards the house.

"Hey, Benson?"

"Yeah?"

Don blushed and twiddled his fingers a bit. "If Rigbone won't give me any sugar, would you mind giving me some more of your sugar?"

Benson scoffed. "Don, don't be silly."

Don somewhat frowned, but stopped when the gumball machine put an arm around him, smiling.

"You can take sugar from me anytime, just don't tell anyone about it, okay?"

Don nodded. "My lips are sweetly sealed."


	27. High Five GhostXRigby

**~27th crack pairing: Rigby and High Five Ghost~**

It was a pleasant sunny afternoon. Instead of cleaning the fountain, Mordecai and Rigby were soaking their feet in it, chatting about random things.

"Dude," Mordecai started. "We're so getting Dumpster Buster 5 when it comes out."

"Ah what? That game's lame!" Rigby argued. "We should get Yo Mama 3!"

"Dude, it's just gonna be the same levels but with newer and lamer yo mama jokes."

"Oh yeah? You think Dumpster Crapster doesn't suck? It's the same idea every game: eat as much trash as you can 'til your heart stops'." He groaned at the pathetic concept. "You can't tell me you'd rather play that game than **actually **eat garbage."

Mordecai shrugged. "An opinion's an opinion."

Soon, they heard some ghouly noises, the same low noises you hear when you'd think a place was haunted.

"What is that?" Rigby asked, seeming very interested.

"Probably some other weird thing that's gonna try to destroy the park. It's nothing new." Mordecai said, carelessly. "I mean, I don't know, what's the point of finding out what it is? It's just gonna have us one step closer to being fired, you know? I guess I just don't-"

Rigby barely listened to Mordecai complain about whatever he was complaining about. Instead, he continued to listen to the ghouly noises that continued to get louder and louder..

_Dude, it'd be so cool if the park was haunted!_

"I gotta go see!" Rigby cried as he ran off on all fours, leaving Mordecai there by himself.

"What the 'h'? Can't I talk to my best friend about anything?" He sighed, slouching down. "I guess not.."

Meanwhile, Rigby continued to follow the noise. He didn't notice he'd been traveling pretty far from where he was. Every minute he was getting closer..and closer and closer and closer until..

He stopped and looked around.

"The old abandoned cemetary?" He heard the noise again and started to walk in. He stared ahead and noticed a set of graves...with vague apparitions floating above them!

"Hey, ghosts!"

They kept their backs to him, causing the furry mammal to frown.

"What's it like being undead and stuff?"

All of a sudden, they disappeared back into their graves.

"Wait wait, come back!" He ran up to the graves to see where they would've went. No luck with that..

Next, he just decided to look at what the sign near the four graves said.

"'Here lies a family of four, gone so soon, but we've never wanted them more'."

Rigby was about to give a confused reaction when he heard some low, ghouly-sounding sobs, only not so far away, but near him..

"Hello?" Rigby started walking around, looking left and right, up and sideways to find the owner of the sobbing voice. "Anyone else here? Ghosties?" Just then, he slightly bumped into something..what was it? He looked down.

"High Five Ghost?"

There he was, sitting behind a grave, using his five-fingered hand to wipe the tears from his eyes. He looked up at Rigby.

"Rigby? What are you doing here?"

"Same question for you, dude!" He sat down close to HFG. "I was just trying to talk to the undead and see what it's like to be dead and stuff."

HFG somewhat raised an eyebrow. "You uh..you could've asked me about it, I would've answered."

"Huh? You're not really that dead though, right? You act alive like the rest of us."

HFG shook his head. "I'm dead, I'm just one of the lucky ones. Most ghosts are stuck to their graves for eternity, only coming out occasionally. But ghosts like me have the freedom to live lives like normal people do. I'm just like you, but in ghost form."

"Being me is pretty awesome." Rigby grinned, nodding to himself. Surprisingly, he took the focus off of himself when he noticed HFG was still tearing up a bit.

"But wait a minute, dude. How come you're here crying when you live better than other ghosts?"

HFG sighed and slumped into the ground a bit more. "One of my good friends died exactly 2 years ago today."

Rigby rested a paw on him, feeling sad. "I'm sorry, Fives."

HFG nodded and continued. "He always told me that he'd be my best ghost buddy after he died, that he'd never leave my side and would always be there for me when the afterlife would get tough."

"What happened?"

HFG sniffled, trying to hold back his tears. "He never came back."

Rigby felt his heart sink. Usually, Rigby was never the 'sympathetic' type, but this took the bitter cake. For some reason, it made him think of he and Mordecai's friendship, and how similar it seemed to be to HFG's.

_Man, I don't know what I'd do without Mordecai.._

"I didn't notice at first, because I cried my eyes out for 2 weeks after he died. I know it sounds girly to cry over a dude, but he was my best friend next to Muscle Man." HFG continued. "Anyway, I remembered his promise, and remembered he wasn't beside me in ghost form like he said he'd be, so I came to his grave, this one we're sitting behind."

"Uh huh.." Rigby couldn't help but feel a little freaked out.

_I'm sitting behind a dude's grave.._

"I've never seen his ghost come out either, day or night, so I tried calling into his grave, seeing if his soul was in there, anything, any sign of him at all."

He dreadfully sighed. "It was hopeless. I just accept the fact that my friend, my best friend, forgot about me, left me here alone."

Rigby remembered earlier, and how he had left Mordecai all alone just because he heard some noises. He wanted to leave and go back to him, but...poor HFG..

Rigby tried to be optimistic. "Maybe he didn't mean to leave you like that."

"But where else would he go if he didn't wanna go to his grave or be with me?"

"Well uhh..." He had to think of something. "Don't people see a light when they die? Maybe he wanted to follow it, but didn't realize he couldn't come back to you anymore."

"He couldn't have." HFG refused to believe his friend went **there**. "He promised me he would be my eternal friend."

Rigby solemnly nodded. "I know, I know, it hurts, man. I'm sure he didn't mean to leave you, but he's in a better place now." He thought for a second. "Like me, for example, I'm always by Mordecai's side no matter what. We're an awesome pair like you and your friend were!"

HFG nodded. "Yeah?"

"But then there's time when things get in our way, and one of us leaves the other because...well, we get curious." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Mordecai sometimes leaves me for this girl at the coffee shop, and I kinda feel like you do right now, only in a different way."

"Like he ditched you and you felt unwanted?"

"Exactly!" Rigby looked up at the fading afternoon sky. "Then there's times that **I'm** the jerkface, like today I ditched him to find out what the ghouly noises were. He's probably pissed off at me right now." He looked down. "I feel like a total d-bag."

HFG patted his back. "You're not a d-bag, you were just curious, but uh..." He grinned. "You kinda were a d-bag for ditching him. Who knows, maybe he needed a friend to talk to, meaning you."

"Oh, you're on his side now?" Rigby pouted, and looked back at HFG. "Wait, how'd you know Mordecai was talking to me?"

"Lucky guess, I guess." HFG smiled.

Rigby was colored impressed. "Hm hm, not bad, dude."

"Seriously though, Rigby," HFG became serious. "You shouldn't ditch Mordecai so much. I'm not trying to tell you how to be a better friend or anything, I guess..." He looked away a bit. "I guess I just don't want you to have any regrets if he..you know, happens to die, God forbid."

Rigby nodded. "No no, you're right. I'll try to be less of a jerk, but...it's not gonna be easy on the Rigbone."

They chuckled. HFG smiled.

"Hey, atleast it's a start."

Rigby stood up. "If you want, I can leave you here to mourn more if you want."

"Nah, I've been here most of the day mourning, I think I need something to get my mind off of things."

They both walked out of the cemetary.

Rigby got an idea. "Maybe we can snag some food from the snack bar and have a bro picnic!"

"Good idea," HFG grinned evilly. "But how 'bout we get some hot sauce and prank the heck outta Muscle Man and Mordecai?"

Rigby chuckled along with HFG. "I would, but I gotta stop being such a jerk, remember?"

HFG joked. "You can start tomorrow, that's an order."

They continued to laugh as they got to the snack bar, which had no people in it at the moment. As Rigby began to steal all of the food from the fridge, HFG couldn't help but smile at the funny raccoon. Who would've thought he'd be full of helpful and heartfelt advice?

Not just the advice, but the reassurance about his dear friend.

_I'm glad I can move on, now that I know for sure he's in a better place.._


	28. BensonXStarla

**~28th crack pairing: Benson and Starla~**

Right outside the house, there was a beautiful tree. Right now, there were a trio of birds chirping happily..well, were..

_Crack!_

The tree fell faster than Muscle Man could run, those poor birdies..

But speaking of Muscle Man..

"I wasn't being serious, baby, I swear!"

Starla could go from sweet to hot and sour in a matter of seconds. This was a perfect example.

"Oh really? So how come you wrote your phone number in an email to her!"

He was practically flinching with fear the whole time as she fiercely growl-talked to him. "I just needed a friend to talk to about girl stuff, the stuff I can't talk to you about-"

"WHAT?" She threw the tree at a lightpole. "What kinda stuff? Why can't you talk to ME about it? Or are you just gonna tell a girl that you only know **ONLINE **how much more you love her than me?" She was starting to tear up.

"Starla, it's not like that, look-"

"If you think some stupid online girl can do better than me, FINE!" She screamed as she threw a random bunny at him.

She was thinking about what to say next, something that would hopefully make him regret everything..

"I'll just find a guy online too, so he can tell me how much he loves me and how much I love him more than you!" She crossed her arms and angrily grinned.

Muscle Man was blank for a second, then simply shrugged. "Fine, go ahead, I don't care."

This reply alone sent Starla into such a rage, she quickly grabbed his trailer and threw it directly at the park house, causing both of them to set fire and bust into millions of pieces.

Good thing everyone was out of the house for a few days...

"NO!" Muscle Man yelled as he ran over to the destruction. "MY TRAILER, THE COMPUTER, MY MAGAZINES!"

Meanwhile, Benson was about to arrive at the park house in his station wagon, driving and looking over a receipt at the same time. He'd just finished grocery shopping for the house, since no one else would do it..

"150 dollars wasted on groceries again, huh? SOMEBODY is getting a deducted pay," Benson angrily said to himself. "I just gotta-HO...LY..."

All Benson could see in front of him was a bunch of random fire and smoke, with Muscle Man standing there in shock and Starla angrily crying..

But mostly, the fact that the park house was completely destroyed. He could see all the living room furniture burned to a crisp. The rest was just indescribable.

He didn't know whether to scream, cry or angrily crash his car into something. Instead, he simply breathed all of the unknown feelings into a paper grocery bag.

"THAT'S IT!" Muscle Man screamed meanwhile. "This is exactly why our relationship's been nothing but a pile of butts!"

She stopped crying for a second. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me!" He pointed his finger at her. "You're just a jealous, no-good, selfish excuse for a chick!"

Benson was walking up while he was saying all of this.

"And I'm glad I found that woman online, cuz she's way hotter than you'll EVER be!"

"Good luck talking to her on the destroyed computer."

"Huh?" Muscle Man looked behind him. "Benson? What are you-"

"No no, what are YOU doing?" Even after all the deep breaths, he was still angry and red. "Look, I understand that you might have some conflicts in your relationship, but **destroying the house **is **NOT **a way of fixing them!"

"What? I didn't even destroy the house, that stupid girlfriend of mine there did! I can lift a lot of things, but unlike her, I can't lift and throw a trailer!"

Starla just cried into her hands the whole time.

"Well, you sure had enough strength to insult her like you did! Now you're saying you weren't strong enough to throw your trailer at the house out of anger?"

"It's EXACTLY what I'm saying, bro! Benson, you gotta believe me! I'm your employee, you know me! Pals before gals, bro!"

Right after he said that, Starla kicked Muscle Man right in his junk, then proceeded to run off crying.

Benson glared at Muscle Man, who had fell to the ground and put all of his attention to his junk, groaning in pain.

"You stay here, I'm not finished with you yet." Benson coldly said to Muscle Man as he got back in his station wagon to try and catch up with the troubled girl.

_It's times like this where I really REALLY despise my job.._

Benson was already way past the house, and saw no sign of Starla at all. He searched for about 20 minutes and decided to throw in the towel. What's the point of trying to talk to a girl when they're that upset? It's not like they'll listen, especially to someone they don't know..

_Wait, is that her?_

He was at the park entrance where he saw her laying down on a park bench. It looked like she was sleeping, but her body was pulsing from all of the crying.

"Umm, miss?"

She looked out and saw the guy from earlier in the station wagon.

"If you want, you can come with me and share your side of the story, I'll keep it confidential."

She was a bit hesitant at first. She gave a reaction that every girl gives when they're asked to take a ride in a stranger's car..

Benson was well aware of the sickos out there, and knew where she was coming from. "Don't worry, I'm not looking for trouble, I'm just a park manager. I may look creepy, but the looks aren't everything."

Starla chuckled a bit and wiped her eyes as she got up and got in the passenger seat of his car. Soon, they drove off.

_Well, the humor was a start, atleast.._

A little while later, the two sat at a booth in a diner. Benson sipped some well-needed coffee while Starla settled for a glass of water.

"Sure you don't want anything?"

Starla rested her head on her hand, still upset. "I couldn't eat right now if I was forced to."

"I understand." He wrapped his fingers around his cup, looking around awkwardly.

"Thank you for taking me here, sir." She somewhat smiled at him.

He smiled and nodded. "No problem, and please, call me Benson."

Starla had so many things going through her head at once.

_I hate Mitch SO much right now, but if I let him take the blame, I could regret it later! What if he gets fired?_

She looked at Benson, loving his genuine smile and the purple shade on his face that complemented his dimples well.

_But if I tell Benson the truth, he could hate me forever AND get Mitch fired! I don't know what to do.._

"I'm glad you've lightened up a bit. I'm sorry about the whole thing with Muscle Man and all-"

"I'm sorry too!" Starla blurted out. She wanted to cover her mouth and permanently tape it shut.

_No, don't tell him, stupid!_

"Sorry? Sorry for what?"

She started to tear again. "...I did it!" She started to sob and cry. "I threw the trailer at the house, I'm the one who destroyed everything! It's all my fault! **All my fault**!"

Benson's face was blank. He didn't have any time to react since Starla was causing quite a scene in the half-packed diner. He grabbed her hand.

"Let's go outside, alright?"

He led her outside, and luckily everyone in the restaurant seemed to forget the whole thing and return to their business. Meanwhile, Starla still continued to cry, flinching as Benson came near her.

_The memories were coming back.._

"Please, don't hit me!"

He stopped completely, looking startled. "What? I would never hit you, Starla, what makes you think I'd do that?"

"Because, because I was the one that-"

"I know, you were the one that threw the trailer."

She looked at him, an unsure look on her face. "But..I caused tons of damage!"

He nodded, looking like he was trying to 'face the facts'. "I know. Normally, if someone did something like that, then yes, I'd be angrier than a penguin in the summer."

"But Benson?" She asked. "How come you're not mad at me? You're...calm."

"Well," He crossed his arms. "For one thing, stuff like this happens in my life on a regular basis. The other thing is.." He smiled again. "You told me the truth."

She was a bit dumbfounded. "Huh?"

"One thing I hate is when someone lies right to my face when I know they did something wrong. I know you were kinda hesistant because you think I would hate your guts if you told me upfront.."

She somewhat blushed. _It's like he read my mind.._

"But I would've been more angry if you kept lying to me. Plus, like they always say, 'the truth hurts'. I've learned that the hard way.."

"It does hurt! I feel horrible for doing it, Benson! I'm so sorry!"

He nodded, roping her in for a hug. "Don't worry about it. It'll all get taken care of, it's no big deal."

"I can help you restore your house if you want!" She beamed.

"We'll deal with that later, let's just go back inside and relax." They were about to walk back into the diner, when Benson glanced at Starla. "I do know a way you can help me though."

"Sure, what is it?"

He nudged her arm and grinned at her. "Release all your anger on me so you won't destroy any more houses."

She giggled. "Okay, I'll try not to make it hurt like the truth!"

With that, they walked back in the diner to their table, not noticing that they were gently holding hands, smiling.

_And the calmness begins.._


	29. Muscle ManXMordecai

**~29th crack pairing: Mordecai and Muscle Man~**

_Slam! Slam!_

Both doors were slammed, and Mordecai and Muscle Man angrily walked out of the doors they came from, angrily mumbling to themselves. All of a sudden, they roughly bumped into each other.

"Watch it!" They said simultaneously. They were about to insult each other, but stopped.

"What's wrong with you?" Mordecai asked, still keeping the frown on his face.

"What's wrong with me, bro? What's wrong with you?"

"Bro problems, you?"

"Bro problems, too."

They both angrily groaned. They paused for a moment until Mordecai spoke up.

"Wanna hit the arcade?"

"Nah, I'm starving, let's go to El Paco Taco." They started to leave. "They got all you can eat bean burritos."

Soon, the two sat at the taco bar, eating their problems away.

Well, Muscle Man was, for the most part..

"Hey guy, hurry up!" He told the guy behind the counter. "My stomach's craving more 'ritos!"

While he shoved countless burritos down his throat, Mordecai ate 3 tacos with a side of rice and nachos, causing Muscle Man to give him an ugly glance.

Mordecai finished chewing and looked up at him. "What?"

"No wonder you have bro problems! You eat like a chick!"

"What do my eating habits have to do with anything?"

Muscle Man crossed his arms. "They have to do with everything! Me and Fives always do the all you can eat special, and we have awesome eating contests!"

"So if that's true, how come you're having bro problems?"

His smile turned upside down. "...I was winning this video game we were playing and Fives thought I was cheating, and then we started fighting. It became pretty brutal."

"Whoa, no way," Mordecai replied with interest. "That's kinda why me and Rigby were fighting, except I thought he was cheating.."

"Whatever, those guys are lame-o's anyway," Muscle Man said. "If they wanna think we're total losers, then that's fine, who needs 'em?"

"I know! We totally deserve more respect than we're already given. We'd be way better off if they didn't exist!"

"I agree with you boys..."

The two looked around as if they'd heard a car crash.

"Who said that?" Muscle Man said with a little fear.

"Oh no one," The man turned his bar stool to face them. "Just a guy who found out he was too good for his unappreciative best friend."

The two gave the mysterious man an awkward look.

"Yeah, I know," He continued. "You're probably thinking I'm crazy, right? A peanut butter sandwich is nothing without marshmallow sauce, right? The truth is.." He took his cap off, revealing his questionable face. "I'm a lot better off without that little pest telling me what to do, ruining my life and getting in the way of my aspirations..."

Mordecai had an eyebrow raised. "What's your point, dude?"

"My point? My point? Well, lemme ask you guys something, you guys are mad at your best friends, right?"

"Heck yeah I am!" Muscle Man angrily said. "He's a total jerkface that needs to quit ruining my life with his jerkiness!"

"Yeah, same for me!" Mordecai nodded. "My friend's always blaming stuff on me and holding me back! And he's always the reason I get into trouble at work!"

The man nodded. "Yeah! And you wish they could go away, right?"

"Yeah!" They yelled together.

"You two are in luck, then. I can help."

They gave him suspicious eyes.

"What do you mean you can help us?" Muscle Man said quietly. The man chuckled.

"I've got a six-figure job, a house on the beach, a ride with a built-in fridge and more ladies than a womens' restroom. Why? Because I was able to get rid of that best leech friend of mine easily."

Muscle Man was in a daze, probably picturing himself having everything this man supposedly had, and more. Mordecai was simply curious.

"How did you get rid of him that easily? You're acting like you threw away a piece of garbage."

"It was that simple, because I used **THIS**." He reached out his hand from his long sleeve, which glowed in many vibrant colors, as if it were some sort of magic item.

"Whoa man!" Muscle Man beamed. "It looks like a chameleon barfed on your hand!"

"You probably think this is easier said than done, but hey, I was able to get rid of that weasel friend of mine within a matter of seconds, I can do the same for you guys." He began to study his hand.

"Hold on, this all sounds WAY too good to be true," Mordecai said. "Why would you wanna help us for free?"

"Yeah, bro, what's the catch?" Muscle Man replied.

"No catch, just a dude helping other dudes. Kinda like donating to charity but more awesome." He looked at his hand. "I can even see your friends here, take a look."

He held his palm out in front of the two. It looked like his hand was a TV screen, showing video of Rigby and HFG doing random things. Mordecai and Muscle Man were simply in awe.

"Pretty awesome, right?" The man smirked. "All I gotta do is mess with my hand a little bit and your friends'll be gone in a jiffy."

"Woo!" Muscle Man said, still in awe. "I want a hand like that!"

Mordecai rubbed the back of his neck. "Wait, if you do that, what happens to Fives and Rigby?"

"They die." The man shrugged. "But who cares, right? You said your world would be a better place without that stupid friend of yours holding you back."

"But I don't want him to die!"

He pointed to Muscle Man. "What about you? Would you rather be friends with some stupid, overly-dependant ghost or have all that you dreamed about and more?"

"I-I don't know.." Muscle Man started to sweat a little, somewhat grinning. "Mordecai, this sounds so awesome, right? We could be millionaires and have our own hot dog stands..."

"What? Dude! He wants to **kill **our best friends!"

"But what if they ARE holding us back, bro?"

Mordecai glared at him. "Holding you back from what?"

"Everything." The man interrupted. "Maybe he wants to-"

"**I was talking to him**." Mordecai coldly replied, then looked back at Muscle Man. "C'mon, man, look at this deadbeat loser." He motioned to the man.

He continued to talk to Muscle Man. "Yeah, he might have tons of money and houses and stuff we might not ever get, but look at what it did to him, dude!"

"It.." Muscle Man continued to sweat. "It made him happy?"

"It made him **pathetic, worthless, a total d-bag**. He **killed **his own best friend, the dude he had a bond with, the dude he had eating contests with, the dude that loved to kick his butt at video games.." He started to think of Rigby. "The dude he thought he could never live without..."

He squinted his eyes with anger. "He took his life, just so he could have more money for stuff, and all he can say about him is that he was a terrible friend because he was holding him back from the superficial life. You can't get any more disgusting than that."

Muscle Man had a tear in his eye, realizing that this man's friend might have been like his own best friend. Then he imagined if HFG wasn't there beside him anymore...

_Man, what was I thinking! I could never live without my bro!_

The man chuckled. "Good job, man, you insulted me pretty harshly, but I think you left out something.."

Mordecai looked a bit fearsome. "W-what?"

The man evilly smiled and held up his hand. "I have control over your best friends' lives!"

"LEAVE OUR FRIENDS ALONE!" Muscle Man yelled as he tackled the man to the ground, causing the El Paco Taco employees to watch in awe.

Muscle Man held down the man while Mordecai stood above him.

"If you hurt our friends-"

"You guys are the REAL losers!" The man cried. "You think having a best friend is better than anything, don't ya? DON'T YA?"

"We sure do, bro!" Muscle Man said as he punched him in the face.

"AAAAAAGH, THAT'S IT!" The man yelled as he grew about 5 feet taller, growing about 2 heads taller than Mordecai. "**Not only am I gonna end your friends' lives, I'm gonna end ALL of your lives! ALL OF THEM! HAHAHAHAHA OW!" **

Muscle Man had thrown a burrito at the man. "Hahaha! All you can eat, baby!"

The man rubbed his face. "What the heck, man, you kinda hurt me! Agh, stupid burrito.."

All of a sudden, Muscle Man whispered something into Mordecai's ear. They nodded to each other and Mordecai went to tell the employees the secret plan.

Muscle Man looked up to the man. "Look bro, I kinda thought about it, and...Mordecai was totally wrong for insulting you like that."

The man raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yeah.." He looked and saw that Mordecai and the employees were secretly working together so the crazy man wouldn't see him. "He probably doesn't want all of the money and stuff.."

The man quickly raised his hand. "Oh, so you'd like to see him gone, am I right?"

"Well, I dunno I-"

"Hey jerkface!" The man looked down to see Mordecai standing in front of something.

He angrily raised his eyebrows. "Huh? What the heck is going on here?"

"Oh nothing.."

Muscle Man walked over to Mordecai and looked up at the man. "Hey, bro, I thought I could do you a favor and get you some food to ease your anger and stuff."

He somewhat smiled. "Uh okay, that sounds good..."

"And you know who else likes to eat food to ease her anger?"

"Who?"

Muscle Man grinned. "MY MOM!" He and Mordecai stepped aside as the cannon shot dozens of bean burritos at the man, who seemed to feel pain from them.

"NOOO!" As the burritos continued to blast the man uncontrollably, they seemed to be burning the man's skin, causing him to shrink and shrink while screaming at the same time. He continued to shrink and shrink until he became nothing but a pile of dust. After all of that, he still had eyes and a mouth.

"You're all gonna regret this one day, REGRET IT!"

"Regret this!" Muscle Man and Mordecai said simultaneously as they turned on a vacuum so it would suck up the yelling pile of dust. The restaurant's inhabitants cheered for a bit until they all went back to their own lives.

Muscle Man rubbed the back of his neck, looking sad. "Sorry for almost falling for that guy's trick. I almost cost Fives AND Rigby their lives!"

Mordecai smiled. "It's okay, Muscle Man. Everyone wants money, it's natural. It's just wrong to replace your best friend with it."

"Amen to that, bro! Let's toast!" They each grabbed a burrito and held it up to the other.

"To bros," Mordecai started.

"To bros, bro!"

"Yeah!" They said as they cheered and ate their burritos.

"Maybe we should go back home," Mordecai stated, somewhat emotionless. "They're probably missing us like crazy by now."

Muscle Man chuckled. "Let 'em cry then. We still got stuff to do!"

"Like what?"

Muscle Man smiled. "We can go to the arcade and beat some high scores! Well, only if you want to...bro."

Mordecai smiled. "Sure, bro, let's go."


	30. PopsXEileen

**~30th crack pairing: Pops and Eileen~**

"Papa, why must I go to the doctor today?" Pops asked his father next to him in their limousine. "I feel oh-so splendid, I don't feel sick at all."

"How many times do I gotta tell you, boy?" Maellard irritably replied, taking the pipe out of his mouth to drink a glass of wine. "You're going to the doctor for a checkup, and I don't wanna hear any whining about it-"

"But papa!" Pops cried, causing the driver to glance back. "I'm terribly scared of the doctor! What if they peep inside my head and maple-jam up my wonderful sense of imagination and joy!"

Maellard simply stared blankly at his son. Pops' 'Pops-ish' behavior was nothing new to him. He simply looked forward and sipped more of his wine.

"They're doctors, boy, they know what they're doing, now pipe down!"

Pops looked out the window with the saddest puppy face you'd ever see. His eyes grew two sizes bigger when he noticed the building with the red plus sign on it. When they were right next to it, the limo stopped smack right in front of the building.

"Be a good boy now!" Maellard said as he forced his son out of the limo, and boy, it couldn't have driven off any faster. Pops hung his head and walked inside the office.

As he walked in, he felt like he was walking into a haunted house. He somewhat whimpered at the sight of sick people, old folks in wheelchairs, even a whole family of four who were practically coughing up their organs...

"Can I help you sir?"

Pops suddenly noticed he was at a window. "Oh, umm...I'm Pops, I'm here for a checkup."

She looked at her paperwork. "Oh, you're that big-headed fella. Go ahead and have a seat-"

"Umm madam?" Pops shyly asked.

"Yeah?"

He twiddled his fingers a bit. "Will it be scary when I see the doctor?"

She chuckled. "You'll have to see when you go. Now take a seat and I'll call your name when it's time."

With that, he walked to the waiting area. Most of the seats were filled with people, and he couldn't find a seat. He kept walking down the line.

"You can sit here if you like."

He looked back and saw a girl pat down on a seat next to her, while smiling at the visibly scared lolli man. He walked to the chair and sat down.

"Oh my, thank you so very much miss..what is your name?"

"Eileen."

He shook her small, skinny hand. "I'm Pops."

"Pleasure to meet you!"

"Pleasure's all mine!" When they stopped shaking hands, things were a bit awkward for a moment. The two looked around a bit. Finally, Eileen awkwardly smiled and spoke up.

"So, what brings you to the doctor's office?"

He crossed his arms and hunched with fear. "My father recommended that I get a check up to check for boo-boos and whatnot."

"Wow, really?" She smiled. "That's why I'm here too."

"But why though?" He smiled at her. "You look perfectly healthy!"

"I probably am, but I always like to make sure the doctor confirms that I'm healthy. I go to get checkups twice a year, sometimes more depending on my allergies. You can never be too careful."

He put a hand to his chest with fear. "Oh my, does he tell you if any wormies or tiny little buggies are crawling around in your inner systems?"

She giggled. "Not to me. Luckily, I haven't had a problem like that yet. But with their technology, I'm sure they do it for most people."

"Oh, Ms. Eileen," He hunched over his seat with sadness. "I've been quivering with fear ever since I found out I had to get a checkup. Whenever I hear the word 'doctor', my hands start to shake like mini maracas shaking in the moonlight."

"Hmm," She thought aloud. "Sounds like you have a bad case of iatrophobia."

Pops' face went a bit blank. "I ah whatta?"

She smiled. "The fear of doctors."

"Oh." He nodded. "Then yes, yes, I do have that! In fact, I've always feared doctors for as long as I can remember."

"Really?" She asked, intrigued. "You still have the fear even when you go every so often?"

"I haven't been to the doctors since I first came to town, and it was so long ago that I can't remember it," He said. "Where I come from, doctors are just a fairy tale, but the bad kind. In the stories I've heard all of my life, doctors are evil wizards who hold innocent citizens hostage and take away all of their clothing and suck their organs up with one of those sucking up contraptions."

"A vacuum?"

He nodded. "Oh yes, that's the one." He looked shook his head with sadness. "I fear these doctors will do the same to all of us."

She rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm sorry, Pops, but I think those stories misled you."

"Come again?"

"Doctors are our friends," She said with a proud smile. "They just want to see us happy and healthy and make sure that no diseases or infections can get in the way of that. I remember when I went to my first checkup and I was scared of the doctor at first, but once I was finished, I couldn't remember why I was so scared in the first place."

He took her hands. "You are so very brave, Eileen! You have the amazing courage that I wish I could have!"

"You can have it too, Pops, I believe in you." She smiled.

He smiled, tears in his eyes. Suddenly, he roped Eileen in for a bear hug, giggling with glee. "No one has ever been that amiable with me before! I feel a little less afraid now!"

She hugged him back, blushing. "I'm happy to hear that."

"Pops?" The lady at the window called. "The doctor wants to see you now."

Pops stopped the hugging and instantly felt that scared feeling again. "Oh, oh my. Okay.." He somewhat walked slowly to the door that would lead him into the doctor's rooms.

"You can do it, Pops, try to be strong like a wrestler!"

"Indeed!" He happily replied, still scared as ever, but loved the fact she mentioned that word.

_It would be so splendid if she knew I was a wrestler!_

He walked inside the door where he was instantly greeted by a doctor.

"Hello Pops."

Pops instantly flinched. "Ummm, h-h-hello sir.."

The doctor smiled. "Don't worry, Pops, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm Dr. Winnerberg."

Pops giggled and shook the man's hand. "Your name is quite eccentric, I must add."

He chuckled and nodded. "I think the same thing. C'mon, let's start that checkup."

After having Pops be weighed, take urine samples, check temperatures and whatnot, they were back in the doctor's room. Pops sat on the tissue paper bed while Winnerberg finished the paperwork for Pops' file on the clipboard.

"You've been great so far." He said, nodding. Pops smiled and blushed, thinking of the girl that helped him.

_All thanks to that sweet little mole creature! Oh, I could just hug her all day and-_

"We've only got one more thing to do and you're free to go."

He smiled and turned his head sideways with curiosity. "What ever may that thing be?"

"It says on your file that you haven't gotten an influenza vaccine in..wow, I don't think you've ever had one according to this."

Pops scratched his head, giving a blank face. "A flutie-what now?"

Winnerberg chuckled. "It's a flu shot."

"Shot?" Pops shuddered with fear again. "But I don't want a shot!"

"You have to have one, Pops, it's required when you get a checkup." He replied. "Don't worry, it's a good thing. It'll help strengthen your immune system so you won't get sick as easily." The doctor finished and looked back at Pops and saw he was in a bit of a fetal position, tearing up.

"I'm afraid of needles, doctor! I can't, I just can't!"

This wasn't anything new to Winnerberg. Most people have a fear for needles, but there's plenty of methods to try..

"Do you have any friends, Pops?"

He looked up and nodded. "Why yes, I have many!"

"Any of them here or nearby?"

"Well I-" He stopped, and thought of her. "Oh yes, I do have a friend right here! She's getting a checking up like me!" He got up quickly walked to look around the area. "Eileen? Eileen?"

"Pops?"

He turned to his right and looked down to see Eileen.

"Oh, Eileen, I need your help very badly indeed!"

She awkwardly smiled. "Are you afraid of getting one of these?" She said as she pointed to a pink flamingo bandage on her arm.

He flinched. "Oh my! Did you fall and get a booboo?"

"I got a flu shot. They put the bandage there to help stop the bleeding."

"Bleeding?" Pops was scared crapless now.

"Pops, are you ready?" Winnerberg called out. Eileen smiled and grabbed Pops' arm.

"I'll go with you to make sure you'll be okay."

He awkwardly started walking to the room again. "Okay..."

While Winnerberg prepared the shot, Eileen stood next to Pops and smiled.

"You'll do fine, Pops, I promise."

"Oh, are you surely sure sure?"

She nodded. "Sure as ever."

"Okay, Pops, let's get started." He gave the doctor his arm when he asked for it. He proceeded to roll up the sleeve and pop his arm for veins. All of a sudden, Eileen grabbed Pops' other hand and held it tight, squeezing it gently.

He smiled at her. "Your hand is quite welcoming!"

"Aww, I'm glad you think that." She noticed that the doctor was seconds away from inserting the needle into Pops' arm.

"What memories do you have from the native land you're from?"

"Oh, very many," Pops smiled reminiscently. "You may not believe it, dear, but back in my day, I used to be a wrestling champ! Yes indeed, I'd whop and chop men down to their bee's knees, and we'd all have a celebration atop the bleachers!"

"Alright, Mr. Fighter, you're all done." Winnerberg said as he put a camo-colored bandage on his arm.

"Huh?" Pops questioned. "But doctor, I didn't feel the shot at all!"

He smiled and nodded. "You have your friend here to thank for that." He motioned to Eileen.

Pops looked confused for a moment, but then smiled once again. "Oh my, I survived the shot!" He roped Eileen in for another squeezey bear hug. "Oh Eileen, my sweet, I can never thank you enough!"

"P-pops," She choked. "I-I can't b-breathe-"

He noticed this and let the girl down, blushing a bit. "I'm sorry for that, I'm just so happy for your help!"

She blushed and smiled. "It's okay, I love hugs, especially yours."

Soon after, they both walked out of the building and walked down the sidewalk, both happy as ever, especially Pops.

"Oh, I am just so happy as a happy pappy!" He chirped. "I don't even remember what I was talking about prior to this."

Eileen grinned. "You were talking about your bad boy days of wrestling."

"Ah yes!" He giggled. "Oh, there are just so many stories I could tell, you'd be utterly impressed!"

"I'd love to hear them."

He grabbed her hand. "Well then, let's chat somewhere that's absolutely pleasant and exhilarating!"

"We can watch the high school kids wrestle outside the skating rink." She suggested.

"What a fantastic idea!" With that, they headed off towards the rink.

On the way, Pops remembered that his father would be coming to pick him up.

_What if he becomes concerned about my whereabouts?_

He soon shook the thought off and smiled.

_I'm sure he'll be fine. He wanted me to get out of the house more anyway..._


	31. DeathXSkips

_I saw this one requested a lot. Enjoy :)_

**~31st crack pairing: Death and Skips~**

It was now evening on a worknight, and Skips angrily skipped to the cart, driving off to...somewhere...anywhere but the park.

Usually, Skips is able to handle the varied stresses of work, but today had to be the worst day he's ever endured, well...atleast in recent times.

Oh no, it wasn't because of Mordecai and Rigby, not even Muscle Man and Fives, it was the people of the park. Everything was going fine until afternoon hit and literally all of the people began damaging park property. It got so bad that it was on the news, causing Maellard to come by without notice.

After reprimanding Benson and a few of the others, he REALLY blew himself up at Skips, remembering that he 'is supposed to know the reasons for these kooky situations'. Unfortunately, Skips told him he had no idea.

He wasn't lying either! He figured it had something to do with the full moon that would arrive that night.

This excuse alone caused Maellard to go batso on poor Skips...

Maellard had finally left an hour before Skips left, after all of the damage was cleaned up. Now Skips was driving the cart out of the park to...anywhere.

He drove towards the woods, where he always went if he ever got upset or just plain mad. He was more than mad right now, he was..incredibly livid!

He stopped the cart in his usual spot. He got out and suddenly started grunting and angrily punching the ground, pretending it was Mr. Maellard. After a minute of this, he stopped. He didn't feel all that relieved. He wished he had a punching bag or something with more solid matter.

Then he looked more to his right and noticed a tree with a picture of a donkey with pin holes taped on, probably left over from a kid's party.

Skips evily smiled.

_Describes Maellard perfectly.._

With that, he skipped to the picture and punched it with all his might. He growled angrily. After he was punching for quite a bit, he stopped to catch his breath, but he still glared up at the picture.

"You think you can talk to me like that after all the years I worked for you?" He started to clench his fists. He felt the rage hit again and he punched the picture with all of his might, causing the tree to fall over backwards, leaing Skips to catch his breath once again.

"Go die in a dark hole you piece of waste..." He darkly muttered. All of a sudden, he saw a portal open, and out came someone he REALLY didn't want to see at the moment..or at all.

"Ello Skips!" The deep british voice belong to no one else but...**Death**.

Skips glared up at him. "What the heck do you want, Death?"

"Ooh~" Death cooed and raised his hands in defense. "Why ya so pitiful all of a sudden, Skippy?"

Skips crossed his arms. "I don't have to tell you nothin'."

"Why not? Afraid I'll make ya day more worse than it already is?"

Skips looked away. "Nothing can make my day any worse than it already is..."

Death suddenly appeared next to Skips and nodded, gently patting his shoulder. "Yes, yes, common bad day, huh mate?"

Skips shook the bony hand off of his shoulder. "Quit talkin' to me like we're buddies or somethin'."

"Are we not?" He grinned. "I thought we 'ad somethin' special." He chuckled a bit.

Skips frowned. "I ain't in the joking mood, Death. I'm serious. Unless you know a way that can help my problem, stay away from me." He started to skip off, but Death appeared in front of Skips.

"But I thought you knew all about this kinda trouble, Skippy. Why ya askin' fuh my help all of a sudden? You do know everything, do ya not?"

Skips was suspicious of Death's interest in his life, but he played along.

"When I say I know everything...I uh.." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know every single thing, I just know about uh...99% of it all, give or take."

Death nodded. Part of him wanted to gloat in Skips's face, making him feel worse for his own pleasure like he always does.

But Skips was actually admitting his faults, to his own enemy for pete's sakes! Death was quite impressed.

_It takes a real man to admit his own quirks, I say..._

Death went to sit on the fallen tree. "Well, I'm all ears, Skips. Have a sit?" He motioned for Skips to sit down next to him. He skipped to the seat and hunched over.

"The park visitors started goin' crazy this afternoon. They kept damagin' park property and knocking down statues, fountains and...things like that. I had to keep pullin' kids and girls off each other cuz they kept biting each other." He stopped when he heard Death giggle.

"What's so funny?"

"Uh, sorry, just a joke I remembered from earlier, and it just came to mah head."

Skips just stared blankly at him.

"Sorry, go on."

"Anyway...it got so bad, that we had to call the cops and..everything just turned into a big mess."

Death mentally smiled.

_My plan worked! I got him angry as a vegan tiger! I'mma have a chuckle 'bout this later, for sure!_

"Wow, that's...actually quite awful." He sat up. "And I'm the king of awful if there ever was one!"

Skips twiddled with a twig while he continued.

"Then my boss's boss comes and yells his brains out at me cuz I don't know what caused the mayhem, callin' me names and makin' me feel like dirt.."

Death was about to just full-out laugh, but when he saw the ashamed look on Skips's face, he...felt that emotion he hadn't felt in about a hundred years, give or take. He's gotten more used to deling with the issues with corpses.

Death decided to speak up. "Well, maybe it could be the full moon, yeah?" He pointed up to the sky and there it was, a crisp, beautiful full moon.

Skips looked down with sadness. "He didn't take that for an answer. He thought I was makin' excuses."

"What's that twat know?" Death suddenly blurted out. "What, does he control the status of all these people?"

Skips chuckled. "You do more than he does."

"Exactly. Who's he think he is, mate? If his swollen bum head don't know what happened, he don't got the right to tell you what YOU don't know!"

Skips's face was nothing but startled. "Wow..Death, you get...pretty emotional."

"Huh?" Death waved him off. "Nah, I just speak the truth, what are you talkin' about heheh.."

It got awkward when Skips was still blankly staring at him.

Death shrugged. "What? Just cuz I'm dead don't mean I can't give off emotions. I'm...sorta a living thing, ya know."

Skips smiled. "I like that. It shows you got some sympathy in that black heart o' yours.."

"Yeah, I suppose I do, heh..." Things were definitely getting awkward now. Death began to feel a bit of heat on his face.

"Hey," Skips looked at his face. "How come you're blushin'?" He didn't answer, he looked away. "Death? What's up with ya-"

"I did it."

Skips raised an eyebrow. "Did what?"

"Everything. The people, the madness, all of it, Skips." He was looking at Skips now.

Skips glanced around. "What do you mean?"

Death played with his hair a bit. "Well, there wasn't supposed to be a full moon tonight..I kinda twinged the cycle a bit.."

"That's nonsense." Skips chuckled. "No one goes crazy from a full moon, that's just a myth."

"Really? Why did ya use it as an excuse then?"

Skips shrugged. "Because most people believe the myth."

Death patted Skips's shoulder. "And their belief is true!" He stood up, walking back and forth.

"Most of the reason was because I..well, love to cause some trouble among you mortals. That's nothing new to you, of course, eh?"

Skips nodded, still keeping his serious face on.

"But...I thought, instead of causing it around town, I could cause it in that park where you work."

"Why? What do you got against me, Death? Is it the whole arm wrestlin' thing?"

"No, Skips.."

"The bowling tournament?"

"No no, it's, I-"

"Or is it because I embarassed you in front of the tooth fairy that time-"

"Skips!" Death raised a hand up to Skips, motioning him to be quiet. Skips soon kept quiet.

"Look, them things you mentioned are dead and gone to me, I've held the grudges and I've let 'em go, simple as that."

He sat back down next to Skips, and looked at him.

"This is bonkers, I know..but..I like to see you get angry."

Skips's eyes became bigger than china plates. "Huh?"

"One thing I enjoy is adrenaline. I don't really have time to get much of it, you know? People die every minute, so I'm always doin' the same ol' job day after day.."

Skips felt Death's pain. This was how he felt at work sometimes..

_Never thought I could relate to Death when it comes to work...or anything for that matter.._

"Doin' things like what I did to you all this afternoon...that's like a rush for me, I felt like a little piggie in a mud bath."

Skips chuckled, even though the person chatting with him was the cause of his bad day.

"But...like I said.." He put a hand on Skips's shoulder and squeezed it. "It's so exhilarating to see you get mad, you know? I mean, I apologize for the bad day and all but...I'm just tellin' you the truth."

"Why tell me the truth at all?" Skips questioned. "You're usually not open like this."

Death smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess when you admitted that you didn't know everything...I figured I'd come clean myself."

"Hey, I still know mostly everything." Skips grinned.

"If ya say so, Skippy." All of a sudden, Death's motorcycle appeared. "Anywho, I'mma head outta this dreaded place. Need a ride back to that park?"

"Nah, not at the moment." He smiled. "But I wouldn't mind a ride around town."

"Sure, Skips, no problem."

"On one condition," He took a seat on the front of the bike, holding the handles. "I'm drivin'."

With that, Death sat in the back of Skips, holding onto him. "Alright then, hope you can handle it."

Skips began to drive the bike out of the forest and into town. They went nowhere specific...just driving around freely.

They both noticed and slightly blushed at the fact that Death had his arms perfectly wrapped around Skips's flawless abs, while he had his head on the yeti's back.

They didn't care though, they still kept their positions. There was nothing anyone could say that could make Skips's or Death's day worse..

Nothing..


	32. MordecaiXGBF

**~32nd crack pairing: Mordecai and GBF~**

To Rigby, last night was so awesome you could scream! But...to Mordecai? Not so much..

It was Monday morning, and Mordecai didn't really feel like getting out of bed.

_Note to self; never go to a party on a Sunday ever again.._

"Who knows," Rigby said, standing next to the bed. "Maybe Benson'll let me chill here with you 'til you get better."

"Dude, there's no point in asking him, you know he's gonna say no." Mordecai weakly said.

"I bet you five bucks he'll say yes, pull out your wallet!"

"No, Mordecai needs his rest." Benson said, standing at the door. "And I expect you to work extra hard since you won't have him around. Understood?"

"Okay, I get it." Rigby said.

"And Mordecai, I expect you to stay in that bed, and don't even think about getting up to go anywhere, cuz I'll be checking up on you from time to time."

"What if I have to go to the bathroom?"

Benson irritably sighed. "Yes, you can get up for that, but ONLY that. As far as food and water, Pops made some toast and chicken broth to help with your symptoms." As he said this, he pulled out a tray from nowhere that supported the bowl of broth, glass of water and plate of toast and put it on the nightstand.

Mordecai smiled. "Thanks, Benson."

"Don't get too comfortable," Benson said with a serious tone. "Once you're better, you've got a lot of work to look forward to. I'll be checking up on you later." Without another word, he left the room and closed the door behind him.

Mordecai grinned and held his wing out. "Hm hm, I guess you should pull out **YOUR **wallet."

"Ugh... you just got lucky!" Rigby said as he handed him the five-dollar bill.

Mordecai happily took the bill, but stopped and thought of something, something that could enhance this day off...

He reached under his pillow and pulled out a bill.

"What's that for?" Rigby asked.

"Dude, I don't want Benson hovering over me the whole day, and uh.." He looked around and had a somewhat bored look on his face. "I don't wanna be stuck in bed doing nothing, you know?"

"But you told Benson about how the Fizzy Delites screwed your stomach up, and how you had too many chicken wings and that you-"

"Okay okay, I know!" Mordecai interrupted. "I still feel kinda ill and all, but not enough to lay in bed all day! I could've worked with this, but..I don't know, I just wanted a day off."

"What? No fair!" Rigby angrily said. "I should've told Benson that I was sick too! Agh, now I'll never be able to use the same excuse again!"

"That doesn't matter, Rigby, cuz I got something better.." Mordecai said as he held up the bill. "I'll give you twenty bucks and I'll give you your other five dollars back if you keep Benson busy."

"'Busy'?"

"You know, distract him, slack off to the extreme, make him mad, the usual. Just please try to keep him and the others away from the house, atleast until later on."

Rigby happily took the twenty-five bucks, and smiled a sly smile. "It's a deal, Mordie! I got a plan!"

"Awesome! Oh, and tell them that you've been checking up on me and that I'm sound asleep, and that I don't wanna be disturbed, got it? Got it?"

"Okay, jeez! I'll try!" He started walking out the door. "It won't be easy though.."

Once the loud raccoon left, Mordecai's eyes started to flutter. He decided he would lay his head back down on the pillow, so he could get some well-deserved sleep..

...

_"Liar...liar..."_

_Mordecai jumped, looking behind him. "W-who's there? Come out, I-I'm not afraid!"_

_"You...liar..."_

_"Huh?" Mordecai had a confused face. "I-I'm not a liar!"_

_"Yeees you are.." The deep voice continued. "How DARE you? You lie to your boss and then bribe your best friend just so you could be alone...you poooor sooooul..."_

_Mordecai shook a bit, feeling a bit guilty. "I-I-I just wanted a day off, man, I wasn't trying to do anything wrong!"_

_All of a sudden, something that looked about 12 feet tall appeared in front of Mordecai. When he looked up, his eyes almost became the size of bowling balls._

_"B-B-Benson?"_

_There he stood, face red as a tomato and glaring down at Mordecai._

_"Liar..." The voice was now Benson's, but with a much more disturbing sound to it._

_"Benson, I'm sorry! I-I was sick, I needed a day off!"_

_"YOUR EXCUSES ARE WORTHLESS TO ME NOW! YOOOOOU'RE FIRED!"_

_"NO!" Mordecai got on his knees to beg, tearing up a bit. "Please! Please don't fire me! I won't lie again, I swear!"_

_"Lie once, you'll lie forever!" He all of a sudden grabbed up a screaming Mordecai and took him to a boiling pot of lava._

_"No! Put me down, PLEASE!"_

_"Liars must pay..." Benson's voice now turned satanic, his eyes were now fiery red. "Liars must pay.."_

_Mordecai was so close to the lava, that he could already feel the burning steam. "No! No! NOOOOOOOO-"_

_..._

"NO!" Mordecai shot up from his bed, waking up in a cold sweat and panting. Once he stopped, he looked around, still in his own room, safe and sound.

Mordecai rubbed his head. "Man, what a nightmare. It felt so real.."

"Ha. It looked real."

Mordecai jumped with fear and looked to where the voice came from. He shrieked and fell off the bed, looking up at the familiar face.

"G-g-g-GBF?"

"Yes, it's me." GBF smiled.

Mordecai squinted his eyes. "I-I think I'm still dreaming, it can't be you..."

"You're awake, fool! And it is me, live in the flesh-"

"It can't be!" Mordecai interrupted, standing up. "You exploded after we beat your score on Broken Bones!"

The giant head guffawed a bit and looked at the bird. "I'm not really a mortal being, kid. I control my own fate. I can explode or die whenever I want. I ALWAYS end up living, regardless."

Mordecai now had that 'deer-in-headlights' face. "Uh-uh okay then.."

Things were awkward for a second.

"So..why are you here?"

GBF looked around a bit in thought. "I don't know. Yesterday I was playing a video game with a buddy of mine. He killed me, 1454 to 390!"

Mordecai chuckled. "That is pretty bad."

"Yeah well, he's got good luck on his shoulders, so what?" GBF rolled his eyes. "Anyway, the moment I had that big loss made me think of when you and your friend beat me senseless. So, I guess I just ended up here and now...here I am...Garrett Bobby Ferguson..in the flesh.."

Mordecai held a blank face, then shook his head. "I-I need some water." He went to the tray on his nightstand and took a drink of water and ate some of the toast. GBF looked around his room. He suddenly felt curious and...maybe wanted to learn more about the bird.

But he didn't know why...

"So..what's going on? How's life and all that?"

Mordecai wiped some crumbs off his face and sat on the window sill. "Nothing really, just chillaxing."

"Where's that friend of yours?"

"He's working down there in the park. We both have jobs working here, and this is where we stay."

GBF raised an eyebrow. "So what..you taking a day off or something?"

"Well...yeah, kinda..I'm taking a 'sick' day.."

GBF chuckled. "I bet it was hard to lie to the boss about that."

"It wasn't really lying. I got kinda sick from the food I ate at this party last night. It's really not that bad, but.." He looked out the window. "How can he possibly expect me to work on an awesome day like this?"

GBF looked outside as well. The trees danced to the wind, the sun glistened, it was really pleasant-looking weather for a Monday.

"I agree..." He thought of something. "We should both go out into nature...and hit the nearest arcade! You know, to see if you still have that winning spark in you!"

"I would, but I can't. My boss'll kill me if he finds out I left the house."

GBF chuckled. "Jeez man, is he your wife or something?"

"Well no but-"

GBF extended his arm and put it on Mordecai's shoulder, like most people do when they're giving the other person a pep talk or some advice.

"Look, we can only live life once...well, you can anyway...so why spend your time living under 'the man's' rule? You gotta let yourself go sometimes and take risks worth taking, man, you gotta live free like a bird!"

Mordecai rubbed the back of his neck. "Well..I did pay Rigby to keep everyone away from the house all day." He smiled at GBF. "Alright, let's go so I can kick your butt at Frenzy Plumbers."

They got up to leave the room. "Ha! In your dreams.."

...

Later on at the arcade, they'd already played 30 games, with Mordecai winning 18 of them. Luckily, they could rack up the scores all day since it was 'Money-Save Monday', where you pay for one game and play for free all day at any machine. It's the best deal since there were so many different prize cranes and games.

Right now, Mordecai and GBF were playing Pac Mice 2, and the score was tied.

"C'mon, Gary, you got this!" GBF told himself.

"Go on, mouse dude, get in the hole get in the hole get in the hole-" With that, Mordecai broke the tie and 'OOOH'd' with victory.

GBF crossed his arms and pouted. "You're lucky kids are still in school, otherwise I'd feel even more ashamed."

Mordecai shrugged. "Dude, it's not that bad, this stuff just takes practice. Besides, you got the highest score on that zombie golf game."

"Yeah, but it was for ages 6 and up, Mord, 6 and up for cryin' out loud!" He shook his head and chuckled. "I've lost so much of my skill since Broken Bones. I'm only making a bigger fool of myself." He frowned and looked down. "I might as well just forfeit."

Mordecai patted the top of the head. "C'mon Garrett, you can't beat yourself up like that. It's not about having skills or winning, it's about having fun. You're having fun, right?"

GBF looked at him and nodded. "Yeah...I am. I guess it's just the competitive part of me that comes out, heh." He looked around and saw a game that caught his eye, and he started heading towards it. "Oh hey, we haven't played this one yet."

Mordecai walked to where he was, and when he saw the game was called 'Lie Detector', he stopped, remembering earlier..

_Lie once, you'll lie forever...lie once, you'll lie forever...lie once-_

"C'mon, Mord, let's play!"

With that, Mordecai came back to Earth and cluelessly walked up to the game. It looked like a shooting game. It had two laser-like guns and a screen.

"What do we do?"

"It says we have to shoot as many liars as we can in a certain time limit."

Mordecai grimaced. "...Shooting liars? Like, killing them for lying?"

GBF chuckled a bit. "Yeah, it's kinda silly and mindless, but hey, isn't that the case with most video games?"

Mordecai shrugged and slightly smiled, trying the best he can to push that guilt out of his head for the moment. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

With that, they both picked up their laser guns.

"Well then," GBF started. "May the best gunman win!"

When they started, they initially realized that the game was DEFINITELY mindless. It's one of those games that parents would ban from the house because it would rot their childrens' brains.

Mordecai kept his focus at first, but hearing the 'liars' confess their fibs through the game caused him to let his guilt come back.

_Man, I can't believe myself! I'm usually okay holding back some lies, but this one is just...I don't know...I-I don't even know myself anymore, what was I thinking?..._

Meanwhile, GBF was beating Mordecai by 15 points. Mordecai was still shooting, but he was more focused on his thoughts, which GBF hasn't noticed yet.

_Lying about your secrets and stuff is one thing, but lying to Benson about being harshly sick? And BRIBING my best friend with money so he can keep people away from the house? So I could be selfishly ALONE? WHAT THE 'H' WAS I THINKING?_

Mordecai was now losing by 700 points, causing GBF to be concerned.

_I'm a horrible friend and person. I deserve the bad karma coming to me.._

He glanced at the bird. "Hey Mord, you alright?"

"Huh?" Mordecai jumped out of his thoughts, looking up at the screen again. "Sure, yeah."

GBF raised an eyebrow. "I don't think so, you're getting your butt kicked."

Mordecai looked at the score and shrugged carelessly, shooting more of the liars anyway.

GBF pressed the stop button on the game and looked at the bird.

"Hey, are you alright?" Mordecai still kept a gloomy face. "C'mon, talk to me. I know I seemed evil when you last saw me, but I'm actually cool and a good listener, really!"

Mordecai sighed and sat on top of the game next to 'Lie Detector'. "I just feel all...guilty and stuff.."

"It's about that whole sick charade, isn't it?"

Mordecai looked up at him. "How'd you know?"

GBF grinned. "I guess you could call me a mind reader."

"Whoa, are you?"

"Of course not! I didn't need to read your mind, I knew what was going on already."

Mordecai scratched his head. "I-I don't understand.."

"You told me all about your lying and bribing when we were back in your room earlier. Remember?"

Mordecai smiled, nodding. "You were right about being a good listener."

GBF smiled proudly. "I'm rarely wrong."

"But...what do I do about this stupid guilt on my shoulders? Half of me wants to tell the truth, but I don't wanna get in trouble and betray everyone."

"And lemme guess.." GBF replied. "The other half of you wants to keep it all a secret, but you don't wanna have to live with the guilt. Am I right?"

Mordecai stared blankly at him. "...Are you sure you're not a mind reader?"

GBF chuckled. "It's common sense, man, everyone gets like this when they face a huge lie. They're all conflicted and all that jazz."

He approached Mordecai and put his tiny hand on his shoulder.

"Listen, when it comes down to it, it's your choice if you wanna spill the beans or not. It just depends on how your conscience works." He smiled. "Yours seems pretty solid to me."

Mordecai smiled back, but GBF continued.

"But..if you want my opinion, I don't see any problem in keeping this whole thing a secret."

"Really?"

"Yeah! It's no different then lying to your mom about the ugly clothes you get for your birthday, or when you lie about your homework getting eaten by wildebeests. The truth isn't always a good thing, you know. Why do you think they have that saying, 'the truth hurts'?"

Mordecai nodded, agreeing with everything GBF was saying.

"They also say 'what they don't know won't hurt them'. Now the lie doesn't seem so major, does it?"

Mordecai looked up in thought. "Yeah, that all makes sense, I guess I never thought that deep about it before. " He smiled at the big head. "Thanks so much."

"Don't mention it. Now, wanna go try out those basketball games?"

"Sure I-" All of a sudden, Mordecai had an epiphany and looked at his random watch. "Crap, I can't. It's getting late and I don't think Rigby can stall the others for much longer."

"Ah man, you have to go now?...like...RIGHT now?" GBF was having so much fun. He didn't want Mordecai to go but..

"If I'm not in my bed feeling sick when my boss checks on me, he'll probably feed me to the fishes."

"Hmm," GBF nodded. "You better get home fast then."

With that, his arms and legs disappeared and he floated next to Mordecai.

"Hop on and I'll take you back, and make sure you hold on tight."

Mordecai hesitantly climbed on top of GBF and sat on top of his dark brown hair, holding onto the locks.

With that, GBF flew out of the arcade and flew high above traffic. Mordecai didn't know what to think. It was weird to realize that he's riding a giant head, but at the same time, it was all so cool and awesome in the most unique way possible.

After a little bit, Mordecai saw the house in view.

"Look, I can see the house from here!" He called out as he pointed to it.

It only took a few seconds for GBF to swiftly fly down towards the park. He started going slower when he reached the house and flew up to the bedroom window. Mordecai opened the window from the outside and hopped off of GBF, climbing inside. He smiled at him.

"Thanks so much, GBF...for everything. I totally owe ya one."

GBF smiled. "How 'bout we go and finish unfinished business at the arcade when you're..'feeling better'?"

Mordecai nodded. "It's a deal. I'll be over it in like a day."

"I better get going," GBF said as he fist pumped Mordecai. "Good luck with that bossy wife of yours."

Mordecai laughed. "I'll try."

With that, GBF flew off. Weirdly enough, Mordecai started to hear footsteps..

...and objects clinging to glass..

He quickly jumped back into bed, putting his 'ill face' and looking up at the ceiling. When the door opened, he looked over.

"Hey Benson.." He weakly said.

"Hey. I know Rigby's been checking up on you all day and he says you've been doing okay, but I just wanted to come and verify that."

Mordecai lightly nodded. "Yeah, I'm..I'm feeling a little better."

"I wasn't going to, but since you haven't been misbehaving or doing anything stupid, I'll allow you to take tomorrow off to recover."

Mordecai rubbed his eye. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I've had after-party sicknesses before, so I understand what you're feeling."

"Yeah, it sucks hard." Mordecai said, groaning a bit.

"Don't worry, after tomorrow you should be back to your normal self so you can come back to work. But for now, just get some more rest, alright?"

Mordecai smiled. "Okay, thanks again Benson."

Benson smiled as he exited the room and closed the door.

After he couldn't hear the gumballs clinging anymore, Mordecai sat up and rubbed his head, collecting his thoughts.

_GBF was right about everything! Bribing Rigby wasn't all that bad. He got some extra dough just so I could have a day off, AND he made sure no one would figure out what I was really doing._

_Not just that...but Benson ACTUALLY believed I was in bed all day? Not just that, but he gave me an extra day off?_

Mordecai smiled with pride and laid back on his pillow.

_One thing's for sure...lying has NEVER felt this good..and it was all thanks to an awesome giant bearded face..._


	33. MargaretXHigh Five Ghost

**~33rd crack pairing: Margaret and HFG~**

After work one day, Muscle Man and High Five Ghost decided to go eat at Wing Kingdom to celebrate the end of another excruciating work day. They sat at the soda bar.

"You know what tonight is, right bro?" Muscle Man asked, grinning.

"All you can eat wing night!" HFG chirped. "It's the best day of the week."

"Pfft, not just that. It's laaaadies night."

HFG raised an eyebrow. "So?"

"So? Maybe you can finally get yourself some action! And if you get more action than me, you gotta share it with me!"

"Action? You mean, getting girls?"

Muscle Man shrugged and grinned. "Yeah, what'd you think I meant?"

"But...you have Starla-"

"SHH!" Muscle Man angrily put a hand to HFG's mouth. "Shutup, I don't want the ladies to know that!"

HFG pushed his arm away and frowned. "I-I can't believe you..."

Muscle Man gave him a confused look. "What? What'd I do?"

"Dude! You're...you're t-trying to get another girl!"

Muscle Man shrugged. "Yeah, so what?"

HFG facepalmed himself and glared. "You..have..a girlfri-"

"SHH! I know that, Fives!" He looked around the restaurant to make sure no girls were watching him. "I'm just tryin' to..you know, live I guess."

"Live?"

"You know, like when people have something that sucks in their lives and they wanna go out and live a little. That's what I'm doing, bro."

"Dude, this isn't living a little, you're cheating on Starla!"

"No it's not! It's only cheating if she finds out about it. Hopefully, you'll be a good bro and keep this secret...please!"

HFG sighed. "I dunno.."

"Look, it's not like I'm actually trying to cheat on her. I'm a guy, I can't help it if I'm feeling the urge to get lucky with other hot ladies."

HFG still glared at his best friend. "It's called self-control."

Muscle Man widened his eyes. 'Self-control'. He knew darn well what that word meant, but..

"Well..what do you know?" Muscle Man crossed his arms. "You're just a ghost."

HFG gasped, feeling the stinging insult. He then gave a sour look to him. "I hope you get dumped, Muscle Fat." With that, he floated out.

Muscle Man shrugged his arms and glared back at him. "Whatever! I'll just pick the next lady waiting in line for me." He looked to his left and saw a tall brunette girl drinking a soda.

"Hey, hot stuff," He said with a suave tone. "How 'bout we exchange numbers?"

The girl said nothing, then threw the glass at him, walking off. The liquid fell down to Muscle Man's crotch. He hid the area, frowning.

"She was ugly anyway.."

...

HFG had stormed out of Wing Kingdom and now he was floating down the street, feeling hurt and conflicted. He figured he'd just go back to the park since his night was ruined as it is. Meanwhile, he practically had two angels on his shoulders, both telling him what to do about the situation with Muscle Man.

_Man, I should tell Starla about this crap! She can be really mean sometimes, but...but she doesn't deserve a broken heart!_

After a bit, a new thought came to mind.

_Well, Muscle Man's a d-bag sometimes, but..I don't wanna hurt his feelings either. He's doing something wrong, but..but I just can't..I don't know if I can tell her! He's my best friend and I don't want him to lose trust in me or anything but..._

"Gah!" HFG slammed his forehead. "What do I do?"

"No no!"

HFG jumped out of his thoughts when he heard a faint voice coming from somewhere. It sounded like a woman desperate for help. He kept floating down the sidewalk to follow the noise. He was getting closer and closer to the source of whatever he was hearing. He began to hear a male voice now. He looked around and noticed the alley on the right, where he heard low echoes.

_Maybe it's in here..._

As soon as he reached the alley, he glanced around and discreetly and floated quietly into the alley. It was dark except for a small lamppost hanging on the building. There he heard the noises. HFG continued down.

All he had to do was go a little further, and he'll find out what's going on once and for all-

"Get off, Jonzie!"

"Not 'til you agree to go out with me again."

HFG looked ahead, and there he saw two figures, a very large, muscley shadow dominating the thin, curvy shadow, who continued to struggle. He continued to listen and watch out of curiousity.

"Stop strugglin', darlin', just go out with me again and I'll save you the broken appendages."

"NO! I caught you sucking face with my best friend's sister AND you denied it! I'll NEVER go back out with you ever again, you jerk!"

"Oh, we're playing this game now, huh?"

As the girl struggled, he started to pull hard on her wing.

She started to whimper as he started to twist it. "No, nononono please don't.."

"Look Maggie baby, I love you, I don't wanna do this to you, but you don't give me any other choice. I'm not just gonna let you dump me because I swapped a little spit with some chick."

She was still whimpering. "P-please, please don't break my arm, Jon, please!"

HFG couldn't take it anymore. He definitely didn't wanna see this mystery girl get severly injured before his eyes. He started to quietly float toward the shadows.

"It's alright, Maggie-bear, you might only end up with one working arm, but we'll be together! We'll get married, have kids, and I can stay with you forever and ever and-AGH!"

Jonzie fell to the ground after a swift punch in the face. He even spit out a few teeth. Margaret looked with horror down at her ex, then at the floating hero. She was speechless.

"Who do you think you are?" Jonzie yelled up at the ghost, sounding weird since he lost some of his teeth.

"I think I just saved this girl's life. How dare you try to hurt a girl like that, or ANY girl for that matter!"

Jonzie couldn't help but laugh at the ghost. "This isn't the 50s, pal. We don't owe women any respect, they owe us big men some respect!"

HFG glared daggers at the muscley man. "That's not true and it never will be."

"Oh what do you know, huh? You've probably never had a girlfriend in your life! Am I right ghostie-AGH!"

He fell face down onto the ground, definitely going into an unconscious state thanks to another blow to the head by HFG the hero. He floated over to the girl, still having trouble seeing her because of the vacant lighting in the alley.

"Are you okay?"

She slowly walked up to him. "Yeah, I-I'll be fine. C-can we get out of here, I-I can't be here anymore.."

He gently took her wing. "Sure, just hold on and walk with me."

After they were out of the dark alley, HFG was surprised with a hug.

"Oh my gosh, I-I can't thank you enough, mister.."

He blushed. "I-I'm High Five Ghost, Fives for short, o-or HFG heheh.."

She smiled and looked at him. "I'm Margaret."

They started to walk. HFG rubbed the back of his neck. "I-I uh..want me to uh, help you home? Or did you need to go to the hospital or uh.."

"Thanks to you, I don't need to go to the hospital. I probably would've been dead if you hadn't been there." She rubbed her wing. "All I need to do is go home and rest and I'll be just fine."

HFG had a depressed face. "I'm sorry about..whatever happened between you two, it must've been a big mess."

She sighed. "Yeah, I should've ended it all for good the first time he cheated.."

"What? 'First time'? He's done this to you before?"

She looked away, wiping a tear and nodding.

HFG felt himself boil. He couldn't believe anyone would wanna hurt this sweet girl. He wanted to kick that jerkface Jonzie right in his chin!

"Y-you deserve so much better, Margaret."

She smiled at him. "Thanks, Fives. You deserve someone amazing in your life as well."

He looked away and secretly blushed. He couldn't understand why he was feeling like this over a girl he just met. Maybe it was because he hadn't had a girlfriend in a long long while..

Or maybe this girl is just that amazing..

They stopped once they finally reached Margaret's apartment door.

"You'll be okay, right?"

She giggled. "Definitely now that I have my own knight in shining armor." They both shared a couple giggles.

He smiled and thought. "I don't know, I kinda see myself more as a superhero, don't ya think?"

After he said this, Margaret leaned in and kissed the ghost right on the lips, sweetly grinning at him afterwards as he watched the ghost blush like crazy.

"Either way, you saved my life...and that's more than any man has ever done for me."

HFG now felt that excited but anxious feeling, like as if his stomach was dancing around. He wanted to talk to the beautiful bird some more, but..he just felt so shy, awkwardly smiling at her. She pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and started to write.

"It's been a rough night. Maybe we should both get some rest.." She folded the slip of paper and handed it to him. "Call me sometime and we can hang out or something."

He blushed and smiled big. "Y-yeah, I will! I'll call you tomorrow afternoon!"

She smiled. "Sounds good. Goodnight, my hero." He smiled and nodded as she closed the door.

HFG opened up the slip of paper and studied it as if it were a diamond. He held it close to him and smiled at the door, dreamily sighing.

"Goodnight...my sweet, beautiful diamond..."


	34. MordecaiXPops

_A.N.: I'm back! I plan to write more of these once my classes end soon. Nothing's set in stone, but I'll do my best. I didn't really abandon any of my stories, it's just my adult life getting in the way and not letting me write like I used to (If you're a kid wishing you could grow up, word of advice: enjoy your youth. Growing up sucks, period. :/ )_

_Anywho, I'm gonna tape my mouth up now and let you enjoy this chappie! Dedicated to Mordecai and Pops fans everywhere :)_

**~34th crack pairing: Mordecai and Pops~**

Just like she'd said she would at the coffee shop, Margaret and a few friends were indeed hanging out at the park on a nice sunny Wednesday. The weather was so perfect, you could ask your crush out in the most romantic way possible.

That's exactly what Mordecai planned to do, playing words out in his head as he took his rake off to where his dream girl would be. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered stronger and stronger with every step he took, but he was gonna do it this time, he was!

_Just do it, just do it, man. What's the worst she could say anyway? Say no and chase me away with my own rake?_

He stopped, dropping the rake and continuing on. He wasn't gonna take any chances.

_Cool, her friends are walking away. Now I can ask her out in private...or embarass myself in front of one girl instead of four. Oh crap, was I gonna ask if I could simply date her or if she wanted to come with me to that restaurant-_

"Hey Mordecai!"

He stopped dead in his tracks, putting on a goofy smile for the girl that was right in front of him. "H-hey Margaret! Uh...I-I didn't think you'd actually come today, I'm surprised!" _What the..really? God, you idiot...why'd you say that?_

"I know, I wasn't sure if I could! But my manager said we could all take the day off since it's been such a slow week."

He nervously laughed. "Yeah, haha. I wish my boss would do that for us.."

He mentally smacked himself. _Stay on task, dude!_

"But uh anyway...I was just coming by to, you know, ask you if you..you know, wanted to...g-go..school shopping with me..?"

She gave a weird look. "School shopping?"

He realized what he'd said and nearly freaked out. "N-no, I-I meant to say umm..umm.."

He noticed that she was giving him an uneasy face, and suddenly, his nerves began to take it easy. There was no use in being afraid anymore. He sighed, deciding to 'cut to the chase'.

"Look, Margaret...I just...wanted to ask you out, okay? You know, if we can be...you know..."

She slightly smiled. "Boyfriend and girlfriend?"

He happily nodded. "Yeah, yeah! So...what do you say, heh?"

He expected her to give the biggest smile ever and happily accept, but...she gave the complete opposite and lightly sighed with disappointment.

"I can't, Mordecai. I'm sorry."

His heart sunk, and his face showed it. "W-what? But...but I really like you!"

"Yeah, but-"

"Is it because there's another guy? Look Margaret, I've liked you for a long time, like...REALLY like you, almost to the point where it's true love! I bet this other dude doesn't understand you like I do!"

"Mordecai-"

"I mean, I've been shy everytime I hang around you because...you know, I've always had this huge crush on you, ever since me and Rigby first walked in to the coffee shop and I saw you there..taking orders and you...gave that beautiful smile.."

Her face looked a bit afraid. "Mordecai, please!-"

"A-and the reason I threw out that menu that one time was because..well, I-I was drawing you in a bikini and I didn't want you to see and-"

"MORDECAI!" She yelled as she shook him. "Please, please..just stop!"

He gave a questionable look. "Stop what?"

"Just...just let me talk..alright?" He stayed quiet. "To be honest, I-I can't see anything happening between us like that. I like you a lot, Mordecai, don't get me wrong, but..I'd prefer that we stay friends. I would go out with you in a heartbeat, but I don't wanna mess up our friendship or anything like that."

"So what now?" Mordecai was a bit angered and hurt. "You're gonna go out with some macho jerk that only cares about your body and not your brains and true beauty?"

She glared a bit. "You don't have to be so judgemental about all this-"

"It's not fair!" He balled his fists, seething a bit. "Nice guys are the ones that should finish first, not the muscley d-bags that couldn't care less about a girl's feelings! Why can't it be like Shy Guy where the good guy gets the girl and the bad guy gets nothing but a well-deserved punch to the face!"

She looked uneasy again, but tried to calm him a bit. "Please, Mordecai, it doesn't have to be like this, you'll find another girl that'll love you and-"

"I DON'T WANT ANOTHER GIRL!" He'd yelled so loud that the park visitors were looking at him. He sighed and glared at Margaret. "Forget this." He proceeded to run away, hiding his face.

"Mordecai, wait!" She called after him. She looked down with disappointment. All of a sudden, a man came up in front of her.

"Oh my," He looked towards where he ran. "Is Mordecai alright?"

She looked up. "You know him?"

"Why yes! He is a dear friend and coworker of mine!"

She gave a small, upset smile. "Well, he probably needs a friend right now. He's really upset, maybe you could go cheer him up?"

He smiled. "I will do my best~!"

She watched the happy big-headed man skip off, hoping his 'sunny attitude' would be able to cure Mordecai's sorrows.

Mordecai sat on the steps in front of the house, hiding his head between his legs and quietly sobbing. He hoped no one would catch him crying like a little girl, especially over something as stupid as a crush..

"Mordecai!"

Mordecai shot his head up, wiping some tears away. "Pops? W-what are you doing here?"

"Your friend said you needed a little cheering-up!" With that, he unexpectedly gave the bluejay a bear hug.

He hugged back. "I'm okay, Pops, i-it's nothing that major, really."

"Then why are you so down in the dumpy dumps, my good man?" Pops said as he sat down next to him on the steps.

"I-it's nothing, you wouldn't understand."

"Why ever not?"

"It's girl problems, alright? I just don't think you've ever..." Then he noticed Pops looked a bit confused. Mordecai was as well, not sure how to word it all.

"I don't think you've ever been...turned down by a girl before.."

Suddenly, the confused smile on Pops's face flipped 180 degrees. "Oh, that is definitely an erroneous assumption. You wouldn't believe it, but I've been given the cold shoulder on countless occasions."

Mordecai raised an eyebrow. "What? But...how could girls reject such a nice guy like you? Isn't that what girls are supposed to like? A guy who's nice and treats a girl right with manners?"

"I haven't the slightest idea, I'm afraid." Pops studied himself. "I'm well-dressed, I have a wonderful family and well...you all make me feel like I'm fun to have around! But I suppose it's different when you are trying to woo a stunning lady."

Mordecai quietly sighed with disappointment. "Totally different."

"Maybe you must have a certain charm to win a damsel's affection. My father had it before he met my mother, but he refused to teach me his wisdom, saying 'You have to find charm within yourself, not just learn it from someone else!'" He scratched his head. "I don't know what he meant."

"I guess he didn't want you to act like him when you're asking a girl out. I mean, you two are like complete opposites, you know?"

Pops looked up in thought. "That makes sense, I suppose." He gasped. "Mordecai, did your father do the same to you?"

"Huh? No, I was using my own charm. I got this girl I like to come to the park on her day off so I could finally try to ask her out."

Pops remembered the girl from earlier, crying out Mordecai's name.

"Was this the red cardinal girl I ran into earlier?"

"Yeah, probably. Every time I tried to ask her out, I'd either embarass myself or she'd introduce me to her current boyfriend."

Pops shook his head. "How terrible."

"So today, I gained a ton of courage, and I finally confessed it all to her..." He laid his head on his wing. "After all of that, she rejected me."

Pops gasped, sadness on his face. "Oh no no no, bad show! This should not happen to such a sweet gentleman such as yourself, Mordecai! I am terribly sorry!"

"I know, it sucks! We're the true good guys, why do the total jerks get the girl and all we get is rejection and bad luck?"

"I ask myself that every day, my good man. Then I realize that there are so many beautiful mistresses dancing around the planet, so I assume that the perfect one will find me and I'll forget all of the terrible times that I was turned down!"

Mordecai smiled. "You're right, Pops, but..I just..still really love her. I know she only likes me as a friend, but that doesn't change the way I feel about her."

Pops rubbed his back. "I understand completely. You should feel very fortunate though, my avian companion. Though she has rejected your invitation for love, atleast she still wants to be your friend."

Mordecai happily nodded. "Yeah, that's true. I'm just happy she doesn't hate me after all of this."

"And who knows?" Pops said cheerfully, putting his arm around Mordecai. "Maybe her mind is not fully set on just keeping friendshipness with you! Maybe one day, after she's given it thought, she will change her mind and realize what she has been missing out on. Then she'll come and carry you to the enchanted castle where you both can live happily ever after!" He giggled with joy.

Mordecai smiled in thought. _It'd be cool if it was the other way around...Margaret carrying ME 'bridal-style'? Totally awesome.._

"Thanks, Pops. I feel a lot better."

"Oh, I'm available any time you need me, my dear friend! As you youngsters say, I'll 'catch you on the flipside'!" He was about to giggle and run off when..

"Wait, Pops!"

"Yes?"

"Since we're both still single, maybe we can go to the mall or something and we can find ourselves some girlfriends some time."

Pops had the biggest smile ever. He was so happy, that he ran and attacked Mordecai with a big hug.

"Oh Mordecai, I would adore that! With the exception of our coworkers, no one ever asks me to accompany them on their 'friend outings'! I never thought that you would ask!"

Mordecai smiled. "My friends come in all different types, Pops. It just took me a little bit to realize that."

After the hug, they walked off into the park so Pops could play in the flower garden. Pops looked at Mordecai.

"Mordecai?"

"Yeah?"

He twiddled with his fingers. "If we cannot get girlfriends on our outing, shall we try to be like 'bad boys' and be rude gentlemen?"

Mordecai chuckled. "No way, we should never resort to something like that. We would just have to keep trying, that's all. Plus, you're awesome just the way you are, Pops."

Pops blushed. "Thank you, Mordecai. You are wonderfully amazing as well!"


	35. DeathXEileen

**~35th crack pairing: Death and Eileen~**

It was midday, and like most immortal beings, Death was at his underground workplace, waiting to take more souls. He sat at a chair and watched an enormous monitor, showing all of the people on Earth. This job was harder than it looked.

One thing's for sure..Death wasn't the only one that could collect souls. There were many beings and whatnot throughout the Earth that had the ability to collect souls, like angels, demons, and others.

Of course, Death was far above most of these amateurs, but it was still a tough business, regardless. His boss recently informed him that he shall try to only collect pure souls, or souls of those that are innocent in one way or another. Why?

"Those souls are worth more dough, Deathy boy," Death's boss, Cremilin Satany, informed his trusted employee.

"It don't make an ounce of sense!" Death replied back. "There's barely any pure souls left on this putrid planet. Let 'em angels have those, I'll collect twice the amount of dirtbags and we'll make twice the dough, Crem, sound good?"

"NO. My orders are final." Satany satanically replied. "Now you do as I say or I'll send ya back to the fiery depths where ya came from, ya got it?"

Death sighed. "Alright, mate, alright."

Satany looked through some papers. "You've collected atleast 300 souls today, my boy. You haven't collected that fast in atleast 50 years, I'm quite impressed! Now since you're already startin' to hate the good souls, all I ask is that you collect 1 measly little good soul today and you're free to go home to your family, sound good?"

"Hmm, alrighty!" Death happily said. As his boss left, he continued to look at the screen, boredom instantly meeting his skeletal retinas.

Five minutes passed...nothing.

Fifty minutes passed...nada.

It wasn't until 2 and some hours later that Death noticed some commotion occurring on one of the screens. He touched it to make it bigger, and continued to watch and listen. Apparently, a mole-looking girl in a pink bow-dress was tearing up outside of a door while an annoyed swan dressed in skimpy clothing confronted her. It looked like there was a party going on inside the house.

"Why would you even care, Eileen?" Callie, the swan, arrogantly told the mole. "He never liked you anyway, so I don't even know why you bother."

Eileen stood there, sadly frowning and crossed her arms. "Alright, that's fine..b-b-but you didn't have to make out with him right in front of me. Why'd you have to shove it all back in my face? You were being so rude to me."

"Ha!" The swan giggled. "What, jealous you couldn't excite the little raccoon like I can? It's not my fault you weren't blessed with beauty and amazing lady-parts like moi."

Death rolled his eyes. _A swan actin' like a shameless moll? Quite ironic, I'll admit. _

While she continued to giggle, Eileen frowned and tried to go past Callie. "I don't care anymore, Callie, just let me back into the party and-"

"Oh no you don't," Callie said as she shoved the mole back. "See, when I get back in, I'm totally gonna go to town on your crush, if you catch my drift. I'm doing you a favor by making you leave, so...go on home and sign up for a dating website. I'm sure they have guys that don't shave their legs and armpits, so they'll have a lot in common with you!" She maniacally giggled.

Eileen angerly teared up. "Can I atleast go and-"

Too late. The heartless swan had already shoved the door in her face and double-locked the door, making sure her 'sworn enemy' couldn't come back in.

Eileen started to walk away, looking down at her furry legs. Before walking away from the house, she couldn't help but notice the window showing Callie on top of Rigby, Eileen's crush. She began to sloppily make out with him, eventually pushing him farther into the couch out of the window's view. Eileen couldn't take it anymore, and she ran off crying.

Meanwhile, Death still followed her on the monitor. He hadn't seen such a gentle soul like this in weeks, so he definitely wouldn't hesitate to stay on her tail.

_I do got a family to feed, after all.._

She ran into the woods. Not just any set of woods, but the woods that people were afraid to drive or walk by, infamously named "Bottomless Bloody Trepidation", or as most called it, the 'BBT'. Rumor has it that families were mysteriously slaughtered there while camping throughout the early 20th century. According to detectives at the time, there was no proof within the woods, and they just claimed the families were only missing.

Death knew the truth, however, and the rumor couldn't be any more true. He collected the numerous souls while the demons ate the remains of what once were happy parents and children who only wanted to boost their family relationships by spending time in a so-called 'beautiful camping spot'. He collected thousands of souls there over the past decades, which meant he came home with big cheese each payday...

While Death was reminiscing, Eileen had finished running and approached an end to a trail. When she looked below, she saw fast-running river congested with many large boulders.

She was so high above the river, atleast 40 stories, she presumed. But she didn't care, she was in such despair right now that not much mattered. She was close to the edge..so close to falling. She held her arms out and closed her eyes..

_I've been hurt too many times, and I've had enough girls like Callie making me feel like dirt, I'm done with it all! No one even cares that I exist. What's the point of life if I'm not happy when I live it?_

She leaned a bit forward..

_They'll all miss me when I'm gone, and Callie will regret all the things she's said and done to me, and Rigby?...I hope he misses me as much as I think I'll miss him.._

Death had came back from his thoughts and saw that the little mole girl was just about to fall over the ledge.

He grinned. Part of him wanted her to take the leap so he could grab her soul and get off work a little early.

But the other part...for some odd reason, didn't want the girl to jump, or else it'd break his inexistent heart!

Faster than he could realize, the girl finally fell, and Death even shrieked a bit. Good thing he was a magical immortal being. He reacted quick and made a parachute appear on the depressed mole girl.

Now she fell slowly towards the river. She had her eyes closed the whole time, so she hadn't realized that she was falling slowly, or that she somehow has a parachute on her back until she opened her eyes. She looked around, clueless of what was going on.

Soon enough, Eileen fell into the river, flapping her arms around and trying to stay afloat. Little did she know, she was floating right towards a waterfall. Luckily, her 'knight in deathly armor' lifted her out of the water just in time, tearing the parachute off her and carried her away from the water and laid her onto a large, flat boulder.

After he did so, she started to cough up water and gasp for sweet air. "A-am I dead?"

"Nah, thank goodness ya aren't though."

Eileen jumped when she heard the thick Aussie accent. She looked up at him with awe.

"Y-you saved me..I-I don't know-"

"Shh.." He gently put a finger onto the mole's lips. "No need to thank me, deary, just don't mention it."

"But why not? Y-you're a hero! I would've been fish food if you hadn't pulled me from the river!"

Death put his arms inside his jacket and shrugged. "It's a long story. I ain't exactly a good person, I...I just couldn't stand to see a young gal like you waste your precious life over something as stupid as a bullying swan."

Eileen's eyes widened and she smiled. "Are you a psychic? If you are, I'd love to hear about my horoscope. You seem like you're a Leo. They're courageous, you know!"

Death chuckled a bit and sat down next to her. "Nah, I'm just an immortal being, Eileen. I know everything about the mortals of the Earth. I'm usually not such a big softy, but when I saw all of that drama happen to you, I..." He touched his chest. "I felt these feelings I ain't felt in atleast 70 fortnights."

Eileen gently touched his chest as well, smiling. "That means you haven't felt this happy in about 11.7 years. I'm honored to know I helped you regain the feeling, Mister..."

Death sighed. "My name's Death."

She nodded. "Oh, nice to meet you, Death."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Why ain't you runnin' away from me with fright? Has my soft-iness taken away my horrific figure?"

She giggled. "No, I just know a lot about you already."

He smiled, impressed. "Ah, heard a lot about me, eh?"

"Yeah, you're one of my favorite mysterious immortal beings. I've read so many books about you, and I'd always wondered what you were actually like and.."

He grinned, coming a little dangerously closer to her. "And..?"

She blushed, acting bashful and looking away a bit. "You...you're much more alluring and bewitching in person."

He chuckled, putting some hair behind her ear. "Ooh, such large words from such a tiny girl. I fancy that~"

She giggled nervously. "When I was sent to timeout in school, I always read the dictionary."

"Timeout, eh?" He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. "And here I thought you had a pure soul. Guess I was wrong, heh?" He chuckled.

She had a bit of worry in her face. "I-is that a bad thing?"

"Of course it isn't!" He replied happily, and pulled her close so he could talk to her in a secret fashion. "Between you and I, there ain't one person on this whole entire planet that's completely perfect, and I can tell ya there never has been one. People, for instance, might take one look at you and think you're nothin' but an untainted utopia...like I did before I got to talkin' to ya."

She had a bit of a sad face. "Callie always calls me a 'purified prima-donna', so I understand."

"Well, forget her!" Death said, shooing his hand at the mention of the girl's name. "Don't let that bub of a girl drive you to the brink of insanity. You've no reason to leave the world just yet. You got a whole life ahead of ya."

"It's not just her that got me crazy..it's Rigby. He chose her over me and...and it hurts me so much, I-"

"Shh.." He said as he put his finger on her lips again, then put it under her chin. "Don't let love bring you down either. I can't tell you how many pitiful souls I've seen that ended it all because of failed love. So one guy don't see the goodness in ya, no sweat!"

"But I-"

"I know, I know.." Death interrupted. "You love him even though he don't feel the same way. It hurts, I know. I've been down that road before, many many centuries ago. But hey, here I am, live and well, sittin' next to a beautifully stunning dame."

She blush-smiled. "We're all happy you're here, otherwise our souls would just float around aimlessly."

Their chuckles were interrupted by a weird noise.

Speaking of the dangerous woods...

"How 'bout I give ya a lift home, darlin'?" Death asked. "It's gettin' to be pretty dark."

"Not yet, you seem like you need a pick-me-up." She smiled. "We can go to where I work and grab some mocha lattes and buttered croissants."

"Ah, you and your big words again, eh sweetheart? Well then..hop on." All of a sudden, his motorcycle appeared out of nowhere. He hopped in front and magically made a helmet appear on Eileen's head.

Like a fangirl, she giggled and hopped behind Death, holding onto him as they rode out of the woods.

Death had been having so much with Eileen that he'd forgotten about his work.

_Ah heck it all...I was supposed to snag me a 'pure' soul!_

He realized he was supposed to collect Eileen's own soul, but remembered the talk earlier and smiled.

_Hey, I got the rest of eternity to work, but Eileen has a life that could end at any minute and..._

He grinned.

_I want her to enjoy it while she still has that beautiful, half-pure soul..._


	36. BensonXAudrey

_Yay! I finally got something up! I've had family issues and school, but it's Thanksgiving break for me and I finally got one of these requests up for you guys. I may not be as active, but I'll never retire from writing these, I love them! _

_Enjoy, and have a happy Thanksgiving! :) 3_

**~36th crack pairing: Benson and Audrey~**

Just like every Monday morning(and any morning he had to get up for work), Benson mentally groaned as the alarm clock fiercely beeped its digital head off. The middle-aged gumball man slowly got up from bed and turned the darned thing off, taking a glance at it.

_6:05 a.m., and those slackers get to sleep until atleast 10 now. I miss the old days.._

Normally, those two would have to get up just as early, but now that summer was over and all the kids were back in school, there weren't as many park visitors, which meant that there wasn't as much work to be done. That was one of the few things that encouraged Benson to get up every morning now, since the paychecks and the fruitful work experiences weren't nearly adequate enough.

He stepped outside his door to get the newspaper and glanced at the front page, showcasing the top story. **"Unemployment rate reaches 30% as the fall season approaches, will not improve through the holidays"**.

Benson rolled his eyes. _They say this every year like it's the state's fault. Maybe people are too lazy to get up and find work and-_

He jumped out of thought when he heard a few low sobs. He looked up from the paper and saw that his neighbor, Audrey, had left her door open, and it sounded like the sobs were coming from her apartment.

Curiously, Benson got the nerve to walk to the door and knock on it.

"Audrey? I-it's Benson. Are you okay?"

After a few seconds, she came to the door, wearing a lavender silk robe and her short blond hair tied up in a bun. Her face was flushed red and soaked with tears, meaning she'd definitely been crying.

"Oh, good morning Benson."

"I-I was just wondering..if you were alright."

She sighed. "Can we discuss it over some hot java?"

Soon enough, they sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee while Audrey talked to her close friend.

"I don't think I'll be able to pay the rent this month. I might be evicted soon.."

"Why? I thought you always paid your rent early. You said you never have late payments with any of your bills."

After she sipped some of her coffee, she looked down a bit. "I will now. I-I lost my job yesterday."

Benson, needless to say, was speechless. He gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Audrey I, I'm so sorry."

She rested her head on her hand. "I know. I guess I saw it coming. They were cutting my hours to the point where I could've just quit and it wouldn't have mattered."

He sighed, knowing the feeling. "I know what you mean. I've lost so many part-time jobs because of that. You just gotta shrug it off and keep looking."

She smiled. "I will, Benson. I was wondering though, if you'd, when you're not working of course, like to go with me while I job hunt? We can see a movie later or something."

He smiled. "I-I'd love that."

He wasn't all happy though. For some reason, he hated the idea of his dear friend/crush going door-to-door begging for a job.

He thought of something...something that would certainly make her happy again.

"Well actually Audrey, uh..since I'm..you know, the park manager, I could...you know, get you an interview and-"

She gasped and squealed. "Oh Ben, you'd really do that for me?"

He blushed. "Hey, that's what friends are for, right?"

She suddenly roped him in for a huge bear hug. "Aw Ben, I could never thank you enough. When's the interview so I can be prepared?"

"Wednesday at 9 a.m., don't stress too much with an outfit, just make it nice but not too casual."

She finally let go, still smiling at him. "I'll wear my favorite blouse, and I'll bring my a-game for sure."

"Great," He said, then looked at his watch. "I better head to work. See you later!"

"Okay, bye Benson!"

As Benson left her apartment and drove off in his car, he felt like the awkward kid asking out his high school crush; his heart floating and his day seeming to get better already.

But it wouldn't stay that way..

"Yo Benson!"

Benson had drove the cart up to the park house where everyone was gathering for the daily morning meeting. Muscle Man, for some reason, seemed weirdly eager to talk to his boss.

He walked up in front of them. "Morning guys, I-"

"Tell us, bro!" Muscle Man said.

"Yeah, who's the lucky chick?" Mordecai asked with as much enthusiasm as he could give off in the morning.

"Pfft, I don't think any girl getting with 'Benson' is lucky." Rigby replied with a sneer.

Benson became a little red and glared at Rigby. "What are you talking about? Are you guys gossiping again? I thought I said there's no gossiping allowed while I'm around. It causes too much drama in the workplace."

"It's not gossiping if it's true." Rigby retorted.

"What?"

"Thomas told us you have a prospective romantic outing with your wonderfully lovely neighbor~!" Pops said with cheery happiness.

"Wha-? How did-Thomas, how did you know-"

"I took a Parapsychology class last semester, it's a long story." He smiled, rubbing his arm. "The professor showed us how to be amateur fortune tellers and..it kinda works."

"Indeed." Pops happily added. "He predicted I would go galloping through the flower gardens the other day and have a salami and swiss hoagie, and I did!"

Benson had a blank face. _I thought that psychic stuff was all baloney.._

"So is he right, Benson? You guys gonna go make out at the movies?" Muscle Man asked again.

"'Benson' making out?" Rigby joked. "Ha! More like 'bore her to death with tax talk and cat facts'!"

Everyone else started to ask many questions at once, and Benson finally had enough.

"ENOUGH!" He yelled, quieting everyone. "It's not a 'date', it's...it's an interview. She lost her job and, well, I thought I'd give her an interview."

"So she didn't even apply but you gave her an interview?" High-Five Ghost asked.

"Yeah, so?"

"Ah what?" Muscle Man was irritated. "We had to fill out the applications!"

"Yeah, so did we!" Rigby said.

"You were too lazy to fill yours out, dude. Remember?" Mordecai told him.

"Oh...well still! It's not like Benson just 'handed' us jobs! He's just gonna give that Audrey chick a job so she'll go out with him!"

"What?" Benson was angry, at a loss for words. "It's an INTERVIEW! I didn't promise her any job! You all darn well know that there's a HUGE difference between an interview and actually getting hired. I can't believe you guys are acting like this! I'm helping a friend in need. You understand, right Pops?"

Pops shyly looked away, rubbing his neck. "I don't like participating in these kinds of interventions.."

Benson sighed. "Skips? Surely you understand."

Skips rubbed the back of his neck. "I dunno, Benson, it does seem kinda unorthodox for you."

"What do you mean?"

"All those young girls that used to do car washes in high school came to a group interview clad in tight clothes, and you didn't even give 'em a second glance afterwards."

Benson seemed a bit shocked. "Uh, well, they weren't qualified and they weren't even dressed appropriately to begin with!"

"WHAT!" Rigby angrily perked up. "You said you were gonna call those girls back!"

"I never promised anything!"

"So you'll hire a plain jane but turn down a bunch of hotter looking chicks? And here I thought I had plans for Saturday night!"

Benson was getting angrier at Rigby. "I DON'T...HIRE...BASED ON LOOKS.."

"Dude, I've got news for you," Rigby came closer to Benson. "Audrey isn't what the park people wanna see."

Mordecai tried pulling him back, noticing Benson giving off fumes. "Rigby, this is getting out of hand."

Rigby smacked his hand away. "I'm not done! Seriously, what's the point of putting us through those meetings about what makes the park better? It's not keeping the snack bar clean or keeping the hobos from peeing on all the fountains, it's hot chiiiiiicks!"

"RIGBY-"

Rigby was all up in his face now, with no obvious remorse. "And newsflash Benson, the crap we deal with on a daily basis isn't worth the measly 5 bucks an hour, so I bet if she knew that she wouldn't even take the job if you BEGGED her to! She's better off holding signs on the road!"

"THAT'S IT!" Benson yelled. "YOU'RE FIRED, RIGBY! GET OUT! GET OUT BEFORE I CALL THE COPS!"

"WHAT?" Rigby, obviously showed a little remorse now..

"Benson, wait, h-he didn't mean it!" Mordecai said.

"BULL!" Benson shouted.

Rigby got on his knees towards Benson. "C'mon, Benson, I-I'm sorry man, I-"

"GET OUT! GO!" Benson fiercely kicked at Rigby until he ran off. The rest had been quiet and speechless, including Mordecai.

"I-I can't believe this. H-he'll change his mind, won't he?"

"I dunno. Rigby kinda brought that on himself.." Skips replied.

"Well, look at it this way, Mordo," Muscle Man said, patting Mordecai's back. "Atleast we'll have a chick working with us now."

With that, everyone left except Mordecai and Benson.

"Benson please," Mordecai begged Benson. "You gotta understand. Rigby lost it back there and-"

"Well now he lost his job! He's had it coming for too long. I'm not gonna be talked to that way, Mordecai, I work WAY too hard for this park! I deserve respect!"

"I know Benson but-"

"No, no, you DON'T know! Rigby's not getting any more chances, now be happy you didn't lose yours! I'm done with this conversation, now get to work."

With that, Benson drove away in his golf cart, leaving Mordecai there...without his friend.

That Wednesday morning, Benson and Audrey stepped out of the office and shook hands.

"Thank you again, Benson. Be sure to call me and let me know where I stand!"

"I will, Audrey. Thank you for coming in."

"No problem!"

With that, she walked out, leaving Benson there...he facepalmed himself.

"I-I can't do this...I can't."

Later on in the day after managing duties, Benson walked back into his office and looked at all his notes he wrote during her interview.

'Messy room as a kid, C-average in high school, was 'great' at parties as a teenager, e.t.c. e.t.c...'

He looked at the application she filled out and looked at what she listed as her first job.

'Age 15, worked at _The Brazen Bull _as a dancer/server'? Benson rubbed his head.

_'Brazen Bull'? What kinda place is that? I-I can't hire her...I-I could have another Mordecai or Rigby on my hands! And her interview...well, i-it was bad! She barely took me serious and she kept glancing out the window! Come to think of it, how'd she even get the job she got fired from?_

Suddenly, the phone rang and he answered.

"Benson speaking."

"Hey Benson, it's Audrey!"

_Crap, she's happy! What am I gonna do? H-how can I tell her..she'll hate me.._

"Audrey, hey! Listen, I-I have to tell you something-"

"I do too!" She squeaked. "My boss called me and said he needed me to come back because one of the other employees broke their ankle! I have my job again!"

"Oh, great! I'm happy to hear it! Heh.." He was a little sad, but relieved at the same time..

"Anyway, what'd you need to tell me? If it's about the interview, don't worry about it. You're heavily staffed and all, so you don't need to worry about me."

"Oh no, of course not, I-I was just wondering where you worked-or, where you 'work'. You didn't put the name on the application."

"It's called Yo-Yo Gal Palace Restaurant. It's behind that shooting range on Maple Honey Street. Maybe I'll see you there sometime?"

_No, never, not if it's behind a 'shooting range'. Ergh, chills. _"Uh..sure. I'll see if I can go soon."

"Okay, Benson, see you later!"

He hung up the phone, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Aleast that's over."

_Knock knock._

"Come in."

It was Rigby, twiddling his fingers and a sad panda look on his face.

"Benson, look, I'm sorry I-"

"Save it. You're unfired."

Rigby smiled and did a doubletake. "What? Really?"

"Yeah, now get to work."

"Well, uh, what about Audrey?"

Benson slightly smiled. "Let's just say I didn't need more than two of you around here."

"Awesome! I knew we were special!" Rigby happily cheered. "I gotta say, though, I thought I'd have to really work and beg for my job back."

"What, you're complaining? You got it back, now quit it before you lose it again. For good."

"Sure! Anything for you, Benson-bro, just let me know, I-"

"UGH! Can't you go bother Mordecai or something?"

"Oh, you're right! Later Ben-bro!" Rigby 'OOOOH'd' his way outta the office, cheering and yelling things like 'GUYS, I GOT MY JOOOOOOB BAAAAAACK!'

Benson rolled his eyes and laid back in his chair, finally at peace...for the moment anyway.

_My job and I have quite the love/hate relationship.._


	37. ThomasXRigby

_Wassup guys? So I've been looking through pairing requests through fanfiction and deviantart and the pairings are endless like I predicted! However, I think it's time to focus on a character that hasn't really had much attention lately: Thomas. PerryRocks on gave me several suggestions for a Thomas pairing, so I'll do ThomasXRigby, as it's been quite a while since Rigby's been pairied up with anyone. Here we go! :)_

**~37th crack pairing: Thomas and Rigby~**

This year, April 1st, also known as April Fools Day, fell on a Monday. Mordecai and Rigby had just exited Muscle Man's trailer and walked away, somber looks on their faces.

"I-I can't believe it!" Rigby said, startled.

"I know, right? Muscle Man 'sick' on the biggest holiday of his life?" Mordecai was more than skeptical. "There's gotta be something he's planning.."

"Dude, stomach viruses are no joke! I had it every year through middle school!" Rigby said. "He vomited like three times while we were in there, and he's not gonna fake something crazy like vomiting!"

"True." Mordecai nodded, putting that whole thing to rest. "But..I-I can't do it dude."

"What? What do you mean?"

"It's rediculous! Muscle Man wants us to focus our pranks on one person and he won't even tell us why!"

"So what? It's just Thomas! He's just some intern kid, and he's got a sense of humor so he'll get over it!"

"Whatever man, you do it then, but I'm not. It's not fair to anyone."

"Dude," Rigby begged. "Muscle Man's gonna know you didn't get involved and he'll get you back, so just PLEASE do it with me! PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEEASE!"

"NO!" Mordecai shoved Rigby back. "I'm NOT doing it, and you CAN'T make me. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do.."

With that, Mordecai waled off, pondering to himself aloud.

_I wonder if I should let Thomas know about Rigby's plan, it could totally wreck him..eh, he's used to it I guess. April Fool's Day only happens once a year anyway.._

As Mordecai walked away, Rigby did as well, trying to find Thomas.

"Hmm hmm! Fine with me, I'll just have my own fun!" He pulled out a prank book. "Good thing I found this at that yard sale!"

Soon, he began to create a field day for Thomas, who'd be arriving soon. Instead of a bunch of small pranks set up around the park, he set up one large prank that was set up like a contraption.

It'd start out with a good-sized rock on the floor with a bunch of gibberish symbols written on it in . Rigby would tell Thomas there's something strange about it, so Thomas would pick it up and then...the prank would begin.

But it's gotta be just right...

Soon, Thomas parked his car and headed out to where Rigby was by the park house.

"Hey Rigby, whatsup?"

Rigby grinned an evil smile. "Heeeey Thomas, happy Ap-I mean, happy Monday!"

Thomas raised an eyebrow. "You seem pretty excited about it being Monday. Everything okay?"

"Yeah sure, man I-WHOA!" He widened his eyes at the medium sized rock nearby.

He and Thomas ran to it. Rigby was about to poke it with a stick, acting creeped out by the rock.

"Dude, what's up with that thing?"

Thomas shrugged. "It's just a rock, no biggie."

"But it's got signs on it! Look!" Rigby pointed to them with his stick.

Thomas rubbed his chin with the palm of his hand. "I guess that is pretty strange. Maybe we should leave it alone, it could've been a kid drawing on it."

"No dude! What if it's a bomb or something? We should take it to Benson just in case!"

Thomas looked scared now. "A bomb? Y-you're probably right, but y-you take it, I'm scared of bombs!"

"What, you think I'm totally fearless about bombs? YOU take it!"

Thomas crossed his arms and frowned at Rigby's sarcasm.

Rigby gave him a sad panda face. "Pretty pleeeeasee~?"

"Ugh, fine I'll do it.."

As Thomas went to go pick up the rock, Rigby felt like a little kid waiting to get on the bus for a field trip. He was so close, oh-so close..

Then, Thomas picked up the rock. Shortly after, he observed it..

"Heh, these aren't signs, they're just crude drawings of butts and dinosaurs.."

SPLAT! Thomas was doused with a gallon of orange paint and skunk spray coming from the 'rock', causing Thomas to give off a strange odor. Rigby began to back up towards a tree as his prank began to take action. Some of the park visitors watched the show.

"Agh, what the heck!" All of a sudden, Thomas felt a random show kick him in the back of the leg. When he turned around, he was met with a weird robot contraption that hit him in the face with a pie. Some of the contents got into Thomas's mouth.

"Ugh, that's SHAVING CREAM!" Without warning, the robot started tickling Thomas to pieces using his regular feather hands, causing Thomas to laugh uncontrollably. Without noticing, the robot's knife hands started splicing through Thomas's clothes and eventually exploded outta nowhere. When the robot exploded, pink pen ink got all over Thomas, who now had orange paint all over his face, skunk odor all over him, and to top it all off, these and the pen ink were all that clothed him, his clothes lay shredded on the floor.

The park visitors started for what seemed like minutes, and they soon began laughing hysterically, calling him several things like "Goat Cheeks" and "Pinkie Pal". What's worse was the pen ink started falling off and started showing a full nude Thomas while the park visitors continued to laugh at him, including Rigby, who was hiding behind the tree about to choke from laughing so hard.

Thomas could do nothing but stand there, red in the face and covering himself now. Suddenly, someone threw a pack of deodorant at him saying, "YOU STINK!" This caused the poor goat to sob and run off out of the park, the people still laughing.

It had become too much for Rigby. He was losing his breath from his own laughter, so much so that he fell to the ground, passing out.

"Rigby? Rigby?"

Mordecai tried to nudge his friend and wake him up.

"Rigby? RIGBY!"

"AHH!" Rigby woke up and looked at Mordecai. "Whoa..I went back to sleep?"

"Yeah, you passed out here."

Rigby scratched his head, then remembered and grinned. "Oh yeah, ha! I was laughing so hard! Y-you shoulda seen it Mordecai! I-"

"I already know what happened, and so does Thomas! And it WASN'T cool, Rigby! You almost caused him to quit!"

"WHAT? It was just a prank!"

"JUST a prank? Dude, Thomas told Benson he felt like he was in high school again, and he was starting to have bad memories while those people were laughing at him!"

"B-but I didn't mean for it to go that far!" Rigby cried. "He was getting pranked a whole lot while he was new and he shrugged it off!"

"Those were small pranks and it didn't involve dozens of people laughing at him and calling him crude names and hurting his feelings! You owe him an apology!"

"But-"

"Just DO IT!"

Rigby sighed. "Fiiine.."

Mordecai told Rigby Thomas was hiding by the snack bar now, so that's where he found him. He shyly approached the goat, who was sitting down behind the snack bar.

"Uhh...hey Thomas."

Thomas picked his head up and looked at him. "Oh...hey Rigby.."

Rigby sat down next to him. He wasn't sure of what to say. "Thomas, I-"

"Save it."

"What?"

"I know you're sorry, no need to say it." Thomas smiled at him. "You don't seem like the kinda person that enjoys saying it too much."

"It was just a prank gone wrong, Thomas!" Rigby finally let out. "I didn't mean to bring back harsh memories, it was just all in the name of April Fools Day!"

"Wait, that was today?" Thomas checked the calendar on his mediocre phone, which also showed 3 missed calls from his mom. "Heh, guess I shoulda been prepared for whatever pranks were coming my way."

"I know man I-"

"Shh." Thomas put a finger to Rigby's mouth. "I already said it's cool, Rigby. Don't worry about it. I know you didn't intend on hurting my feelings."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Mordecai told me everything before you came by."

"He told me you were gonna quit! Is that true?"

"Yeah, but.." Thomas grinned. "I say a lot of things when I'm angry, so I'm not going anywhere. Plus, the things I experienced in high school were WAY worse than what you did to me."

"Pfft," Rigby waved him off. "Yeah right, I got you good! I saw you running off crying to your momma, 'Goat Cheeks'!"

"Heh, I bet you did, '**One Cheek Wonder**'."

Rigby gasped. "Take that back!"

Thomas chuckled. "Yeah, doesn't feel good when it happens to YOU, does it?"

Rigby was speechless, and looked down. "No..."

"Good. Hey, since it's still April Fools Day, wanna go prank someone?"

"No way man, I'm done with pranks...atleast until Muscle Man gets sick again. How 'bout we get some snacks or something?"

"Good idea!" Thomas grabbed some sodas and gave one to Rigby.

"Thanks, dude, I was parched." As he opened the soda and tasted the contents, he realized something.

"Wait, that's...MUSTARD? IN A CAN? BLEHH! What the 'H', Thomas?"

Thomas chuckled. "You think I wasn't gonna get you back?"

Rigby grinned. "Hmm hmm, true talk."

Thomas stopped laughing and got an actual soda for him. "Here, that's the real deal."

As Rigby opened the can and drank the soda, he enjoyed the tasted, but as soon as he removed the can from his mouth, he noticed...the infamous ring.

And Thomas's unstoppable laughter.

"Thomas, seriously?"

Thomas stopped laughing and grinned. "Hey, I never said we were 'even'."

Rigby rolled his eyes and laughed a bit. "Okay okay, are we even then?"

Thomas opened his arms for a hug and Rigby joined in. "Yeah we're even...for now."

"Okay dude, see ya later?"

"Sure." Thomas replied. As Rigby walked away, Thomas called his mom.

"Hey mom...yeah, everything's going awesome. I love it at the park. Say, can I borrow your air horn tomorrow?"


	38. DonXCJ

_Whew, I know it's been a while..a LONG while, but hey, no one said I can't update this story. It's been ongoing since its first chapter, and I'm ready to slowly start writing again after a while. _

_Anyway, I saw someone suggested CJXDon, and then I thought with recent events in ''1000__th__ Chopper Party", that Don would be the perfect Superman, rebound-ish guy. Maybe we can call the pairing DonJay if enough people like it, lol. Without further ado, here it is.. _

**~38****th**** crack pairing: Don and CJ~**

_It's all my fault…_

CJ could barely keep her eyes dry as she drove down Baker St. Two days ago she caused a few catastrophic events with her boyfriend and his former lame Margaret in a chopper…just to figure out she was being crazy over nothing….she had a _boyfriend._

_Now I wonder if I still even have a boyfriend after what I did. He hasn't texted me since it all went down._

She pulls out her phone and starts to type something out to him….but stops.

_I just….I need time, and I'm sure he does too. I almost killed him, for pete's sake!_

Then she listened to the person on her other shoulder.

_Maybe it won't hurt to text him for the heck of it._

She pulls out her phone to open up the last text between them-

**CRASH!**

CJ's face hits the airbag just as it pops out, the next thing she sees is-

"NICE DRIVING SKILLS, SWEETIE!"

…Whoever that guy was.

Next she saw the damage in front of her….a crushed, red convertible…the driver nowhere to be found.

She gasped. "Where'd they go?"

She got out of the car, ignoring those around her that watched the local news a couple nights ago and recognized her. "uh oh, she's gonna destroy the city now that her car's wrecked…."

As she tried looking for her, a shadow approached her.

"Oh my gosh, are you alright?"

She looked behind her, looking up to see a tall, muscular, raccoon man. She blushed, never seeing someone so…well…ya know..

"Yeah, I'm fine, but-" Suddenly she was grabbed up into a manly hug.

"Oh thank goodness! There's so many car wrecks a day, you could've been really hurt!"

She was coughing, her lungs being restricted by the gut-crushing hug.

"Oh, sorry! Here…" He let her down gently, her breathing going back to normal.

"I-I'm so sorry about your car, I-I can pay whatever it is to fix it, I-"

He chuckled. "No worries! I have great insurance on that baby."

"I really should've been paying attention to where I was going, I was looking down at my phone and then BAM! Two seconds later I cause a wreck."

CJ kept going on as the cops got out of their cars. Don put a finger up to quiet her.

"Maybe we can talk this out over lunch or something."

"What?"

He leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Texting and driving just became illegal here…be careful what you say to the cops."

She nodded.

"I know a really good sub place we can go to talk after all this. Wanna go?"

She rubbed the back of her neck, remembering Mordecai. But…she just rear-ended this guy! She owed him…sorta.

"Sounds great!"

Later on, after all the paperwork, and questioning, the two went to get a couple subs at a place...a place with the slogan, "We make a mean Pizza Sub!"

"Where are my manners?" Don smacks his forehead. "I buy you a sub and I have the audacity to NOT ask for your name!"

She giggled. "It's CJ."

"CJ, huh? Very lovely." This got a blush out of her. "I'm Don."

"Wow, like the movies?"

"Oh yeah!" He perks up. "But I'm not the least bit Italian...just inspiration my mom got after watching the BodMother."

"Hmm, she's got good taste, I'll give her that."

They share a chuckle. After a second, she pulls out a pen and paper.

"Again, I'm really sorry about what happened. I can make it up to you...what do you need me to help fix? The back window, the bumper?"

"None of it, CJ."

"I mean, I know someone that can really fix it up for cheap and-"

"Whoa whoa whoa! Didn't you hear me earlier?"

She rubbed her arm. "Yeah I know you've got insurance, but still! I feel obligated to help you out somehow. I was a complete idiot earlier."

He shrugged. "No you weren't, I was going too slow anyway."

"What? B-but, I'm sure the light wasn't green yet. And like I said, I was too busy on my phone and-"

He grabs her shoulders. "CJ, please stop!"

"What did I do?"

"I don't need you to give me stuff to fix my car, I don't need you to reach in your pocket."

She was taken aback. "I don't get it, Don. Is something worse gonna happen? Are you gonna sue me?"

He gets up, and takes her hand, pulling her to her feet. "Come on, let's go for a walk."

As they walked outside, she smiled and grinned at him.

"Not a bad idea you had. It's actually a pretty nice day now that I notice it."

"Exactly."

It was quiet for a moment before Don spoke up again.

"You know, I never get time like this to spend with people...girls, especially."

She blushed, noticing her hand was near his as they walked. "Oh, what? C'mon, you're a..."

He stopped and looked down at her, grinning. "I'm a...what?"

She looked back up, trying to grin back and keep her cool.

_This guy is...this guy is something else.._

She sighed. "You're a..pretty...chill guy for just being rear-ended, that's all."

He scratched his head. "Hmm." He was sure she wanted to say something else, but nice guy that he was, he wouldn't bug her anymore about it.

Unless she REALLY wanted him to..

"And yeah, you're a stud!"

"I am?"

"You can't tell me you don't have a bunch of girls' numbers on your fridge."

He smiled. "Well, as an accountant, I keep pretty busy...almost TOO busy to hang out with anyone. But for the most part, those numbers are my clients."

She looked dumbfounded. "Wow. I would guess so."

He put an arm on her shoulder. "On the other hand, having a bunch of numbers is like having a bunch of printed-out recipes. Sure they're there, but I only wanna take time and effort to make something I REALLY want."

She smiled. "Which number is that, if I may ask?"

"It's not up there...just yet..if I may ask, of course!"

She blushed a bright red. "Oh, sure!" She wrote it down for him.

"Perfect! Maybe tomorrow we can...you know...talk about our cars...and the wreck."

He was trying his best to not sound awkward, failing at it.

"Sure," She nodded, shyly. "Just..." She got her cool back. "Just make sure my number is a priority for you."

"Ha! It already is, don't worry!"

They walked back to their cars, of course, Don rushed ahead to open it for her.

"Are you sure you'll be able to get home?"

She started the car with ease, sounding a little rusty due to the wreck, but works just fine.

"Yeah. What about you, Ladykiller?"

"Of course! Well, I better get going. Talk to ya later, CJ." She pulled her hand up and kissed it really quick, causing her to blush.

"Later...Don..."

As Don drove off, he looked at the slip of paper, gripping it tightly.

Just two minutes later, CJ checks her phone, making sure she pays attention to the road this time.

**Hey, it's Don! Had a really nice time today. :)**

She blushed, driving home safely. It's not every day where you crash into someone and they make a day with you. :)


	39. ThomasXMuscle Man

_A/N: Hey all! So I've been doing fan requests for 38 chapters(I still take them btw), so I decided to do something of my choice. I don't even think this pairing has been requested, but I think it'll be a fun read. ;) Chapter 40 will be really special, no worries. Anyway, here we go!_

**~39th crack pairing: Thomas and Muscle Man~**

"One chili cheese dog, please." A customer told Thomas at the snack bar, who rang it up. "And make sure the cheese is really melted this time."

"Yeah yeah, I got it." Muscle Man reassured the customer, then grinned back. "Hey sir?"

"Yeah?"

"...You know who else is melted on top of a hot dog?"

Silence.

"My mom!"

All he did was stare at Muscle Man blankly. Thomas as well, who gave the customer back his change. "Here you go, sir. It'll be ready soon."

"It's done." Muscle Man gave the dog to the customer, cheese freshly melted. "Hope you like it as much as you liked my joke."

"So you want me to hate it? Great customer service skills!"

As the customer walked away, Muscle Man sighed with dreary.

"I guess not every one is easy to please, huh?" Thomas asked.

"Yeah, but it's fine...no one understands my genious humor. It's become a lost art."

Thomas leaned against the register. "I hear that. I can't even make my friends laugh, let alone a girl."

"That's different. You just gotta have charm to do all that. It's gotta be natural."

As the two had their conversation, Benson pulled up in the golf cart.

"Ladies say I've got more charm than a charm bracelet. That's special, bro!"

"Muscle Man, are you training Thomas or having a Sunday conversation?"

"It's cool, Benson. I'm just trying to show him what customer service is supposed to be like."

"You've got a weird way of showing it." Thomas replied.

"Shut it, Starter Pack! No one's talking to you!"

"Just do your job, guys. I already babysit two slackers, I don't wanna have to add two more to my list."

"Yes sir." They replied, then Benson drove off.

"Anyway, like I was saying earlier, you're gonna be doing this by yourself after a while, so when it's slow and boring, you gotta make sure you clean everything, know how to prep each food item, and all that. Always clean the fryer when you close down the snack bar."

Thomas took notes."Clean the fryer..got it.."

"If it's really busy, don't take every order at once or you're gonna get frustrated. You gotta keep cool and take about 2 or 3 orders, serve those, then move on to the next customers."

"Mmhmm..." Thomas replied, writing it down.

"Any questions?"

"Yeah...uh, how long do these shifts last?"

"Ugh, I said 'questions', Thomas, not STUPID questions!"

"B-but I thought every asked question was good and unasked questions were bad!"

"No, that's a big fat lie!"

Thomas sulked. "Oh...sorry."

Muscle Man glared, then smiled at his goat coworker. "Heheh just kidding. You're right."

Thomas widened his eyes. "Wait, what?"

"You're right, bro. How many times do I have to say it?"

Silence.

"You've got no sense of humor, bro. You should really learn to know when I'm joking and when I'm not."

Thomas shook his head. "Dude, it's...it's kinda hard to tell when you're joking..from my perspective anyway."

"Your perspective is lame! Anyway, I'm not really sure about the shift thing. I think it's 6 or 7 hours on average, but if there's tons of stuff to do that day, it'll be cut to like 3 or 4 hours and Pops will do it. You might wanna ask Benson though."

"Okay." Thomas shrugged it off, and looked at the man waiting to order. "Hi, how can I help you?"

The young man took his hat off. "Just two burgers, no lettuce, extra pickles. And-" He looked behind the counter to Muscle Man. "Hey, I remember you!"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, from the comedy gig you did at Wing Kingdom last week!"

Muscle Man smiled. "Yeah, I'm a regular at Improv Night. And Wing Kingdom."

"Regular? Ha! At what, sucking?"

Muscle Man's smile washed away. "What?"

"Look pal, I had a lot of Radi-cola that time. Now that I remember your act, I thought it was the worst of the night...or better yet, worst ever! LOSER!"

Thomas glared at the customer. "You're really rude."

"Pfft, whatever man, the customer's always right!"

"That doesn't mean the customer's always a jerk! Muscle Man may not be funny to most people, but atleast he tries. What he's really good at is his job and training me, and..other things I've yet to learn."

Muscle Man slightly smiled at the compliment.

The man shrugged. "Okay, stick up for a loser, fine with me. Just get my food so I can go."

Thomas glared, getting the burgers and then faked a smile. "Have a fantastic day, sir."

He snatched the burgers and laughed. "Two losers at a snack bar. Someone write a book!"

Thomas shook his head and looked at Muscle Man, who shoved some leftover fries into his mouth with sadness. "Someone should write a book about HIM..."Jerkhole with No Life".."

Muscle Man smiled, chuckling a bit. "That's a good one, dude."

"Really?"

"Maybe your niche is coming up with jokes when sticking up for your coworkers. Seriously, that was really cool of you, dude."

Thomas patted his trainer's shoulder. "Hey, I never like to see a man get torn down like a wild beast..unless he has it coming."

"Haha, I hear that! But you're really awesome at keeping cool with angry customers..just do what you did today and you'll be a BOSS at the snack bar." Muscle Man looks at his watch. "Hey, the park's closing in 5 minutes, did you wanna go hang out with me at Wing Kingdom? It's 25 cent-wing day."

"Depends...are you actually asking me, or is this just one of your misunderstood jokes?"

Muscle Man smiled. "It's a seriously serious offer. Just us two dudes chowing on wings, telling jokes and all that."

Thomas grinned back. "Then I'm in, sir."

They proceeded to close down the snack bar, Muscle Man smiling to himself.

_I think I'm gonna like this kid..._


End file.
